jessbu

Nothing Can Separate Me..From Your Love

2010-12-09T08:43:00.003-05:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where your Spirit jumps for joy and you feel like you've just came to a new epiphany that has been waiting there for you to discover. Then once you stumble upon it you have that "ah hahh" moment. Well I just had that moment hence me writing this blog. I was lying in bed reading my Bible. I am reading from Romans.I try to read at least when I wake up and go to sleep and through out the day if can squeeze it in (I know that's bad but I am working on it). After all I have no excuse since I sleep with my phone which has the Bible on it. But back to the story. I was lying in bed reading Romans, picking up from chapter 5. In that chapter, it talked about the difference between Adam and Jesus. Adam brought death through his sin and disobedience but Jesus gave us grace and the ability to grasp righteousness which gives us LIFE.

In chapter 6 which is the infamous piece when people are baptized as they come into the Kingdom of God. Honestly, I never realized the strength of these words. I hear them every time a person is baptized but there have been no real meaning to the scriptures until I just read them today. That chapter asks questions pertaining to Adam and Jesus. It's so much to write and I can probably go on for days but read it for yourself! From chapter 6 leading up to chapter 8, these chapters let us know that even though we are born into sin and we have sinful nature, we do not have to abide by it. It lets us know that even though we are trapped in these bodies momentarily we don't have to live as this body wants us to live because as we were baptized we were dying to the old ways. It not only signifies that but it also synonymous to the death of Christ. Before Christ, every one was a sinner, but after He died on the cross and rose again three days later our sins were forgiven. And that is the truth behind baptism.

In chapter 7, Paul (the writer of the book) makes the distinction between our mind and our flesh. The mind serves God while the flesh serve sin. He talks about how sin overcomes us and how it is so enticing. The law by which the mind abides by and the law by which the flesh abide by are contrary to each other, so which law are we to follow are the main arguments Paul is trying to make.

And that is the transition into chapter 8. Between these two chapters is where I jumped out of bed and behind the computer because at the end of chapter 7 Paul makes it seem that we should serve both the flesh and the mind by saying "25..I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. so then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin." But remember from chapter 5 to 8 he makes clear of our death to sin once we were baptized. He doesn't say it as plainly but he does. So with that being said, the law of the mind and of God supersedes that of the law of the flesh and sinful ways. Finally he ends chapter 8 with "38-39..For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, not angels, nor principalities, nor powers, not things present nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Nothing, not even the law of sin can keep us away from God. Nothing!

Perception, Understanding, Decisions

2010-12-06T20:23:00.002-05:00

Understanding is key in relationships. Often times friends, partners and even relationships with God don't work out because the relationship lacks understanding. When you can't see eye to eye on a topic, it is because you are not understanding with the other person's understanding. Take the "love languages" as an example. You cannot love someone how you want to be loved but how they want to be loved even if it isn't appealing to you. It is the same concept. We also studied this in my Theories of International Relations class. It is all about each person's own perception. A person's perception encompasses their unique experience, their character, their way of thinking etc, and after you get passed all of that comes their final decision. But in real life, the process is much quicker and sometimes irrational choices are made.

With God, my perception is ever changing because my experience with Him is becoming greater. I am coming to new realizations every single day. It's overwhelming but I am taking it. When you look to the future and the end result, the pain is not that bad. With a change in experience comes a change in my character.I may not have been as forgiving as I should have but as He shows me forgiveness and all the above, my character molds to fit that.

I never really gave this decision making theory much thought until studying it in class. But it is very much true in our interactions with one another. Decisions to do or not to do something make up our lives just as there are atoms that make up other beings and so forth until you reach a solid product.

Perception shapes our understanding which then shapes our decisions that affect our daily lives.

God's Law is Supreme

2010-11-28T18:44:00.002-05:00

Think about the economy and how countries measure whether or not their dollar is strong. Before the 30s and the Great Depression they used the Gold Standard. After the Depression they used the American dollar to measure dollar worth and that is still how they measure the strength of currency. This definitely correlates with our understanding of anything. The reason they use one base in measuring the strength of dollars is so no one is confused or lost and that they get their full worth when trading. In Proverbs it says to trust the Lord and not to lean on your own understanding. Previous to that verse they spoke on understand and how to obtain it and all. The truth is God’s word and in order to speak truth we have to gain knowledge from the Bible and live by it, even in our relationships. Again, we were created in His image. Also notice that man’s understanding is faulty because in light of the Great Depression they had to switch it up. But with God, in any and every situation, the base never changes. God’s law is supreme.

Thou Shalt Deny Me Thrice

2010-11-10T08:41:00.002-05:00

Jesus told Peter that He knew that he'd betray Him. Peter denied it. When they were in the city and people began to recognize Peter as one who had followed Jesus, he denied it three times as Jesus had said he would. The first time he just shrugged it off. The second time he was a bit worried but still insisted he was not with Jesus. The third time someone said to him "you were with him,your speech say so." Then this is where Peter went delirious and began shouting and cursing like a wild man that he did not know Jesus Christ. The cock crew and Peter immediately remembered the words that Jesus had said unto him and he went away and cried bitterly.

We cannot hide, alter or deny our true identity. Although Peter denied Jesus, the people still knew who he was. No matter how much he tried to get away, the people kept coming to him and telling him that he was definitely one of the followers. Peter became so overwhelmed from the people's conviction that he became enraged. He wasn't mad at them but at himself. The thoughts that engulfed his mind were probably the time he had spent with Jesus and all that he was taught. Then Jesus' word came to mind.

Peter had it all wrong. The reason we learn Jesus' word and worship and praise and all of the sort is to help us rise in times of hardship. He remembered Jesus' word after the fact when he should have remembered before. He went out of his mind when he should have prayed for stability. I am not judging Peter because this had to be done to fulfill the Word that was spoken of God but I can learn from his mistakes.

Compassion Toward Me

2010-11-09T17:14:00.002-05:00

God is compassionate, forgiving, loyal and all the above. As I read the book of Matthew, the word compassion is used a lot. Jesus always had compassion toward the multitude or to individuals who went after Him. Compassion means to feel sympathy for other's misfortune and the desire to alleviate that suffering. Forgiving means to remit, or cancel a claim on an account. Loyal means allegiance. All of those words only begin to describe what our God is like. He showed compassion on the people by forgiving sinner's sins and casting out demons. He was loyal to us by going to the cross for our sins. He is awesome!

He did all of this as an example to us. We should be like Christ.But we cannot be like Him unless we have those characteristics. The pride and the egos must be put aside in order to be like Christ; humility.

To keep a clean house and everything in order, you must tidy up as you go. If you are doing the laundry you wash everything. And those things that wouldn't come clean you wash again. And if it still doesn't come clean it goes in the trash. You don't kick trash under the bed because it will bring unwanted guests. You wash the dishes as soon as you use them, you dust and so on and so forth. That is the same in our spiritual life. You don't clean it every so often, you clean it all the time. It is a continuous routine. When you see something out order in your house you fix it and your Temple should be held to the same standard, if not more strict.

It takes a humble person to admit that their spiritual house is not clean. Dust is growing, trash is building up etc. As I read more and more about Christ it makes me sit back and think of my ways. I have unforgiveness in my heart but I know I must let it go. The reason I hold on to that is because of fear. Fear to get hurt, fear that I won't be as accepted. But God does not give us a spirit of fear. So to pick away at that which does not belong on my heart I do what I normally wouldn't have done. I say hi, I ask questions and try to involve myself more.

This is a humbling experience because although crazy thoughts run through my head on why I shouldn't open up the lovelier thoughts of God overpower and pushes "me" to the side. God is love and love is all that we should show.

Tithes, Offering & First Fruits

2010-11-09T15:37:00.003-05:00

Last Sunday's sermon was about tithes, offering and first fruits and it was pow-er-fulllllll. She said that tithes will break the curse of poverty. The reason for tithes is to keep the House of God running. It's like rent and it has to be paid on time. So if you give to God's house He won't take your finances away. Offering is the blessing. If you give a dollar then you will get a dollar blessing. People get so aggravated when asked to give an offering but aside from the bills, there are leisure activities. Just as women like to get their nails done and guys like to buy splurge so does the church. Churches need money for the activities that you, your children and the other folk at the church like to participate in. The first fruit is the first of what you get. So if you are blessed with a new job and give your first fruits to the House, then you will receive blessing for all to come after.

She stressed the fact that all three were all distinct from one another and you cannot substitute one for the other. We want blessings from God but we don't want to bless Him. How odd!

I haven't always given what I was supposed to and I'd always feel guilty for not doing so. I'd always tell myself, "well He'll understand because I have to pay this bill." That also was an insult because of my lack of faith. God can and will return to you if you give to His Kingdom.I've gotten better and I don't look at it as less money in my pocket but as more money in His Kingdom.

Lil Lloyd

2010-11-05T21:28:00.001-04:00

I still cant believe that you're gone! All I can say is this is really really crazy.I miss you sooooo much and I love you for forever and ever.

RIP..I Love You

2010-11-05T01:19:00.005-04:00

Tomorrow is never promised to anyone is commonly said. But you never know what it means until it actually hits you. As I was sitting at my desk in a good mood jamming to my gospel music my brother called me. It was late but I didnt't think nothing of it. He calls me whenever he feels like it so I thought he just wanted to bother me. His voice sounded a little weird but again it was late and he was probably tired. He opened his mouth and said I have some news for you. I said oookk, tell me. He told me my little cousin was dead. I heard him but I didn't hear him. I said what! But his response didn't change. It hit me.

We're related on my father's side but I never really had contact with that side of the family. We are just beginning to find one another on facebook. But when I met my little cousin I was in high school. They said to me this is your cousin from your father's side. He is your blood cousin. We always made a big deal not knowing our blood family, especially the ones around our age. So meeting him was a big deal. He'd hang out with my twin and always come over the house after that. I'd just stare at him because he was so little and so cute. He was so small his clothes would just droop from his body. I always made fun of him because of that. As time went on we seen less and less of him. But he'd always make it a point to stop by every once in a while to say hi.

He probably would of been around for the holidays seeing that's when family tends to get together. Maybe he would of stopped by in the new year. I don't know. But I do know that I'll never see him alive again. I should of called him because two days ago my grandmother had asked about him. She is from GA and knows we live close by so she asked about him. If I called him when I spoke to her I could of at least have heard his voice. Life is crazy.

It's still unbelieveable. It's in God's hands.

Different Types of Worships

2010-11-04T17:01:00.003-04:00

I invited some friends to come to Christian Fellowship with me but they declined. They didn't decline because something about the group bothered or conflicted with their faith but because of the type of people there. Every where we go we will always encounter people who are a different shade than our own or who worships differently than us. But in the end, we are still God's people.

The first time I ever worshipped with people who were different than me was the beginning of this year. At first I thought it was weird. Everything sounded so funny to me. But once I started to look passed than and really put myself in the discussions and what not it really didn't matter. They were just as hungry for God as my Sunday morning congregation at home. So I carried that experience with me to Christian Fellowship.

Worshipping with people who are different than you should not be a reason to NOT worship at all.

Luke 15 Parables

2010-11-04T16:32:00.004-04:00

Last night in Christian Fellowship we looked at Luke chapter 15. In that chapter, Jesus told the parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin and the lost son. These parables pretty much mirror each other and although the first two are very short, they have a lot of power.

Jesus started telling the parables in response to the Pharisees thoughts of it being wrong for Jesus to "welcome" and "eat" sinners. In the parables Jesus made the point that even though the sheep wandered off, the coin was lost and the son did so many foolish things, they were all valuable enough for the owner/father to find them. And that is how God is toward us.

In the parable of the lost son, the father welcomed his son back with open arms. He knew what type of life his son was living and that he had blown all the fortune that he gave to him, but he didn't care. From the younger son's point of view, he realized he did wrong and was ready to apologize and as he started to beg for forgiveness the father cut him off and welcomed him with nothing but the finer things. The younger son was filthy because he had been working with pigs but the father still clothed him with the best and hugged and kissed him.

The older son who had stayed with his father wasn't pleased with his reaction to the younger son coming home because he felt as if he should have been celebrated because he stayed home and worked in the fields. The father explained that his youngest was dead because he was out living a lavish life. But is now alive because he recognized his wrong and was home to get things straight. And that was something to celebrate for.

Most of us act like the older son. We think that if we stay in the church then we should receive all of the rewards but in actuality it is the sinner who dedicates/rededicates his life to the Lord who should be praised. In an earlier chapter in Matthew, Jesus explained that He is here on earth to save the sinner. What good would it be for Jesus to save the already saved? That does not add to the kingdom.

(You should read Luke 15. There is so much more detail and awe moments than what I wrote.)

The Best Youth Group Ever!!

2010-10-31T23:04:00.003-04:00

Since Christians are opposed to Halloween we had a youth service tonight. The theme was Hallowed Be Thy Name and a lot of the youth and young adults got up to speak. Some of the common trends for the night were facing fears, getting over sin and God giving us the strength and the mindset to go on. It was a really cool service and is getting better and better. Many of the youths are growing in their talents and it is amazing.They are thee best youth group ever!

