My New Year's Resolution

it's easy to get the I-don't-deserve-God attitude and the I-can-live-without-the good-things-of-God attitude. With that attitude we start to settle for less and not get the good things that God has promised to us. Even though we mess up we have to realize it, own it then pray to God for help. Don't wait until you get too deep where you're at an all-time low. That's where desperation comes in at. You can save yourself from that.

I write about this subject AGAIN because owning something is not easy at all. Speaking for myself, I don't want to be a person filled with sin. I'll be on the straight path and then when I mess up I remove myself from the promise. Then the cycle starts.

With that said, my New Year's Resolution is to realize my flaws and weak areas, OWN THEM and pray to God to help me. I don't want anything fancy because by owning my mistakes I can become a better me to help others. I don't want to help others if I am not straight myself.

New Year's Vent

Eveyone keeps talking about their New Year's Resolution and they're all the same. Cliche things get to me, like really gets to me. Everyone says they are going to let people go and erase numbers and blah blah blah.Why do you have to wait for a new year to take action. uugggghhhh

I/We Have To Put In Work

We had the Grand Opening of our church. It's been in existence for a very long time but we just opened our new sanctuary in our fairly new location. It is so beautiful. I am still amazed because a handful of out faithful members put it together. I am not just talking about a little work here and there but literally the whole project. From plumbing, electrical, flooring etc. The whole works.

Our step group stepped and I noticed that stepping for my church isn't the same as stepping for my school, totally different. When I step for each the adrenaline rush is so different. For school the rush is more of I am so ready to do this and for church it is more hesitant. Also when I step for my school when I mess up I quickly catch myself and continue on. I am nervous but I can think clearly and execute the steps to near perfection. But for church, the nervousness takes over and everything flies out the window. I wonder why that is. It's so weird. I guess I have to put in more work. But the piece sounded really great.

As the service went on though the preacher preached a nice sermon. It was based on be accountable for what is given to our church. Since God is taking us to the next level by expanding our church we have to do something with it and go up to the next level. Then he touched on us all moving together and listening to God and if we mess up just to put it in God's hands because He will be there with us the whole way.

Frustration

No lie, I let people get the best of me. I try my hardest not to get upset and unleash my attitude and just let things flow but some way some how it always finds its way out. I feel I have pretty good judgement, knowledge and common sense to know what is right and what it wrong in what I am placed over but another person may see it in a totally different light. And that keeps me from stretching out as far as I can. When I feel I've made progress and that we've moved our relationship up there, they do what they do to make me tick. Uuurrrrrgggghhhhhh! And then the giving up comes in. When I push, they pull.



I am working toward being humble and meek as a leader but not too passive or too weak. There is a very fine line. I guess when I feel like there is no authority where there should be is where the change in attitude comes in. I don't know. All I know is I am tired! You get the point.



People are difficult. That's probably why I stayed away from them in the first place. But they say in God's house you have to mingle.

Those Who Remain

Most Sundays give me strength. Last Sunday, the Minister definitely brought the Word. She was specking so much truth too. The title of her sermon was , "Those Who Remain." It comes from the scripture of 1 Thessalonians 4:17 ("Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.").

It was very motivational. She talked about how she wanted to give up on Christ and such. And of course, we've all been there. She told us to hold on to the end because if we wanted to go with God at the end of this life, we have to stay alive and remain with the Lord. This meant that we have to be alive and kicking in our spiritual lives and have stayed with the Lord through everything.

She also reminded us that in this walk it isn't going to be easy and we know that. So we should not be surprised when hardships come our way. Putting that alone into our minds can probably put it at ease a bit. When we go through whatever it is we are going through we have to say to ourselves that this is what this walk is all about. We have to be strong!

Just pick yourself back up and stay in the Lord.

Busted

Today, I seen the movie "The Shawshank Redemption." It is a movie about a man who is wrongfully convicted and sent to prison. He was a really intelligent man when it came to numbers, accounting and things of that sort. So the warden and other officers in the prison used him for things of that nature. After a while the man was using the prison itself as a way to launder money for the warden. But the man out-smarted the warden and me too! Hours after watching the movie is where the pieces are coming in at.

At the beginning of the movie, the convict gets a rock hammer because he loved to sculpt rocks. Then he noticed how weak the walls were. So he tunneled his way out. Out of nineteen years he was able to hide his rock hammer in the pages of his Bible (cut out the pages) from room searches by the prison guards. The warden was there and took such an interest to him because he had a Bible in his hand. The warden began to question him about the Bible and quoted a few scriptures himself.

As the convict finishes us his escape route out of prison, he switches the accounting book where the warden kept his dirty numbers with the Bible he hid the rock hammer in and wrote a note. The convict was very slick with that and it has me wondering. Never in the movie did the warden open the Bible. The very same Bible he said he lived by and would be a friend to the newly convicted. At first, I liked the warden because he loved the Bible and he quoted a few scriptures here and there. But as the movie played he was so mean and corrupt and I thought how could someone quoting scriptures be so evil. But as I think in the scenes where there was a Bible present, he never turned a single page. If he did, he could of kept up with his dirty secrets.

People talk the talk of being a Christian and they may be able to walk it a bit. But do not be deceived.

The Greatest Gift

Someone asked me what I had wanted for Christmas. I said nothing. I really don't believe in Christmas. I just think that it is an excuse to spend money or to get something that you normally wouldn't get. When you're a kid it's acceptable but as an adult or older person, I really don't feed into it. But anyways a friend asked me what I wanted and I said I wanted her to read and comment on my blog. She said, "what? That's not a gift!" I said it was. I told her that would be the greatest gift to me from her or any of my friends. To me a lesson learned or a wise word is something that I would cherish forever. I lose things or I don't keep up with them. But