The Heart and Mind

2010-10-28T10:32:00.004-04:00

I remember reading this book about the natural heart, the spiritual heart and the mind. The heart and mind should always be in accord with each other. This isn't how it always works out but with enough time and patience they will soon get there. It's like a wound. In its time of healing you still have a risk of infection and other complications. So you have to make sure to be extra careful to let it heal properly.

Right now, my mind is on the Lord. But I can feel the divide between natural and spiritual in my heart. In order to have the spiritual heart and keep the spiritual heart and be guided with the spiritual heart I have to keep my mind fixed because the natural heart is weak and I admit I have weakness in my heart. Matthew 15:17-20 talks about the heart. It is a persons being. The heart is how we act toward others. As ironic as it may sound but it is not what you put into your body but more of what comes out. Eating with dirty hands doesn't make you unclean. True,the germs will go in I guess and just come right back out., no harm done. But having sin in your heart does make you unclean and that can never come out unless you pray to God.

There will be times where your heart tells you to do one thing and your mind another. The heart is strong but the mind is stronger because it has no feeling. The mind is pure logic.As I've learned many times before in every aspect of life, emotions are no good. Emotions are blinders because you don't want to see any ugliness in anything that is supposed to be so beautiful. But with your mind focused on Christ all else does not matter. And with the right relationship with Him you'll receive the greatest, most truest emotion ever that can never be mistaken and that is pure divine love.

Telephone, Tel-Tel-Ah-Phone

2010-10-27T22:21:00.003-04:00

I was in the cafeteria with some friends for a quick dinner. One of the girls that was at the table is a freshman and we're still getting to know her. She also is Muslim and so usually at times like these we'd bombard her with questions. My other friend asked her if she had drank, smoked, ate pork etc? She said no to all of them and the other friend said oo that is good. And I don't know how but her religion came into it but we began to make comparisons between Muslims and Christians.

We stated that although both religions have deviants, Christians stick out more. Why is that? As I think more and more about it, most people associate Christianity with sin while they associate Islam with pure loyalty. Is that a good or bad thing? Are we a sinning religion? Although it is a part of our religion and something that we are forever working on, why is it that that is the only part of the message that reaches others?

It is just like that game "telephone." You can say a phrase or sentence and the only thing that will stick and make it around the circle are the negative, silly or not-so-nice thing. We Christians are supposed to carry ALL of the news, good and the bad.Our testimony! We can't leave it up to others to interpret or write it for us.

Mohawks and Some More

2010-10-24T21:36:00.003-04:00

As I worked homecoming weekend at my school I was able to sit in on different classes. Seeing as I am a tech person, they needed me in the classrooms to make sure that everything worked properly through out the session time. Since our school does not have a football team because of its small size, our homecoming is geared through recruiting potential freshman and raising funds for the school. So they had classes that a most students wouldn't look at, Art History.

In this Art History class the professor was talking about how gruesome the painting looked but by understanding it, it meant the total opposite. It was a 3-tier of Jesus Christ. The first image was Him nailed to the cross with different biblical characters grieving around Him. The second portion was of Him being put into the tombstone by the people who watch Him being nailed to the cross and then finally at the end you seen Him in the sky. But through out each of this pictures she showed us images of Satan. I don't know her religious background but she was explaining from an art historian point-of-view, not a Christian.

The image that sticks with me the most is the Satan in the background with peacock feathers on his head in the shape of a mohawk.I forgot what it was really called but when she broke it down that was what it was. I think it was called a peacock's crown, I don't know, I'll research it later seeing as I am supposed to be writing a six to eight paged paper. But yes, the crazy fad you see a lot of people walking around with, a mohawk. She described that Satan uses the peacock to symbolize immortality and some other stuff.

Do you think if people really knew what a mohawk symbolized they'd still "rock" it? Do entertainers know its meaning and choose to still wear the style?

As she was speaking about this a lot clicked in my mind.Also her seminar will also stick with me too.

No Need for Words

2010-10-17T23:52:00.002-04:00

Fight and Pray for what you want. Sometimes the thought of prayer seems too heavy. Just meditate on God and He will pull the words from you lips. That's just the kind of God that He is. In those pressing moments is when you know that He definitely hasn't given up on you. Those moments give you the strength to make it through another moment. Pretty much like the woman who washed Jesus' feet or the other woman who merely touched the hem of His garment. Sometimes there are no need for words.

Superman Mentality

2010-10-17T23:35:00.003-04:00

Today the guest speaker, Ruth Dailey, spoke about being anchored in God. She only got through three anchors but the one that stuck to me most was commonality. She explained that nothing we go through is new. Someone else in close proximity to us is going through the same exact thing but we don't realize it because of the lack of commication that is exercised.

Automatically I thought about my own "commonalities." Who could I talk to? Who do I trust? I couldn't think of a solid person. Although I had a few, they weren't reliable. I've tried a few times to build those type of relationships but they never come out the way I expected and so on. The feeling was not right. It wouldn't be "real talk" but rather regurgitated things that they thought sounded good. I don't need that.

It is always good to take your own advice every once in a while. I told a friend that he shouldn't try to take on the world with a superman mentality because it only makes things worse for him. I feel that superman mentality forming in my mind and honestly I don't think it is a bad thing. I don't want to build a wall to keep people out but I also don't want just anyone close to me.

Word of God Speak --MercyMe

2010-10-12T14:34:00.001-04:00

Christian Humor

2010-10-12T14:28:00.002-04:00

Pastor Haize from Maine came to our church on Sunday and brought a nice word. But what I really liked was his humor! He said,

An older couple were driving down the highway and then a younger couple began to drive along side them. The younger girl was sitting right beside the young man underneath his arm. The older lady noticed and said hunny remember we used to sit like that. The older man looked at her and said i am sitting where I always sat.

He compared this to our everyday lives. God never moves from His spot but we always move over and begin to lose sight. It was very eye opening and funny at the same time.

Never Had A Friend Like Him

2010-10-03T21:29:00.004-04:00

I don't see many things as I did. A lot of things are different and I don't know if it is a good or bad thing. Maybe I am just too blinded by whatever it is that is blocking my view to tell.I don't see people as I once seen them, I don't cherish friendships like I used to. I just don't care. It's just me and my happiness. It's been like this for a while. Selfish much?! I wouldn't call it selfish but maybe it's all the insecurities bottled up inside. Will she do me like she did her? Will she throw me to the side for him? Where do I stand with him? Do they even matter?

When in doubt, turn to Jesus because He's the only friend that doesn't change. You know that you can count on HIm to deliver. No insecurities even run through my mind because I know He is faithful.

Unaddressed..

2010-09-29T22:18:00.005-04:00

I started attending the Christian Fellowship meetings a week ago. So today was my second meeting. This Christian Fellowship is not just for Christians. It is also for those who don't believe, have a bit of understanding etc. Everyone is invited. But today a guest speaker came in and talked on the subject of evil. The essence of his talk was that evil is within and is a characteristic of human nature rather than God wanting us to suffer as a people.

During the Q&A session a guy asked (I am paraphrasing), if God is so powerful and omnipotent then why doesn't He just stop all the evil and natural disasters occurring? Of course it took him a long time to say it so I was thinking well this is how it goes and I raised my hand. The speaker addressed the guy's question but to me it wasn't a simple answer to digest. I really wanted to speak but I shyed away because I didn't want to talk in a room full of people. What do I know? So it was a battle within and I decided not to speak. But the speaker didn't forget about my half raised hand. He pointed to me to "ask a question" and I said "it wasn't a question, it was a comment, forget it." Then he stared. Silence. I said do you want me to share. And he nodded. So I shared my belief with the room. In short, I said, "God made the world so we can live in it. He doesn't want to create puppets out of us. He wants us to do it willingly." The speaker looked at me as if he were thinking and said I'll think about what you just said and I'll get back to you. But I knew he wasn't going to get back to me because time was almost out and how could he think on my question when he had to be focused on the other questions being asked. I didn't let it phase me too much though. And I was right, he never addressed me after he "thought" about my comment. As long as the guy understood where I was coming from, I was cool. It doesn't hurt to just throw it out there.

It's Not An Option

2010-07-06T11:18:00.002-04:00

I was browsing facebook and I seen that someone was loosing hope in God. Then I thought to myself, "how can we give up so easily?" This wasn't the first time that I've seen it either. I am not the best Christian in the world or the holiest but how can one have the audacity to act in such a way. Believe me, I have my faults too!

I've had times where I wanted to give up and leave this world but something on the inside quickly, like the next instant pushed those thoughts out of my mind and filled it with some truth. Could we as soldiers of God really go out like that? Where would I go? It's like taking a test you've studied so hard for and then you reach some questions you've never seen a day in your life and you simply hand in the towel. Is quitting really an option? My God did not raise me like that!

When I reach the end I want the satisfaction of actually going through finishing this race. There will be no room for possibilities or what-if's. Maybe I live too carefree but life is not that hard. It's the decisions that we make that makes life hard.

Patient Endurance

2010-06-14T23:19:00.002-04:00

The light never dims, we just move futher away from it. My duty is to keep my eyes fixed upon the Goal no matter how many twists and turns I go through. Who would want to see darkness over pretty faces and beautiful scenery? Who would want to live a lie? After a while the side effects begin to show: depression, anxiety etc.

In my darkness, all I see are His promises.The constant reminder of my belonging. We all know once we are pressed for time and the pressure is on there is no option but to submit and get the job done. We are compelled to move toward the light to complete the task. Once that task is done, we slip back into relaxation until that moment of pressure. "Patient endurance is what you need."

Predestined VS Chosen

2010-04-05T20:22:00.004-04:00

Today was our second Bible Study. (I'll tell you about part one later because this sessions is still fresh). The topic at hand was predestined vs chosen and our main text of study came again from Ephesians. My view of these two words were so simple. I thought of the definition of the two words and came up with my conclusion to distinguish the two from each other.

The word "chosen" means to be selected from several and "predestined" means to destine in advance. To someone else's knowledge they believe these words were in essence the same. But to me, many are chosen and only one is predestined. Then the story of how Jesus got his disciples. They were all chosen and NOT predestined. Jesus walked along the streets and picked up men who came across his path. They were chosen, then asked, then made a decision.Something on the inside compelled them to go with Jesus. It was simply a choice for them to follow Christ. Another example was us. Yes, US! I believe every person on this Earth was chosen by God but not everyone chose to follow. Our destiny, God's predestination of our lives is what brought us to Christ. Destiny is something that is to be fulfilled where as a choice is not. Again, if we look at the Bible, Jesus was predestined and not chosen. God had it so Jesus died for our sins. He made it so Judas betrayed Jesus. Fulfillment.

So how do you distinguish predestine and chosen?

Lament

2010-03-18T00:08:00.004-04:00

Today I went t on a tour of DC. We saw the rich parts and the poor parts. But my favorite sight was Massachusetts Ave in the northeast (one of the northsides). On that avenue were all the embassies one could ever think of. You seen these beautiful houses connected to each other with a flag attached to each. Each house represented the country it housed by its appearance. It was beautiful.

Then we came back to the church and had a lot of down time I guess because it's the last night here. We played card games and we played that cool game witht he cups. Then we got into some praise and worship and then the night moved forward. The topic was lament. But I wasn't too easy about this. She was saying how she struggled with God because of some of the things that happened to her. Then she read Lamentations chapters one and two where the woman of Zion was crying out and blaming God. But I don't think I have anything to grieve or mourn about. If things happened then God had it so. I can't grieve because that is like second guessing God and considered complaining to me. Yes as humans we feel so many emotions but I don't feel that we should take them out on God.

So my question to you is, should we lament? Do we have reason to? How do you think God will feel and respond to this? Is this appreciation or ungratefulness?

Homeless

2010-03-17T01:23:00.004-04:00

Today was definitely a blessing. We were told that we were going to talk with homeless people. I thought that it would be in a shelter or in a pre arranged meeting. But it wasn't. We had to literally sit on the street and talk with them. When I went to talk with the man (with a partner of course), so many things were going through my mind. I thought that he was going to lash out on me and harm me but as time went on, it was so much better. We all became more comfortable talking with each other. We encouraged him to keep it up his faith and continue to hold on. We prayed for him and then left. he will always be in my mind because I never knew how it felt. Sitting with him opened up so many emotions for me because for a second I was in his shoes. He was so shocked he kept saying that we had stopped to talk with him and you can see it all over his face and in his movement.

We also walked around and prayed for the community. People were looking at us and some were making comments toward us because they haven't seen a lot of white people. But the thing that stuck me was we were walking around and this little boy asked if we were Christian. We replied yes and he said I am Christian too and then declared he was apart of our group as well as other kids. It was cool to see that kids would claim Christianity. We just prayed and walked.

This program is helping me to come out of my comfort zone. I've been praying out loud and sharing my views on the topics at hand. It had really been an experience for me.

The Plunge

2010-03-15T23:27:00.004-04:00

Adjusing to this place is kind of tough. But I have to make do with what I have. Little by little I have been opening up. Not just to the new ways of experiencing God but also through new people. Most of the people here are totally different from me and I am warming up to that idea. On Sunday there was only a choice between a Black Catholic Church and a multi-ethnic church. The list for the multi-ethnic grouo filled up quick and I had no choice but to go to the Black Catholic Church. I didn't know anything about them except they put the Virgin Mary in their "honors." But as much as I tried to plead I couldn't go to the Baptist Church down the street.

This church was different. It didn't seem like a Catholic church and I was mad about that in a way. They sang and danced and ALL believed in the Holy Spirit and from what I learned that wasn't the case for them (correct me if I am wrong). I didn't feel that they were being true to the meaning of Catholic. And I don't understand if it was right or wrong to think that? But after fighting and what not, God does work! As I began to let go some things go, I've began to become more appreciative of what was happening.

The first track day was themed addiction for me. I went to a house for men who have been sober from drugs for atleast a month and we talked it with him. Then we went out to an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting. I heard them speak. They didn't know that I was visiting. So I heard them speak. A key thing is that those meetings put in them that there is a higher being. They call Him God but at as you understand them. Funny thing was they knew that they couldn't handle it on their own. Then I went to hear a woman who spoke about her being the director of a facility who housed women and men who just came off the street from homelessness and addiction. It was very motivating for me. It pushes me to go forward to contine to want to do this work in my own community.

Last thing was that we had this food rationing scenario where some got food and some didn't. Some had grand meals and others had just enough. It was eye opening. This plunge is definitely something that is needed elsewhere.

Is Jesus Enough For You

2010-03-14T12:52:00.004-04:00

The first day in DC has been interesting. There are about 35 college aged students here. It's called the Urban Plunge. Basically what I get from the program is they come here to DC in the urban area and talk about the different aspects of city life and how the people are affected by it. The first day the topic of race came up and how the people on Captiol Hill are trying to change DC completely around. They don't want people coming to Washington to the White Hous and all they see around it is poverty. So they're in the midst of changing that by charging more for rent and building condo. But that's a story within itself.

But there was this lady who talked with us that night. She works for the FDA is DC and her topic was, is Jesus enough for you? It was a good topic. But it could of had a better effect on the audience f she really gave it to us. But that is just opinion. It didn't make me think because that question is something that we all ponder all the time. But I never answered that question until yesterday. My answer was no. I know that Jesus is more than everything and He can supply more than I'll never need or desire but I feel as though I still chase those worldly things. I continue to seek other things to satisfy me and I am sometimes unconsciencly dependent on them too. So now as I realize I do this, I take a step back and check myself.

So we as Christians have to really be on that. We can't say Jesus is enough if we sare still dependednt on other things. Could you really sit back and just take what's handed to you by Jesus? No supplements, just Jesus.

Do Not Save Me

2010-03-10T03:15:00.004-05:00

Do not try and save me. I am just floating in the water. I can swim. I am not drowning. Please do not try and save me. I do not need you to. I said I can swim. I got this. You can show me some new strokes and tricks but do not try and save me. You trying to save me will make me start to panic. Then I am going to have to try and keep up with you and swim to your stroke.I am soo good.

Just One of Them Days

2010-03-07T23:01:00.003-05:00

Sometimes you just have to get away. Just as Jesus did when he wanted to be alone (wrote a blog on that before). Not so far away where you lose contact but not to close where you're still involved. For me I feel like I am experiencing that right now. I don't want to be close to anyone but I don't want to remove myself either. I just wanna hear what I believe the Lord is telling me without distraction around me and without trying to figure everything out. I am taking some personal days.

I want this new change to stay. I don't want it to slip away so I have to work extra hard to keep it. All else can wait.

Effect, Affect, Who Cares..I Do

2010-03-06T16:56:00.002-05:00

Do not let the past AFFECT who you are and as you move forward do not let what you are EFFECT who you are to become. The reason I capitalized those words is because even though they sound the same (or we pronounce them the same), they are not. Affect deals more with emotional influences and effect is the result of something, the end. I know I started out as a sinner and continued to be a sinner even after I went down in the water. But I cannot let those sins keep me from my purpose that God has for me. I can let the guilt overwhelm me or I can let peoples who knew me then tell me now that I am truly not saved or I can simply keep myself back because of what I've previously done to spare myself from those staring eyes. Those are all hidden emotions that I once had.

In that above phrase, I am in the middle. I am on my way to becoming something that I can't even dream of thanks to God. I can just feel it. Change is definitely happening on the inside and it feels great. But I cannot let that great feeling effect who I am to become. I can take it all to the head and soak in it to then become so crinkly that I distort what I was to become or I can merely embrace it until God calls for me again. For right now I have to do what I can for others and myself. I have to show them what God has shown me and spread the good news. I have to just hold on.

That's my encouragement for you. Stand against the tricks of the enemy. He enticed us in our past so it can be carried with us to our future. But the thing is, it can only come with us IF we bring it with us. So let it go. I promise you, once you shed that and you are sitting in the middle of that sentence, it will get a bit easier.

My Satisfation

2010-03-05T23:43:00.003-05:00

I thank God for my new phone. It has all those cool apps and one of the first ones that I downloaded was the Bible app. It really does come in handy. I can study from my bed (yes, lazy me) and even while I am on the go. But while some friends and I were going skating, I began to feel some sort of way. It was awkward. We were still in route to the rink and it all just hit me. It's the weekend. On a typical weekend at school people get together and drink, hang out with their boyfriend or best friend, go places that are exciting, party and any other thing you can think of. But in my life none of that fits right now.

So I repeated to myself was, "God is my comforter." I even thought back to how my Pastor had the Deacon demonstrate with how God covers us in our time of need. But I needed more than just a heed. God didn't actually talk to me but I know that He was right next to me. I decided that I'd push those thoughts out of my mind because I am not like the rest of them. I can't compare myself to them because they don't do what I do. Did I mention that I love my new phone. Well I pulled out my phone and used my Bible app and just read a chapter. That chapter (didn't relate to anything at the moment) just made me feel a lot better. I was reading God's word. That was enough for me.

One Hundred: Reflection

2010-03-05T17:54:00.005-05:00

I first started my blog because of my youth Pastor. I don't care how old I get, she'll always be my youth Pastor, mine. But I started because of her (copy the "Talia Rivera's Blog" url on the left side). When I read her blog, it blew me away. She was getting way deep and I wanted to do the same. I am not one to speak about me so I started this blog to speak about me, to speak up. I felt that having a blog would allow me to be something that I normally wouldn't be when I am around people. It really has helped me to become a bit bolder in my speech. It has encouraged me to step up and really deal with issues I would normally suppress.

From the first post until now, I feel that my blogging has gone a bit deeper. At first I wrote more Bible-based posts. As time went on, I threw in some life stories, some feelings, some praise, some motivation, some thoughts and some questions. A whole variety of topics. At a point in time, I actually stopped writing (the summer of 2009) because I didn't want people to know what was inside my head and I didn't want them to know me. Then I came back and just kept to it although I did get discouraged again. But it was just a bump in the road and I am over it. Writing this blog has brought so many emotions and thoughts out and right now I'd have to say it was all worth it. I am content.

I write because I love to write about my God and what He is bringing me through both good and bad. Sometimes I am not as blunt on certain posts as I am on others but trust, every post has a story behind it. I love to bring my thinking here so everyone can read it because a lot of people are like me, always wondering and trying to make sense. God is definitely using this blog to get through to people and I thank Him for that. If He wasn't, I wouldn't of made it this far. The times I did try to quit it didn't work.

But I thank my followers for supporting me and I also thank you all for the posts you've posted. They've helped me also. So as I give on this blog, I also receive because my followers each have something that helps on this journey. I also want to that my Pastor for supporting me ever since she got my blog address and for helping me to stay focused on it. And also God for using me, building me up and making me confident with me. He is a great God and there is no one like Him. I pray that He'll just continue to bless others and I through this blog.

Thank you all again. God Bless!

I believe I have truly come a long way in this Christian walk and through this blog.

Ninety-Eight, Ninety-Nine, One Hund....

2010-03-01T05:24:00.002-05:00

This is my ninety-ninth post and to me that is important. I like certain numbers and to me they have a lot of meaning. I feel that through everything God speaks to me and sometimes it is through numbers. it's not done like this all the time but say I just bought something from the store and I receive change back and it was in the sixties, I think about my saved life. They say that 6 falls short of 7 which I understand as perfection. I reevaluate myself to see what I am doing wrong. Say I was playing a game and I got a 90-something. When I say 90-something I think of it in denominations like 100, 1,000, 10,000, 11,000, anything. If I fall just beneath these denominations I reevaluate my saved life. It doesn't happen every time a number is given to me, only when I feel that pull in my Spirit is when I'll pay closer attention.

But as you know, I made up my mind to memorize Psalms 51. And if you didn't know Psalms 51 is a passage of TRUE REPENTANCE. At first when it was given to me I did not know why I HAD to memorize it, I just started it. I didn't want to recite it just to recite it. I wanted it to have meaning. So I told myself it was for a time waaay later in life for if I ever sinned. But that time came sooner than expected. It's time to go to another level. It's time to tighten the reigns. But I can't get there without true repentance of the old me. And I say old me because I've out-grown my old ways. I'm letting go of things finger by finger and no lie, God has been standing there until my last finger finally let go and He caught me.

As I memorize each verse, I meditate on it. And verse my verse my Spirit began to weep. As I reached around verse 13 my Spirit did more than cry. And right now I am putting verse 14 into effect. I am proclaiming God reigns forever in this Temple. I understand what God is telling me. Now I just have to trust and I am doing that. It's the new me. So my ninety-ninth post is shedding the old me. The hundredth post will reflect on my writing and what it means to me and 101 and forward (until God gives me another number) will be a definite new me. It's a process and I am trusting the Lord in EVERYTHING I do.

Isaiah 54:17: No weapon formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that rise against thee in judgement thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

P.S.A

2010-02-28T17:45:00.002-05:00

Today was awesome. It's nice to spend time with people. When you spend time with people you get a chance to see them for how they really are. Especially when it is unexpected. Just soak in what God gives you. No need to separate the good from the bad. It's already done.

But anyways, today's service was awesome. It was our first youth service in the NEW church. All the youth took over usual duties such as praise an worship and doorkeeping and the Youth Pastor gave an amazing word. He touched on that what youth experiencing tough times and dilemma's isn't something new, if not worse. He talked about how the internet and such is the devil in disguise. The enemy just wants to distract us. But stand tall. When you fall get back up.

Today was a good day.

God Is Our Help

2010-02-26T12:21:00.003-05:00

God is the father teaching us to ride a bike. The bike is all the good things God has in store for us. We get suited up with elbow pads, knee pads and our helmets. All of this is synonymous to fasting, praying and Bible study. First He'll put the training wheels on for us. With the training wheels, we can't fall because the extra wheels in the back has the duty of not letting the bike lean to the left nor right. These extra wheels is God giving us a taste of His good things. We know the training wheels are on there but we just sit back and let the wind blow through our hair. No worries, no problems.

Then He takes off the training wheels but He is holding on to the handle bars, helping us. Here, we feel a bit unstable but in the end, we know that He will not let us fall. He's our Father. We start to get the hang of it. We say, "LET GO." He lets go, we fall before we finish the first full pedal. But that fasting, praying and Bible study helped us brace our fall. We then ask for more help. He helps. This time we wait a little longer to say let go. When we finally give the command again, He lets go. But this time He runs behind us. By the second full pedal, we fall. But He also helps to brace our fall still letting the pads serve their purpose. We ask for help again. Then we wait even longer to give the command this time. As we get ready to tell Him to let go, you glance behind you and He already let go and is running behind us.

God is our help. If you fall, just ask for help. He will definitely be there to help you.

The Jesus Dream

2010-02-21T19:14:00.002-05:00

Everything has a purpose. Every single thing, even the smallest things. The seconds make up the minutes, the minutes make up the hour, the hour makes up the day, the day makes up the week, the week makes up the months, the months make up the year and the year makes up a life. You don't want to get to the end of life and figure out that we haven't accomplished anything. I was thinking that while I was in church as my Pastor preached part two of "Why Die?" Not a physical death but a spiritual one.

In the natural life, people feel that if they make it to the end of life being a millionaire or having lived the American Dream then they did a good job. Why die? Naturally, people want to leave this world having accomplished something and their name in textbooks. Why die? To set the bar for people to remember you. That's why natural people die. As a Christian we should NOT die because we are promised eternal life. We know that once we get to the other side of the road or the green grass life for us doesn't stop. So why die? We can create a good name here on Earth and an even better one in Heaven.

Don't just settle for the American Dream which ends after death. Go for the Jesus Dream that continues after life.

New Project

2010-02-15T21:30:00.005-05:00

I am super excited. We finally had a meeting to debrief from the BCM conference with the woman who is in charge of the spiritual actions that go on in the school community. We just went around and was talking amongst the six of us (including her), explaining our highs and lows of the conference, and we came to the conlcusion that we want to bring that to the campus. The lady agreed.

So to prepare for that we are going to set up Bible Study classes where we would have a guest lecturer (prefereably a Pastor or Youth Pastor in the area) once a month and in between we would make up the lessons. I think this is a cool idea because when we prepare for the lesson we all will meet before and talk it out and share what we know with each other to make it even better. We also are planning a few events like a Christian Dance Party, actual services at school and visiting other churches.

I never thought that I'd be bonding with my peers outside of church and at that, they go to my school. I am definitely loving it.

P.S and the memorization is coming along great. I am at verse 10 (of Psalms 51 out of 19) and I can recite with very minor mistakes. Yay for me!

The Proposal

2010-02-09T17:09:00.002-05:00

I am going to tell you a story the preacher told us at the conference. He said he had proposed to his wife at 19 years old. It was at the time that he had won a championship ring. So he took the championship ring and put it in a Kay Jewelers ring box and proposed to his wife after church was over. When he proposed she said yes and opened the box. She seen the championship ring on and was rocking it even though it was as huge as a boulder (you should know the size of a championship ring. And on a females hand...HUGE). He then explained to her that later he'll get her a real ring with diamonds and such. But she said she didn't care and that she loved the ring he had already given her. Then he pulled out the ring he described.

Relating to God, the preacher said that it was a test. He couldn't give her the real diamond unless he knew she was going to appreciate it. God cannot give us everything as soon as we ask for it because there would be no value. He has to throw an obstacle at us one day and set us back a couple years for us to get our reward. Without these hardships the things of God will not be appreciated because they come with ease. If we have things the easy way then we'd have no sincerity or passion to get us to where we are going. These tests also produces good character.

So just remember. God is testing us now to get us ready for Heaven.

Psalms 51

2010-02-08T08:08:00.002-05:00

I've always told myself that I cannot remember scriptures and so on and so forth. But I came to the conclusion that I can. In french class we have to memorize poems for the pronounciations of words so I can do the same for the Word of God. So here is another test for myself. I am going to memorize the all 19 verses of the 51st Pslams little by little. Before I go to bed I will recite. When I wake up I will recite and then add on a few verses. This will help me a great deal. Not just for points but personally and spiritually.

The reason why I chose the 51st Psalms to remember was because of God. Something on the inside told me to turn here and it was right on the money. Only God can make us pure and restore us to our true and natural beauty. This chapter was a conviction because I felt it in my heart as I was reading it. Now it is time to repent and become better at it. Faith. We all sin but do not keep using it as an excuse. It's ok. God is good and will forgive every one of His children if you have a heart like Psalms 51. Just keep trying until you've mastered it. Repent. Trust me, it feels good to overcome.

Be Bold, Stand Out

2010-02-07T18:29:00.004-05:00

One of the things that kept recurring during the conference that kept pulling at me was to be BOLD and to practice, practice, practice. Boldness comes in because I can't be the same as everyone else and get things going at the same time. I can't be that quiet voice in the background. I have to be bold and step waayyyy outside of my comfort zone and do some things that I haven't done. It doesn't matter what my peers are doing. I have to step away from that and hopefully push them forward as well. Be bold Jessica! Boldness!

The second thing was to practice, not that I am not practicing already. I usually get bogged down while trying to juggle sooo many lessons at one time. And I've noticed that. That's some of the reason why I don't write as often. I have to learn something and, practice it and then master it before I write about the next subject. He said instead of reading chapters and chapters to go to the book of Proverbs and pick one scripture a day to hold on to. I think I'll take that up too. And maybe you should to. Read a or some Bible stories and then pick a scripture from Proverbs to hold on to for the day to practice. Hopefully this can help in the memorization department.

I've got so much more stuff from the conference that I am putting into effect now and to share with you all. But for now, you and I are going to be bold.

BCM Conference

2010-02-07T00:04:00.004-05:00

I was able to go to this conference held by Black Campus Ministries (BCM). My friend from school invited me to go so I just went. I didn't ask the details of what it was on. All I knew was it was related to church and spirituality and all of that good stuff so I just went. And I am very pleased I did so. College kids from all over New England was there and the theme was "A Lifestyle Worship." They had a main workshop on that topic and I chose that one to be in and the other workshop I went to was called "Personal Mastery."

The Worship workshop gave us tools to help us worship. He talked about how worship comes from the inside through meditation, prayer, fasting and studying and then it will begin to show on the outside. Outwardly we would make it easier to keep God's word plain. It will also teach us to be alone and just listen to God and then finally submission. The other workshop about mastery was about setting realistic goals for ourselves and sticking to them which will take discipline. When he would ask a question about how one feels about one thing a good amount of people in the room could identify.

Then after the workshops we had a chance to fellowship amongst each other. They had a DJ to play some music for us and everyone was just talking, dancing, playing games and having fun. What amazed me was a whole bunch of people was just dancing and praising God in the front of the fellowship space. It was like our own club. They danced with good taste to God's music and was battling each other. My spirit was happy. I was so amazed to see all of this taking place. Then we simmered down and went into service which was also good.

In the service everyone was worshipping, praising and praying to God. I felt out of place because I never really worshipped in front of people outside of my church family. But when I seen everyone else doing their thing I felt a bit more at ease and joined in with my own praise and worship. He preached about how you cannot turn back into a caterpillar once you are a butterfly. He touched on letting go and how this conference is another starting point for us. It was good! Then I went up for the prayer calls they had as well as a lot of other students and it was just good to be surrounded by them. As we went up I could just imagine what they were going through because I am too. We were just up there like we seen each other on a daily basis. It was a good experience and I thank God that He had put me in the midst of all of that.

It's just so much to write. My next few posts will definitely come from this conference. So much was said and touch on that cannot be covered in one post.

There's No Place Like Home

2010-01-31T21:57:00.002-05:00

There is really no place like home. That's all I thought about when I was visting my friends' church today. She's been asking me to come with for almost a year now and finally I decided to go. She is a different denomination than my church but all in all they're pretty much the same. But I was excited to go because I never visted another church before besides going to council which doesn't really count.

We walked in and immediately we went to the balcony. I wanted to sit on the floor because that's where I was used to sitting. But we followed. We sang praise and worship songs, heard selections from the choir, greeted the guests and some more stuff. The whole time I was like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I kept telling myself, "there is no place like home, there is no place like home." And the classic, "At Bethel we'd do it like this, at Bethel we'd do it like that." I am just so accustomed to the way my church is it felt like everything else was wrong. It was more of going through the motions than actually going to the church to be healed and delivered.

I was a bit home sick. I kept looking at the clock and wondering what they were doing at home. "welp, it's 12:10, praise is worship should be stepping down. 12:40, the preacher should be going up." Surely, there is no place like home. I am blessed beyond measure to have a home like Bethel. Boy do I love my church. Can't wait to get back there and for my friends to visit so we can show them how Bethel does it.

Africa

2010-01-31T00:57:00.004-05:00

This semester I am taking a few classes on Africa. And is all of the readings it talks about how African history was suppressed for many years because the way they keep their history isn't the same way Americans keep their history. They also bring out the Africans aren't understood by those around them because the people who go there to study them observe rather than learn one of the languages. What they say in Africa may be taken in totally different context here in America, so the language is very important.

I say all of this because I feel very much like the suppressed African culture. People look at me and see what they want to see. When they look at my life or me as a person they make assumptions and judge me from how they would react. As a child of God I understand what I've learned thus far. As a child of God I without a doubt know who is Sovereign and Most High. I understand. Right now spiritually I am in awe at who my God is. I'm dazed. Literally. I am frozen. And naturally it is the opposite. But I know those natural thoughts are those of the flesh and the flesh is that of the enemy. As I sit and meditate, every lesson that is in my head filters through my mind and most of the time I can correlate where I heard this lesson and who taught it. I feel like one of the griots in Africa because I can recall my spiritual life, my history. The griots only share what is important to keep the country going and in tact. They also know all the "secrets" (as they call them) but they never share them.

I am like African history just waiting to be discovered.

Sweet Revenge

2010-01-15T00:17:00.003-05:00

As I was taking a shower, I was thinking about if people can get revenge on God. That was a funny thought. I started thinking about that because as I was praying for my friend in Haiti all these weird thoughts were coming to mind, the good, the bad and the ugly. But I continued to pray and when I stopped I asked myself that, "Could someone like me get revenge on God?" I know most people will say the easy and most obvious comeback which is you cannot battle with God. But I will go a little deeper.

In order to get revenge, someone has to do you wrong or hurt you in some type of way. First off, we cannot seek vengeance on God because He never does us wrong. It is usually us who do us wrong. Like the preacher said, God is trying to give us a net of fish but we want to catch them one by one. Just because it didn't happen our way doesn't mean that it was the wrong way. We as human under estimate God and think of ourselves as mightier than He (I feel sorry for those who think like that though). Second off, by getting back at God, he'll get back at you and show you who He really is. Point blank.

The Haiti Earthquake

2010-01-15T00:07:00.003-05:00

God is definitely good! Everyone knows about the Haiti earthquake. Most of the people who are close to me parents' are from Haiti and moved here to America. So they have family down there. My close friend went down there to spend time with family before she went back to school. When my other friend called me and told me the news I tried so hard to stay positive but tears began to flow. I searched and searched the Internet to see more about it, nothing. The worse part was my friend who told me the news and I had to work the overnight shift, so our other friend was on our minds all night. I told her we just have top pray and remain positive. We kept calling her cell phone with no success. Then the next day, mid-afternoon, my friend that was in Haiti was able to call her sister to let her know she was safe. Once my friend called me to relay the message, it felt like the whole world just came off of my shoulders. I just praised God!

Don't take anyone or anything for granted because you're not always guaranteed to tell them. Some of what was going through my head was how I never told her what she means to me. Even though we all rocked together in high school and still kept in contact through college, we took it for granted. So I can't wait until she comes back so I can squeeze her and tell them all that I love them. I thank God for them.

P.S make sure you donate some way some how..

Chin Up, Stomach In, Shoulder Back

2010-01-08T19:15:00.005-05:00

It is time to start making moves in the Lord. I just have to trust Him and know that everything will work out for the better. If I don't then I would have what we call "wavering faith" and we all know those type of people NEVER make it to the Lord. I just have to keep my chin up and no matter what I walk on, I have to trust God that He will definitely see me through. Whether it means to be without people for some times or to just be plainly unconfortable. It's about spiritual growth. Listen to the voice in my head which I know is my Father.

Honestly, I "fall" for the tricks of the enemey because of the fear of what I will become in the Lord. I falter so I can take those steps backward only to move back into the same spot again. New level. After hearing Dr. Jeffers and him enlightening me through 1 Timothy 1:7, I came to the conclusion that the devil fears what I will become in the Lord. God does not instill fear in His children, only ambition to better ourselves. So I am going to take that and run!

Preach Dr Jeffers, Preeeach

2010-01-06T23:43:00.003-05:00

Sometimes we, well I need that extra push and man oh man is Dr Jeffers doing that. When I am being preached and taught to and it really touches the depths of my soul, I can no way no how get it out of my mind. Just like the 2009 conference: The Gathering. Something inside of me will never let me forget that trio. It's like I moved up and when I get discourage those days just replay in my mind to help me stand taller. I won't sink lower than I was on that day and now after Dr. Jeffers preaching these last two day, I think this is my next stepping stone, a challenge to myself.

Today he taught about our sins and how they negate what God is doing and His purpose for his children as a whole. When we sin and do things contrary to God's will, it gives the devil reason to rub it in God's face. Jeffers used the example of a parent raising a kid from birth then at the age of 16 or 17 a stranger comes along and takes your kid that you've raised. The parent is equivalent to God and the stranger is equivalent to the devil. We were all born and come from God and when we come into this world we CHOOSE the other side by doing those things contrary to the Father.

He also taught that the things that we do and what makes our personality and character project who we serve. If we do things out of our own will and feel we can do them on our own and for our glory we are serving the wrong god. But if we act out of love and choose to do the will of the Most High then we serve the Almighty God.

Know who you SERVE!! Do the things of God and live holy. It's time to make a change. Just know that which ever choice you make, right or wrong, God will always be there to see you through. Just trust, believe and have faith. Don't give the devil an opportunity to put our God to shame through our sins. We have to represent out Father, it is bigger than us.

Transformation Before Translation

2010-01-05T23:53:00.003-05:00

I have to shout this man out. Dr. Gerald Jeffers is THE man! You all should youtube him or something. He speaks so much truth that it is scary. I even contemplated whether I should go to the service or not. But I went because so many things were telling me to go. So I went and the word was awesome. It was "Transformation Before Translation."

Simply put he spoke on how we should be transformed BEFORE we are translated. Translating is taking from one form and putting it in another. So what he was getting at is God cannot translate us in better and new situations until we are transformed because we will NOT be able to withstand in the situations we wish to be translated into unless we have the right heart and mind. If we don't then where we want to go would be pointless because we'll be right back at square one. Get it?

So we have to make up our minds to be transformed so our situations can be better. We have to LET God do what He does in us to be transformed. Instead of fighting the enemy we tend to fight God then blame it on Him because we believe in our minds that He HAS to make everything right. In order for God to be obligated to do something for us we have to first commit ourselves to Him and prove ourselves. We cannot reap without sowing.

But check Dr Jeffers out. I KNOW he is on youtube and stuff.

My New Year's Resolution

2009-12-31T21:47:00.003-05:00

it's easy to get the I-don't-deserve-God attitude and the I-can-live-without-the good-things-of-God attitude. With that attitude we start to settle for less and not get the good things that God has promised to us. Even though we mess up we have to realize it, own it then pray to God for help. Don't wait until you get too deep where you're at an all-time low. That's where desperation comes in at. You can save yourself from that.

I write about this subject AGAIN because owning something is not easy at all. Speaking for myself, I don't want to be a person filled with sin. I'll be on the straight path and then when I mess up I remove myself from the promise. Then the cycle starts.

With that said, my New Year's Resolution is to realize my flaws and weak areas, OWN THEM and pray to God to help me. I don't want anything fancy because by owning my mistakes I can become a better me to help others. I don't want to help others if I am not straight myself.

New Year's Vent

2009-12-29T14:12:00.003-05:00

Eveyone keeps talking about their New Year's Resolution and they're all the same. Cliche things get to me, like really gets to me. Everyone says they are going to let people go and erase numbers and blah blah blah.Why do you have to wait for a new year to take action. uugggghhhh

I/We Have To Put In Work

2009-12-29T13:34:00.005-05:00

We had the Grand Opening of our church. It's been in existence for a very long time but we just opened our new sanctuary in our fairly new location. It is so beautiful. I am still amazed because a handful of out faithful members put it together. I am not just talking about a little work here and there but literally the whole project. From plumbing, electrical, flooring etc. The whole works.

Our step group stepped and I noticed that stepping for my church isn't the same as stepping for my school, totally different. When I step for each the adrenaline rush is so different. For school the rush is more of I am so ready to do this and for church it is more hesitant. Also when I step for my school when I mess up I quickly catch myself and continue on. I am nervous but I can think clearly and execute the steps to near perfection. But for church, the nervousness takes over and everything flies out the window. I wonder why that is. It's so weird. I guess I have to put in more work. But the piece sounded really great.

As the service went on though the preacher preached a nice sermon. It was based on be accountable for what is given to our church. Since God is taking us to the next level by expanding our church we have to do something with it and go up to the next level. Then he touched on us all moving together and listening to God and if we mess up just to put it in God's hands because He will be there with us the whole way.

Frustration

2009-12-26T23:31:00.003-05:00

No lie, I let people get the best of me. I try my hardest not to get upset and unleash my attitude and just let things flow but some way some how it always finds its way out. I feel I have pretty good judgement, knowledge and common sense to know what is right and what it wrong in what I am placed over but another person may see it in a totally different light. And that keeps me from stretching out as far as I can. When I feel I've made progress and that we've moved our relationship up there, they do what they do to make me tick. Uuurrrrrgggghhhhhh! And then the giving up comes in. When I push, they pull.

I am working toward being humble and meek as a leader but not too passive or too weak. There is a very fine line. I guess when I feel like there is no authority where there should be is where the change in attitude comes in. I don't know. All I know is I am tired! You get the point.

People are difficult. That's probably why I stayed away from them in the first place. But they say in God's house you have to mingle.

Those Who Remain

2009-12-08T16:50:00.003-05:00

Most Sundays give me strength. Last Sunday, the Minister definitely brought the Word. She was specking so much truth too. The title of her sermon was , "Those Who Remain." It comes from the scripture of 1 Thessalonians 4:17 ("Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.").

It was very motivational. She talked about how she wanted to give up on Christ and such. And of course, we've all been there. She told us to hold on to the end because if we wanted to go with God at the end of this life, we have to stay alive and remain with the Lord. This meant that we have to be alive and kicking in our spiritual lives and have stayed with the Lord through everything.

She also reminded us that in this walk it isn't going to be easy and we know that. So we should not be surprised when hardships come our way. Putting that alone into our minds can probably put it at ease a bit. When we go through whatever it is we are going through we have to say to ourselves that this is what this walk is all about. We have to be strong!

Just pick yourself back up and stay in the Lord.

Busted

2009-12-04T22:20:00.002-05:00

Today, I seen the movie "The Shawshank Redemption." It is a movie about a man who is wrongfully convicted and sent to prison. He was a really intelligent man when it came to numbers, accounting and things of that sort. So the warden and other officers in the prison used him for things of that nature. After a while the man was using the prison itself as a way to launder money for the warden. But the man out-smarted the warden and me too! Hours after watching the movie is where the pieces are coming in at.

At the beginning of the movie, the convict gets a rock hammer because he loved to sculpt rocks. Then he noticed how weak the walls were. So he tunneled his way out. Out of nineteen years he was able to hide his rock hammer in the pages of his Bible (cut out the pages) from room searches by the prison guards. The warden was there and took such an interest to him because he had a Bible in his hand. The warden began to question him about the Bible and quoted a few scriptures himself.

As the convict finishes us his escape route out of prison, he switches the accounting book where the warden kept his dirty numbers with the Bible he hid the rock hammer in and wrote a note. The convict was very slick with that and it has me wondering. Never in the movie did the warden open the Bible. The very same Bible he said he lived by and would be a friend to the newly convicted. At first, I liked the warden because he loved the Bible and he quoted a few scriptures here and there. But as the movie played he was so mean and corrupt and I thought how could someone quoting scriptures be so evil. But as I think in the scenes where there was a Bible present, he never turned a single page. If he did, he could of kept up with his dirty secrets.

People talk the talk of being a Christian and they may be able to walk it a bit. But do not be deceived.

The Greatest Gift

2009-11-30T18:06:00.002-05:00

Someone asked me what I had wanted for Christmas. I said nothing. I really don't believe in Christmas. I just think that it is an excuse to spend money or to get something that you normally wouldn't get. When you're a kid it's acceptable but as an adult or older person, I really don't feed into it. But anyways a friend asked me what I wanted and I said I wanted her to read and comment on my blog. She said, "what? That's not a gift!" I said it was. I told her that would be the greatest gift to me from her or any of my friends. To me a lesson learned or a wise word is something that I would cherish forever. I lose things or I don't keep up with them. But I guess she didn't see where I was coming from.

The most simple things are the things that matter the most in this world.

You Cannot Triumph Over My Faith Because I Believe

2009-11-24T10:38:00.006-05:00

In my mind comes these horrible things. Things that go against what I've been living for. And I know it is a trick of the enemy. So I am just going to put it in the air.

I have these thoughts of Jesus not being real. In my mind runs the thought of when the end of life comes there will be no Jesus and all of this is for nothing. But as I sat down at my computer something compelled me to go to my online bible site (http://www.bibletools.org/) and the chapter of John (part of the gospels). As many people know the gospels are filled with the miracles Jesus did while He was here on earth.

And as I am reading I am saying to myself, how could my Jesus not be real. No one can ever do such things. Turning water into wine, speaking the truth about someones life and only known them for 3 minutes and healing people. Also as I think of the things that He's done for me. Placing people where they need to be and being my guidance. Jesus is very much real. Another thing that I want to point out is my scripture of the day that is "randomly generated" daily (or given for God): Colossians 2:6-7, As ye therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in Him: rooted and built up in Him and stablished in the faith as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.

I will NOT let these thoughts which I believe aren't my own, pull me away from the sweetest thing no person can ever offer. Jesus is all I really have to make it successfully through this world. So I will stay embedded in that and living for the One and Only Living God. There is none other that can compare to all that He has done in these short four years of my life.

So keep me in your prayers.

God Is Love

2009-11-23T08:38:00.002-05:00

My Pastor has been teaching us about love. And the greatest love is to love our neighbor. Yesterday she read a few scriptures from 1 John and something told me to read the whole thing. So this morning I read it and the whole book is about loving our neighbor, keeping commandments, dwelling in God and God dwelling in us, knowing God and God knowing us, being righteous and being of the world. But the main point is loving our neighbor. We can't not love our neighbor and say we love God because "God is love and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God and God in him (1 John 4:16)."

A little before my Pastor started this lesson I was really struggling with this. I wasn't fond of a few people. I didn't disrespect them or shut them out of my life completely. I did put up walls and only listened to them to a certain extent. I prayed for them from time to time for what I didn't like about them and I left it at that. I never made it a big deal.

Then my Pastor started this lesson. It had me thinking. She said to talk it out with the person and I was going to do just that. But I highly doubt people know how I feel because I never made it a big deal. So I told myself that what I thought about these people had to go out the window. What people don't know won't hurt them. So I am working on me to be better with them. I pray for the opening of their eyes and mine also because I don't want God to turn me away over something so petty that I could have fixed. It's easy to love within my circle but it is harder to love outside of that. It's harder to do things for those whom I am not that fond of. So I guess that is my next big challenge: to love my neighbor. Even if they don't show me love, I am going to show them love because God is love.

Thee Most Amazing God..EVER

2009-11-22T20:40:00.004-05:00

I have TWO good pieces of news to share!!

First, God is definitely in the miracle working business!! This morning my Pastor was called to pray for all of those who was sick and I was one of them. I had this really bad cough for weeks and I say bad I mean bad. When it first started off it was weak. Then as time progressed it became worse. Once I let out a small cough to clear my throat a series of coughs would follow. As more time progressed I began to lose breath. And just yesterday as I was coughing some pain came into both my sides.

When the call was made I contemplated whether I should go or not. I thought my problem wasn't big enough. After all it was just a cough, nothing serious at all to worry about. But then I just got up and after she prayed I went to sit down and let out a little cough to see if the series would follow. But it didn't. I said "I'll wait a while for some stuff to build." And here I am hours later. I left out a cough, nothing. I make myself cough some more nothing. No cough attacks, no hurt throat NO MORE COUGH!!

Nothing is too small. I wasn't in my full health and God healed me.

Second, I want to start a program in my hometown. So I am entering this contest to win a grant which will help me with finances. It is very similar to what my Youth Pastor does but a few twists and with my own ideas and such. For some reason I told my mother what I wanted to do and that if I am able to start this program it will open many doors for me in the working field once I graduate. Well my older brother's ex girlfriend (I was probably between 7 and 9) happened to see my mother and was talking and asked how we all were doing and my mother mentioned this idea to her. Come to find out the lady is in the area where I would need some help in and gave my mother her contact info.

When my mother told me she gave her her number for me I was like why does she want to talk to me and blah. Then she told me everything that happened. I thanked God. I was so excited. Even though it is just a number it is still a way in and a starting place. I don't even know what to say. I haven't spoke to her in so long. I've been thinking about what to say to start the conversation. Maybe it will just be business, maybe she'll want to know more about me or my brothers. I don't know. But I am just searching for the words. Whether I have something to say or not she will be hearing from me real soon.

God is really amazing. Truly amazing. Thee most amazing.

Stay Grounded, Your Blessing Is Coming

2009-11-20T11:07:00.003-05:00

Stay grounded in the Lord. Even when things don't go your way. Maybe it is like that for a reason. Maybe that's the way God designed it. Don't get mad, get glad! Praise Him at all times. Inspiration from last week's service and personal experience. I ask ask ask and ask but it didn't happen how I wanted it to happen. Or when I wanted it to happen. But I know God is good and will deliver it to me as long as my attitude is right. So I am praising Him and writing this blog post to STOMP on the devil's head. No further action is needed.

Thank you God!
All the glory, honor and praise goes to You.

The Three Little Pigs/Christians

2009-11-17T07:18:00.003-05:00

Building is the key. Once we build it is not so easy to be destroyed IF we work hard, diligently, consistently and faithfully. Synonymous to the Three Little Pigs. They knew the wolf was coming and in our case we know that trials and tribulations and hard times will occur but we don't prepare for them. One made his house of straw, one made his house of sticks and the third made his house with brick.

The first pig like many, was lazy. The notion of just having "something" put up to protect him from the wolf would be OK. And he was confident in that. So when the wolf came and asked to be let in, the pig challenged him thinking that his house would withstand this trouble. The wolf blew it down and ate the pig. Probably at the last moment the pigs final thoughts were probably "why was I so lazy." And that is many of us at the beginning stages.

The second pig, wasn't as lazy as the first. He took time out and built his house with sticks. He knew it was stronger than straw and was completely sure that his house wouldn't get blown away because it was better. So the wolf comes, tests the second pig like the first and the same thing happened. The pig was eaten. His last thoughts were probably, "why me? I build my house better than my brothers."

The last pig knew that building his house wasn't going to be easy but he had to do it or face the same fate as the first two pigs. So he built a strong house of bricks. So when the wolf came and tested the third pig, he was beyond confident. He was bold and then some. The wolf couldn't get in no matter how much he tried. He climbed to the roof but the little pig saw him and lit a fire in the chimney. As the wolf lowered himself down and felt the fire he was gone and the pig lived happily ever after.

I am striving to be like the third little pig. It is not enough to just put up a wall (a weak one too) and think that that would be enough to fight off the devil. It is not enough to look at our neighbors and "learn" from their mistakes but still fall victim. The third little pig was something. He was so prepared that he in turn played his own little prank on the wolf.

We know the enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy so we have to prepare for the worse and put our faith in God that He will deliver us. In a Christian sense, God will tell us what kind of house we need to build he will help with those sneak attacks. We just have to build relationship to grow in Christ.

Be Transparent For That Brother Or That Sister

2009-11-16T08:55:00.004-05:00

A topic that keeps popping up in my head and that was touched on yesterday in Sunday School and during the Word was "transparency." I didn't really learn what transparency was until probably earlier this year when Pastor King came to our church to preach and teach. He'd always say "I want to be transparent for ya'll" and I never really got it until visit after visit. I always say to myself how could one be transparent (I never heard this phrase), and as I kept questioning myself and I got my answer. It was a simple one: he wanted to be our example here on earth. He didn't want us to make the same mistakes that he has made. He wants us to take from his life and apply it to our own. He wanted to be transparent, for us to see through.

In Sunday School we talked about not having to go to a man to confess our sins. We can simply go straight to God through Jesus Christ because Jesus is our advocate, not man. So as the teacher explained that and wrapped that segment up, he ask "Is it ever necessary to confess to someone?" I immediately said no because of the conversation we just had. And then I thought that no one needed to know what I do. All they need to know is that I am trying to get to God. And at an instant transparency popped up into my mind.

If we were more transparent for our brothers and sisters do you think that sin would occur as much as it does? I know everyone sins and we're not perfect but it could be that much easier if more people were bold enough, including myself, to be transparent for that person sitting next to them or that person sitting across the room secretly watching. We all go through it and probably the exact same thing. You don't have to be transparent in the sense of you're telling every single detail but to just let that person know that you are struggling with this and that and it could be a blessing to that person. It could also hold us accountable for our actions.

So my next challenge to my readers is to be transparent for that brother and sister. You'll be surprised at how many relationships grow and sprout.

Patch It Up

2009-11-15T16:26:00.002-05:00

Today we talked about temptation. Our foundations class teacher said that temptation is an act of being enticed to do something that is forbidden by the Word of God. Temptation is not the actual sin but it is the birthing ground of sin. Whether we let that temptation come to light or we suppress it, it can tell our true character. It lets us know where we need to be strengthen at and it also shows us what we need to look out for and where to put the patches.

So to go off of that, we as well as myself need to work on being tempted. If we get through out temptations surely a blessing will follow. Blessings are tests to get to the next level. If we can't handle them at a beginner level we sure enough won't be able to handle them once we take new positions and such.

And if we are tempted and we follow through with it to make it a sin, don't be discourage. But also be honest with yourself because God doesn't give us more than we can bear. I know I don't want to be known as a weakling in God's eyes. When He looks at me, I want Him to see a human being who tried beyond her best. A human being that fell, got up and stood tall, and fell again but still got up and stood tall for His glory.

It is not easy at all. But nothing is ever easy and there is a cost to everything whether you see it or not. So lets work on patching up the holes that temptation has been getting through. And ready again to patch up which ever areas become worn out. We have to be ready.

My Protector

2009-11-11T12:19:00.003-05:00

Last night my friend I were pulling an all night in one of the academic buildings. It's a pretty big building. Well it was like early morning and everything was so still and so quiet and that creeped me out a lot. I was so scared I asked her to come with me to the bathroom with me which was on one floor down. But she refused and I went alone the first time but prayed all the way down there and all the way back.

A few hours later I had to go again and so I went, heard a noise and came back and begged her to come with me and she finally came. But we went to separate bathrooms and I thought she had left me. So I worshipped and praised because I was still scared. But after a few moments I began to take my time. I washed my hands properly, looked in the mirror, fixed myself. But the whole time she was standing outside the bathroom.

We ran back up the stairs and she said, "Jessy you weren't afraid anymore." And without thinking or hesitation I said, "I was praying," then she laughed and I thought about it and laughed too. It was weird for a split second that I had said it to her because people still are surprised when I tell them about my church experience. But I laughed it off with her.

My God was in that building with me protecting me as I asked for protection.

Take Charge

2009-10-29T12:02:00.003-04:00

When people rub you the wrong way do not let it effect you're path in life. As I was reading 2 Samuel this is what happened. Abner who was on the side of Joab turned against him to fight for the reign of David because Joab said something that he didn't like. For this story Abner's decision of joining the other side was a benefit to him because it was the more just side. But all the time we will not be as lucky as Abner.

People turn away from the good things in life because they do not like what someone said to them. What people say or do against you should not make you want to abandon what you have already started. It's a lot of work in that because when you switch you it shows weakness. The other side will know you are vulnerable is certain ways and will devour you off of that alone and the side that you left will simply say you weren't cut out for what laid ahead. So really you'll have no one to turn to.

Keep going forward until you run into a brick wall which will be a lesson learned. One brick wall can symbolize people who are not for you, people who hate you. Just back up a few steps and find another route to go and once you run into another brick wall just repeat the process. But never give up on the road of success. Jesus has your back the whole way.

It's Not Arrogance

2009-10-25T23:21:00.005-04:00

You are always supposed to be humble. But there is nothing wrong with giving yourself some gratification. For a while, while practicing humility, I'd always tell myself to be humble and I'd respond with a simple, "it's not me, it's God," if they give me a compliment. When I felt myself trying to be happy in what I accomplished, I'd settle myself down. I never gave myself any credit (not the word I want to use but cannot think of a better word. I hope you get my point).

I deserve to smile and be proud too. I felt that if I were proud that I accomplished something that I am taking away from God and not walking so greatly in this humility walk. As I reflect I definitely feel some-what different now. My understanding goes a little deeper than just decreasing myself. Yes, God receives the glory but He also in turn passes some of that glory back to me. That's where my joy, excitement and happiness comes in at. From that it makes me want to keep moving forward. Kind of like a motivator.

But if I don't experience all of what God has for me, I am cutting my blessing short. It is not arrogant to feel some type of happiness. Humility is a balance. You can't be too humble and develop a low self-esteem nor can you be too arrogant.

Only He Knows You

2009-10-22T07:51:00.003-04:00

Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Because once you let them tell you who you are you begin to believe it. You begin to act just like that and that could push you off the path you were destined to be on. In this crazy world everyone will try to tell you how they perceive you and such but what they see is most likely not the actual truth. It is not what's on the inside. We tend to get dolled up for company but on the inside we're screaming to be set free. Only God can tell you who you are because He sees you inside and out. So keep your eyes on God and your ear to His chest.

God Bless

Never Too Late To Turn Back To Start Again

2009-10-22T05:07:00.003-04:00

"You can't win if you don't fight," echoes my inner me. Lately, I haven't been living up to what I've elevated to. I know that I am not the same Jessica who started this walk 4 years ago. I know that certain things aren't acceptable but I still do them. Of course I don't want to do it but I've been letting myself go. And that's a trick of the enemy.

Like all, I realized what I was doing and felt ashamed about it because I felt that I let God down. I didn't approach Him as directly as I used to. This kept giving me reason to do it over and over again. And every time the post-feeling was worse and worse. I began to feel numb. Then my inner me whispers something so sweet, "you can't win if you don't fight."

As my Pastor would say (or someone in the church. I know I heard this from somewhere), it's better to lose in a fight than not to fight at all. And that is the wonderful thing about the Holy Spirit. He is like that boxing coach. When you're getting so badly beaten and that few second break comes along, He is there to give you words that will lift you up.

Experience is the best teacher. So I've put back on my boxing gloves and I am ready to fight and determined to win. If not I will keep going back over and over until it is defeated.

The People Stood In Amazement

2009-10-20T07:48:00.003-04:00

In Acts, it tells a simple story of a crippled man sitting at the temple gates begging the people who went inside for gifts. First off, it never hurts to ask of someone if they already have. You never know what you'll get. And this was pretty much what had happened to the crippled man. He asked two of Jesus' apostles to give him a gift and they gave him one of the best things he could have received in life. The man was no longer crippled anymore. The man praised God.

And that's what should happen. People should praise Him for the wonderful things that He does on a daily basis. For the man it was something great so of course God got the glory, but would it have been the same if the apostles gave him a plate of food or gold and silver. We'll never know because the Bible is already written. So praise God no matter how big or small things are.

After the apostles straightened out the man everyone was in amazement except for the apostles. Since they knew the power of Jesus and what God had stored in them, this "miracle" that they performed wasn't so much a miracle in their eyes. True it was something that didn't often happen but the apostles knew of the power and this was something small. They weren't in awe like the people in the town. And the instant they got the chance, they began to tell about the people about the Good News. They didn't argue with them about why they didn't know the Lord, they simply told them about Him.

The moral of the story is to do the good works of God so people can be amazed at us and then we can tell them that it was God. They can learn about God through our actions and testimonies. They'll see that only One can do such things.

Practice Humility

2009-10-19T23:08:00.003-04:00

I had an experience but I really don't want to put it out there. It wasn't a spiritual encounter but it was and still is a spiritual lesson.

No matter how bad people treat you continue to be humble and meek. Don't let them walk all over you but stay on that path. There are times where I want to move away from that course and just say those little things that run across my mind. But I know those aren't things of God and little things like that can keep me away from something that is soo much more.

Humility is probably one of the worse and most difficult things to task because who likes to be shut down. Just know, in the end, the bad guy never wins.

Encouragement

2009-10-16T15:50:00.004-04:00

Everytime I feel stuck, I notice that I go back to what is comfortable. But when I get back to that comfortable place, I tell myself that I should of endured a bit longer and maybe I could of got some results.

Be patient, because you'll never know what could have been until you have been. Hold on, because just when you let go, you're help would have come.

Be patient and confident in the Lord

Romans 12:2

2009-10-14T06:56:00.001-04:00

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2)

Bible verse of the day. So totally true. Renew you mind and everything else will fall into place. Man I love my God.

Break Down Or Break Through?

2009-10-13T21:48:00.003-04:00

I know I've said it time and time again. I've thought about it time and time again. Let go and let God, let go and let God. I thought once I get this in my mind it will be alright. But it wasn't. Today I just became so fed up because I'd put it in the Lord's hands and I'd still end up in the same place. As I broke down and began to cry to the Lord and pray and speak to my God, this same cliche saying was said to me. I told this voice that I did let go but still look at me. I was still in the same mess. But the voice said to me that I really haven't let go. I let go for the moment but strings are still attached. I think I conquered it but when it appears the next time it beats me down even more.

The voice said, "let go." I want to let go and be worry-free but it won't just happen in a split second. It takes time. It's like sky diving. I know if I were to ever do it, I wouldn't just jump of the plane. I would have to build up enough gut and nerve to do it. The voice said, "let God." But I ask myself do I really want Him to? Honestly, I really don't because all I could think about is then and how it used to be. I know better things will come but I am still stuck in the then.

I have the power and only I can make my own decisions. I have to be willing to really let go to let God do what He has planned for me and to get to a higher place. It's all about growth in Christ and the Word and growth within myself.

Be Confident in the Lord

2009-10-13T14:28:00.004-04:00

"Be confident in the Lord," keeps coming up in my mind and pressing on me.

Last week another thing was pressing on me. It wasn't anything bad. I felt I was told to tell something to someone but I didn't :-(. That nagging feeling was there for a few hours then I just went to sleep. I told myself that I would say it but then so many other things on why I shouldn't came to mind. But God didn't stop with me. On Sunday my Pastor preached a wonderful message. As I was listening to it, part of it in essence was what I was supposed to say. Throughout the service I was getting on myself for not saying it but then something in me confirmed that the message did indeed get across.

God uses us but we have to be ready. Feelings and doubt cannot get in the way. So I've personally learned. Be confident in the Lord and do as He says.

Paul's Reminder To Them And To Us

2009-10-08T12:25:00.005-04:00

I've been reading and pondering the first four chapters of Ephesians and it pretty much goes with my last entry about exhorting and it also is a reminder to me of why I should stay in the body of Christ and continue to do His good works. Paul told the people in Ephesus that God already had something planned for them. He told them about the Holy Spirit and how to treat one another and how to just grow as people in Christ. All of this in four short chapters. This goes to show Paul was about his business. He broke it down and told them plain and simple. But simplicity is sometimes complex.

We know that God chose us before we chose Him and that we are here to fulfil His Will. But as I pointed out before, it's hard to do the will of someone else, even God. But Paul tells the people that he himself do what he does out of kindness and out of love. And we should do the same for God. We should do His will because we love Him so much.

Paul reminds the people that they were so filthy and consumed with the world but God made a way for them to become clean and pure and righteous again. He tells the people it was God's grace and mercy and most importantly, His love that set them free. A generous gift from God. And for that gift they should do the works that God predestined them to do and to do them in an honorable manner so He can get the glory in the end.

All in all, God is a good God..

Are You Up For The Challege? Exhort!

2009-10-06T10:56:00.003-04:00

If you try something and you fail at it, you try again. That goes the same with sin. As I was online reading the bible and different commentaries, the word "exhort" came up. I didn't really know what it meant so I looked it up and the basic definition to my knowledge is like a warning and/or encouragement depending on how you use it (correct me if I am wrong). The bible says that we should exhort one another daily. From the context around that verse (Hebrew 3:13) it was speaking on how one can drift away from the Word of God unknowingly and by exhorting one another and even your self can be a tool used to help you or a friend not drift away and stay in the Word.

So I challenge you and myself to exhort, exhort, exhort. You never know, your exhortation may help a brother or sister not sin and become deeper in Christ. Then that person can exhort the next and so on.Let people know that God cares for them and that even if you do fail just try even harder to succeed the next time. Stay confident.

Take It To Jesus

2009-10-04T23:10:00.002-04:00

Don't lean on anyone because they may not be able to support you, just lean on Him. Don't tell secrets because you may wish you hadn't have told, just whisper to Jesus. Don't trust everyone because everyone isn't trustworthy, just trust Jesus.

Take it to Jesus..

I Truly Am His And Only His

2009-10-04T22:44:00.004-04:00

Well now I have a single room on campus and I really don't like the dark. But since I was sharing a dorm for the past two years it makes it kind of hard to sleep with a light on. So now I usually leave my laptop for a little night light (hehehe) and play praise and worship music and I listen to it as I drift to sleep.

But this one night I was having this horrible dream. Every scary person that played in scary movies were in my dreams: the Boogeyman, Candyman, Jason, Freddy Kruger etc. I don't remember what they were saying but all I remember is they were trying get me be on their side. But every time I refused they would go away and another would come. And the really weird part was I felt I had two minds. In my dreaming state I was calm and just thinking about Jesus but I also felt a part of me was awake and that side was in a panic. That must of been the flesh side because I absolutely without a doubt hate scary movies. Then finally I wake up and before I can open my eyes I rebuked the devil, praised God, heard two words from the music on the laptop and closed my eyes and went back to a peaceful sleep.

Dr. Jeffers was teaching how God promises us a sweet sleep and that's exactly what I got, a sweet sleep. Even though I had that crazy dream, God was with me. Maybe God wanted to see who I'd serve I guess. Or maybe He was testing me because I "fearED" the devil because of his outward appearance. God was probably showing me that there is really nothing to be afraid of and that the devil is all talk. That's what he did in the dream, talked. Only God holds the key to my life, only God can influence me, only God can curse or bless me. So why be afraid of the devil? He ain't nobody!

(I had this dream a week ago and for this past week, I was debating if I wanted to share it or not. I was afraid because I didn't want people to think I was crazy or that I am in the hands of Satan. But over the weekend I felt God pressing me to write this. He told me, not to worry what people think. Why should He do such great works for me and I not talk about them? So hear I am writing about the wonderful things that God puts me through. I truly am blessed. Pray for me!

He Went Away And Then He Prayed..

2009-09-30T18:52:00.006-04:00

Sometimes it's good to go off on your own to work on you. Jesus often went out to a place of solitude. He didn't just separate Himself and just sit there, He prayed. Prayer is one of the ways many people use to communicate with God. As I look at each instance of Jesus going off to be alone, first something huge happens prior and then immediately after He prayed.

Jesus' choices made Him perfect. Before choosing his disciples, He went into the mountains to pray. The next day Jesus came down and picked twelve. He heard of the sad news of John the Baptist, He went away to a place of solitude and then He prayed. After He fed the 5,000, He parted ways with the disciples for a few and prayed. And before His crucifixion, He again parted ways with the disciples and prayed.

But the Bible never specifies what exactly Jesus prayed about. But if one was to infer taking into account all that Jesus is, He was probably praying for strength, courage and guidance. After all He was here on earth by His Father to set and example for the world to follow after. And since He was sent by the Father, He had to be guided also. He probably wanted to mourn the loss of a friend, express his joys to God about 5,000 people and ask His Father questions. He brought it all to the Highest Power. Jesus probably didn't want to pray in front of the disciples because He wanted to fall apart. How would the disciples feel if the One who is supposed to be leading them looks a mess? Would they completely understand that everyone can't be strong all the time? So Jesus went alone into prayer.

So praying in a place where no one can see or hear you will probably help and most importantly improve your relationship with God, so you can be like Jesus.

I Can Hear You Loud And Clear, I'm Coming!

2009-09-28T12:47:00.004-04:00

As I was muttering to the Lord for help and guidance on being tempted and how to free myself, some words ran across my mind. They said, "you have the power in you, but you are scared to let it shine." And those words are very true. I want to live a God-led life where he directs my evry move but from down here it seems so scary. It's like I am holding myself back purposely because I know once I'm taken to another level more responsibility and accountability of my actions are required. It's a psychological thing. I know once I get to that higher place everything will be alright.

So now all I have to do is allow myself to grow, step up and trust Him with everything I have.

Summer Experience

2009-09-23T10:23:00.003-04:00

I've been in school for almost a month. Things have calmed down just a bit. I reflect over the summer and it was something else. I had a full schedule everyday. If I wasn't at one place, I was at another. But the one thing that stuck out to me and that I still ponder on is the Step Team that I was apart. It was so much work. Dealing with people is a tough job and I applaud every person that has to deal with people. As I've blogged before (I think) I was in charge of putting the step team together at church. At first everything was almost perfect. We had a lot of people in the beginning who seemed very dedicated. The first show was a success. Then as the months rolled by things began to fall apart. It wasn't a total wreck but it just didn't come out how I wanted it to or how I expected it to. But the good thing is I've learned many lessons.

Dealing with people is something you have to be equipped for, really. I see it as gift and a curse. I was honored to be doing something for my church and for God but the process of actually getting it done was crazy. I can say I was effected by what happened in this group a lot. At the time I really didn't know how to handle it. So I was stressing. I was so focused on whether the pieces were going to be good enough that it became harder for me to remember steps and make them up and simply do what I had to do. It was just crazy. I couldn't wait until we were done with the last show and God's work should never be like that.

Recently, my youth Pastor asked if we could do a show at the end of October. At first I was a little shaky on it and didn't want to do it. I came up with so many reasons why we shouldn't but there is definitely only one reason why we should, God. Once I thought of that reason things began to get a little brighter. Instead of throwing it all away I am trying to come up with ways to make it better. The first time will probably never be right nor the second. But as long as we progress then I am happy with that.

I am excited for everything to just come together and work out for the better.

Caution: It's Stated Real Clear

2009-09-21T00:21:00.006-04:00

Be careful how you treat others. Be careful how you act toward others. Caution. Be careful with others. That's something that's been going through my mind for a few months. As I look around me I see how this person treats that person and vice versa. I see how the treatment differs from someone who is hip to someone who is not hip, someone who is a leader and someone who is not a leader, someone who is someone and someone who is no one and so on. Why is that?

Once you get into the hip crowd, become a leader or someone of importance then it's a different story, for me at least. Things become a little cloudy. Am I trying to be like this person? Is this something I'll do? Simply, is this me? They say being on top is so much better than the bottom. But I don't see it. You can be on the highest mountain and still not see everything as you would have if you were on the bottom. From the top you see ant people, you see buildings that were once big way smaller, it's like a big mirage. But for me, the bottom is the place to be. Not that I am settling for less or that I don't want to set and achieve goals of my own but because it's such a better view. You can see that mural painted on the wall and just the pure beauty of things. You know for sure that it is what it is. No squinting, second-guessing or judgement from others. It's right there. Individualism, Independence, Originality, Uniqueness. At the bottom you take more caution. You know at any moment anything can happen. But as for the top "nothing can really happen," until it actually happens.

It's just how you take it all in really. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I am treated nicely because I hang with this person (top) or I am over looked because I hang with that person (bottom). But if I had to choose sides, I'd rather be overlooked. Again, I am not being pessimistic. I think being overlooked gives you the opportunity to see from all points of view and how things really are. To me, it's a blessing. You just have to know how to handle it.

Just An Observer

2009-07-17T21:26:00.003-04:00

It's definitely been a while since I've written. So much has been coming my way I haven't really sorted it out. That alone is a problem. I've been trying to think for myself and fix this because I felt that it was my mess to clean and not God's. But everything is His, both good and bad. So after going through this little war in my mind with myself, I am finally putting it in His hands. I am taking things word by word and day by day. I can't expect people to say what I want them to say and I can't expect my days to go as planned or even try to make my life come out the way that I want it too. As I've written before, it's time to surrender my will and take on God's will. That's a tough thing.

When I first started this blog I said it was basically to help me get my ideas and thoughts out. I didn't come to that notion on my own. It was God. I know it was God. I am the type of person to just sit there and take it all in as far as what people do and how they treat me and others. I just observed. If I have a problem I observe others to see how they handled it. I wouldn't and still won't go ask for advice. So this blog in a way I believe is to help me not stay an observer but to become more involved. And I am beginning to see this spiritually. I go back to where I am comfortable because I don't ask. But in order for me to push forward and stay there until I am supposed to go to the next level: I NEED to ask questions.

There is much more I can blog on but this is all I could formulate at the moment.

Dentist and God

2009-06-23T12:43:00.004-04:00

Since I've been to my new dentist office they've been telling me I need this and that done to my teeth. Just minor things but still a lot. One procedure I did want done was to get my wisdom tooth removed. It's been giving me problems. So I had to go to the hospital for a consultation because I need a special surgery. I had to be there by 6am. The whole morning I was like who goes to the dentist at 6am. When I got there, there were people already there. As the morning began to pass the waiting area kept filling up.

They called me a total of four times. The first time it was to answer a few questions about medical history and blah, the second was to give information such as address and phone numbers, the third was for an x-ray and the fourth was to see the actual dentist. Mind you there were more than 30 people waiting. I said why won't they just call one person at a time and sign them in, get medical history and x-rays and then have the patients wait to be seen by the dentist. People also felt the same way because I would hear some moan and groan. People left to put more quarters in the meter, to eat and some even went to sleep. A few even missed their number.

This made me think about God and how he deals with us. He calls us plenty of times. But we are too occupied with other things or sleeping. Then He has to come back around to get us together again to do what He wants us to do. It takes more than one shot to do someting. It was their process that we had to go through so we have to abide by their rules. So with God, it's His world, so we have to do what He wants us to do.

Confused

2009-06-17T23:17:00.003-04:00

I tried to write but nothing is coming to mind. Maybe some things shouldn't be on my mind. Like his problem or her problem. It's throwing me all off of track. Instead of worrying aboout my situation, there are a lot more others to worry about. A lot of things I may have to let go but I just don't have the heart to. They always say be like Christ, forgive blah blah blah. But when I try to be, I am told this and that is wrong. I don't want to seem rebellious but how can I follow advice on what I don't understand. The Bible says not to lean on my own understanding but I can't lean on others' understanding of the Bible either. It just seems so wrong which ever way. I don't know.

Surrender

2009-05-27T22:57:00.005-04:00

Pastor talked about surrendering our will to do God's will. Even though we know that his will is the best thing to do, why does it seem so hard? Everything seems so right and innocent and OK but it's not. It's tough to give up what I want and just do what God says without going in a circle. It sounds nice to surrender to God's will, but the whole process is just crazy. That's my struggle right now. But I am getting a grasp on things.

While I was listening to my ipod I heard a song (I don't know the artist or song right now) and it was talking about the journey being hard and certain people will have to go and Christians are special people. It actually gave me courage to actually face this struggle. Then I hear that we should separate ourselves from the world and what not. I hear the message and it's sinking in bit by it. I have to put my mind into gear to do what God says to do. I have to take action. Because once God takes over I know things will definitely start to change, more people will leave and this battle will not become any easier.

Pray for me!!

Friendship

2009-05-26T23:14:00.003-04:00

Today in our monthly meeting for the women of the church, we discussed friendship. Everyone was talking about how they felt a friendship should be managed and the different rights each person has and such. But to me a friendship is a title I give to people (almost everyone) but as mentioned in the meaning, each friendship is valued differently.

The more I value that friendship the more I'd do for that person and the more I'd give my all to that person. I don't slave away and try to make that person feel like king/queen or base my doings around them. I just be me and they'll be them and we just accept each other. I talked about a friendship that I have that I would never want to trade. We grew up together but when we were younger we would never really talk. But as we grew older we just grew together. I also have friends that I've gotten close to in high school. I say what keeps these friendships going (also mentioned in the meeting) are being able to speak to each other, communication, dedication and things along those lines. Nothing they say can hurt me because I trust them that much. So in my mind they are there to help me be the best me.

None of the previous friendships I wrote about are saved. But I am trying to build that relationship with sisters from my church. So when things are planned I make sure I am there so we can build that bond because that will definitely help my spiritual life. Just as my friends that are not saved tell me that a certain thing is wrong or not worth doing, the same can go for my spiritual sisters. Well that's what I want. I also want to build that type of relationship with the one that matters the most, God. I want the type of relationship where I don't have to question myself anymore. I just want to be able to trust with no doubts. But a relationship takes time. So in time I will have it all.

Flattering Observation

2009-05-24T00:10:00.002-04:00

Lately I've been around the church a lot due to me leading the our church's step team. It's coming together bit by bit, but in the midst of all of that, I've been able to be around people I am not normally around. So since we're around each other more and more someone gave me a compliment on how I present and handle myself. I know I observe people but I never thought anyone would observe me.

The funny thing is, we were both observing each other. I think that this person is one of the coolest, most down to earth person there is in my church. I admire this persons struggle and I try to use some things that this person testifies to us about in my own life. This person rarely speaks until asked and when that time comes, it's like I feel every word that is spoken as wisdom flows from the tongue (mind you we've only gotten deep in lecture type situations). True sincerity. I love being in this persons presence. This person is just amazing and to see that this person thinks I am a good person and thinks good things about me lights up my day.

Thoughts of Doubts/Endurance

2009-05-18T21:38:00.004-04:00

I feel so heavy. I don't feel that I am living up to what I am supposed to be living up to. The extra mile is so long and weary. The goal seems so far away. The closer I get the further it seems I have to go. As much as I gain is as much as I lose. It seems like my best isn't the best for my God and Jesus. It feels like I am on one minute and off the other. Or maybe I am just doubting myself.

What I am supposed to live up to, I've already passed. The extra mile I went, I am starting to feel it because that particular race is over. The goal is sa far because it's way way behind me. I am actually getting closer because I have to go through many obtacles to get to Jesus and I am getting by these individual obtacles slowly but surely. I am winning battles but the overall war is not over yet. There is always room to improve to be the best for God because he is perfect and I am not. I am only human. I am off because I am walking on new ground. Once I conquer this it will become too easy and then God will place me in another rocky situation.

Everything is a process and livng for Christ is not an easy task. It's definitely beating me down. But I will not stay down. I will endure for my God.

More Church!!

2009-05-17T23:09:00.003-04:00

Break has officially began. I am excited to see what this summer will be made of. I want to do so much and so far it's working. The church step team is going great. We are on our fourth practice and they are getting better. The first practice I didn't know what I was going to do because I it didn't go the way I had expected. People were learning slow and I thought that we weren't going to pull it together by the time our first performance came around. But I just hoped in God and prayed that he'll take over the practices. And I believe he has truley done that. Things are looking great.

I've also been asked to teach the younger Sunday School class again. I thought about it but I felt I wasn't ready. I thought to myself that I should just refuse because I have a lot more learning to do myself. Today when we had the Sunday School meeting that same thought came to my mind. But something dropped in my Spirit. It basically said that it is true that I have a lot of learning to do but I could in turn learn a lot more as I teach the younger kids which is true. I won't be a permenent teacher but as I study the lessons to teach if I am called, I will be taking in knowledge and then spitting it back out to the younger kids. So after my Spirit spoke to me I was comforted.

With these responsibilities in the church I pray that they draw me closer to God along with my ambitions to be great in Christ. Pray for me!

Sorry: Late on the Posts

2009-05-11T21:32:00.002-04:00

Sorry I haven't been posting lately. Last week I finished all of my finals and I am exhausted. But I will start to post regularly really soon.

Day Five: Seeing Life From God's View

2009-05-05T13:17:00.002-04:00

Point to Ponder: Life is a test and a trust.

Question to Ponder: What has happened to me recently that I now realize is a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

Recently, I've noticed few things that were test from God. The first thing is, people from the past seem to try and make their selves part of my present and future. I've already walked that road and there were good times and bad times. The simple fact is, no matter how many good times there were, they weren't meant to be apart of my future. People come and people go. Some may be there just for a moments lessons and others may be there years. But the fact is "they gotta go!"

The second test is like two in one. Lately a lot of people have been asking me to go to this party or to that party. I just say, "no thanks." Some would follow up and ask, "why not, it's going to be fun." Then I say "I go to church." Then the really bold one said, "well church girls go to parties." I said "hmmm, no me." And that was the end of the conversation. Another person asked and the conversation went like the last one I describe but instead this person said, "God doesn't want you to be bored, he wants you to have fun," and so on and so forth. I laughed because I thought about the topic I talked about at Youth Service and told Him how living for God really is. The eventually backed down because they was just going in circles and repeating things over and over while I was bringing up different points. So I believe that God is putting what I say to in practice. Am I really being true to my word? The second thing in this test is seeing if I could resist the temptation. I wasn't tempted because parties are something of the past to me. But He probably wanted to make a point that I can only be tempted if I let myself be tempted.

The last thing that was a test was my priorities. Besides church I have other things that fill up my daily agenda. Recently, I've turned down our main step show that we organize as a team and host, a step show we step in annually so it's like tradition and a step show that was apart of my schools Dance Company. Despite every one nagging me about coming to the shows instead of church, I stood my ground. There were times I did feel bad and was going to give in and just step but going to church was something I seen as more important.

The greatest matters God has entrusted to me is my life. In my life many things will occur. With my life I can do so much to help someone else's life. God is trusting me to teach his words. Not behind a pulpit or anything but to the people around me. My small life that he has given could be something so great.

Day Four: Make It Last Forever

2009-05-01T18:49:00.003-04:00

Point to Ponder: There is more to life than just here and now.

Question to Consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and one thing I should start doing?

One thing I should stop doing is doubting myself or thinking that what I come up with is not a good idea. I am not saying all the time, but sometimes when I do get the courage to present my idea to someone they encourage me to do it. So I think when I stop doubting myself then I could grow even bigger in Christ (yes I am so determined to get to Him :-]). It's hard because that's how I was since I was little. I don't do something and miss the opportunity. So I think that my breaking point is coming soon or when God's will says so.

One thing I should start doing (going off of what I said above) is putting myself out there more and being consistent in the Word. I read my Bible most days but some days I skip out. Not because I don't want to read the Good News but because I am "too busy." So I should start doing that because I can probably shake some stuff loose by reading the handbook to this simple life. This is something I am going to start to work on though. Like making a schedule or waking up early enough to do just that.

Day Three: What Drives Your Life?

2009-04-29T08:10:00.003-04:00

Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.

Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

I think my mom would say the driving force of my life is church, school and friends. She'd say church because I am always there when I come home on the weekends or I'd come back come back just to be in church. Also every time I go somewhere it's with the church. So she always say "what ya'll be doing at that church?, you're always there!" So I think church is something she sees in me. I also like going to school. Every time she says she is going to send me to a school I feel I shouldn't be at I go crazy. I think she just likes to see my reaction. But when I do something well in school I tell her and I always tell her about what my school has to offer and such. I always talk about that. And lastly, she'd say my friends because she thinks I bend over backwards for them. When I don't. I just like to be nice to them and treat them with a lot of love.

My friends would probably say the driving force of my life is school for the same reasons I stated above. I like school at certain points in time. They may even say church too because I always tell them about it or relate whatever it is that we are doing to church.

I want the driving force of my life to be God and the things of God. As I go from service to service there are all kinds of people who give testimonies about God working in their life and they are blessed. I want to be just like that. I want to stand up in front of people and talk about the good things God has done in my life. With God all things are possible. So it's like every thing in one. I can have God and underneath that umbrella a whole bunch of things will fall in place whether it's having peace or happiness. If I have God then I'll have peace and happiness and not have to choose. So I want to keep living for God no matter how bad the course.

Day Two: You Are Not An Accident

2009-04-28T09:27:00.004-04:00

Point to Ponder: I am not an accident.

Question to Consider: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

Part of my personality that I am struggling to accept is my shyness. People may not think I am shy but I really am. I try to hide it all the time. If you ever see a big grin on my face then that side is coming out. Sometimes I force myself to say things to suppress the shyness. I want to be able to just get up in front of people and say things without shaking and my voice going in and out. Other than that I like my personality. I like to please those around me (to a certain extent). If I know it will make someone smile then I am willing to do it. Another part of my personality that I am struggling with is second guessing myself. When I second guess myself in the end I wish I would have did what I second guessed. So I feel I lack the confidence that I should have. Again, sometimes I just have to push/force myself to just do it.

Part of my background that I am struggling to accept is my family. I seem so much different from them. It's like I am the one who sticks out and is different. But who am I to say, they may feel the same way. But I don't think I get the full support I need from the beginning. I have to just go ahead and do it and when something good comes from it is when the support comes in. I tell myself that where I started doesn't matter but where I end up. I try not to let that get to me but once in a while it does.

I love my physical appearance. Once in a while I don't like my stomach but it's because I like to eat. So my tummy is something I did to myself (lol), so I can't complain. I accept everything else. I love it.

But thinking of the point to ponder I guess it's all for a reason. It doesn't make complete sense to me now but it will. What's going through my mind is where I came from will probably help someone else get through.

Selfishness

2009-04-27T22:14:00.005-04:00

People are really selfish. I've seen it through out my life. I can be guilty for being selfish too. Sometimes it's something that just happens without knowing. It goes deeper than you. It goes deeper than me. It goes deeper than me and you. It goes as deep as me, you and every body else. Now that's deep. Deeper than what we imagined. But people don't realize it because of selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding. You don't want to be wrong because you have to be right. You don't make mistakes because you've stepped over something like this before. You, you, you. But what about me? Is that selfish? To ask about me when I am talking about you? What about me? Now I have to work a little harder and feel a piece of me lose a little life. Keeping up with your selfishness is burden on my back. But of course you don't feel it because you're not me. You just think I am tired from everything else around me when in reality I am tired of you.

He Definitely Comes Through

2009-04-27T11:38:00.003-04:00

I applied for a summer grant for the summer of 2009 which is for students who are taking on an unpaid internship. The deadline was April 3 and after submitting the proposal for the grant I prayed and asked God to award me this grant. Even though it's not millions of dollars I still had many plans for it. But I had to keep in my head that I couldn't ask God for something and He not get any glory from it. So I decided to go to South Africa with my church in December with the money and use the other half for school.

Well after submitting application all the applicants received an email back stating that everyone will know whether they were awarded the grant or not by the weekend of April 24. When the 24th came I kept checking my email over and over and like 50 times a day. The 26 came and still I got no email response. As I was sitting in my french class something told me to check my mailbox. So I went and checked my mailbox. Mind you I don't receive much mail. When I opened it there was a white paper about exams week, a lime green paper on dorm key returns and a (school name goes here) envelope with my name and mailbox number. I thought it was for a class or a dinner that I was invited to. But once I opened it, it was a letter for the grant I applied for. I was awarded the summer grant! I thanked God.

I was awarded this grant from God because if I wasn't I wouldn't of been able to work in His house like I would have wanted to. This summer I believe is my time to work in His house. My Pastor wants me to coordinate a step team and that's a lot of hard work and takes a lot of time. I also want to do a few days a week at the church camp (if they have it this summer), go to Bible Study consistently, fellowship with my church family and go to South Africa. I cannot do all that plus work a regular job. So at least I am starting off with something. I still have to work at my regular job of course, but not as hard as I would have.

Thank God!!

Day One: It All Starts With God

2009-04-27T08:53:00.003-04:00

I am starting to read Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life:What On Earth Am I Here For?" This book will hopefully help me figure out my purpose in God. If not it's a good book to keep me focused on God. I will post the questions regularly and title them "Day (day goes here):(title of chapter goes here). If they aren't titled like that then it's just my normal posts. Hope you guys enjoy my journey, I sure enough will. (can't wait until I reach day forty!)

Point to Ponder: It's not about me.

Question in Consideration: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

I can remind myself that lfe is about living for God and not myself because I'm told over and over again that we were created for Him. So if I were created for Him I have to do what I do for Him. I have to please Him. Through God is how I go on living, through God I am able to go to this expensive school, through God almost everythng makes sense. I constantly remind myself that I live for God by surrounding myself by the things of God. When I do that I see more and more that He is God because only God can perform in such a way. When I encounter things that say "do it for you, do what makes you happy," I think "will God be pleased?" So all in all I put Him in the midst of everything whether it's eating a piece of candy or a big plate of food.

Different Lights to a Different Setting

2009-04-25T17:35:00.003-04:00

I was talking to a friend and I told her how I felt about her spiritually and such. I went on to talk about how I felt about our mutual friends and how everyone was special. I told her that we all have attributions of God and that we each possess something that is so unique from the next. And since each person differs we see certain situations differently which is not a bad thing. We all shine! In my walk right now I (carefully) look to these peers of mine to push myself further and to learn more about God. We are all different lights to a different setting. We are all intertwined and lean to each other for understanding. So if one is dim then that affects the whole group. We have to keep each other in check because if we lose one, we risk losing all.

I feel that being the age that we are and deeply dedicated to God that we are rare individuals. And usually when something is rare it gets abused and is taken away from what it was really supposed to be for. Diamonds weren't made to be worn on fingers. It is our responsibility to keep each other grounded and hungry for the Lord.

Faithful Is Our God

2009-04-24T13:25:00.002-04:00

Love, love looove this song.

Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all
Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all

Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all
Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
I'm reaing the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me

Just the Beginning

2009-04-22T17:20:00.006-04:00

God is so good. When He wants you to know or to do something He will let it be known. Lately I've been feeling that I am too comfortable just sitting in the pew at church. I feel that I've learned all that I can get by just coming to church on Sunday's. Then I started attending the services that didn't fall on a Sunday and going to events that I normally would pass over. Now that's still not enough for me. I feel that I need more. I want to be immersed by everything pertaining to God. And I think these feelings are getting some attention from God.

I know as well as God that I need to take it up a step because doing the things that I do is easy for me. I don't have to think about if I'll make it to service or not. I heard that once you become too comfortable in church (and I am extending that to my natural life also) then it will become easier for you to deviate and I don't need to go through that again. So I felt that I should step out in church more and become involved. Then I got an opportunity from God to each my Youth Pastor's (female) Sunday school class that I enjoyed very much. It was the push I needed. Then I just read another blog about being the light for others. It felt like her blog was literally speaking to me and brought up thoughts that I had in mind.

So now what I have to do is act on it and really seek God because I feel and know that all of this has purpose and meaning. It's only the beginning is what I am told :-.)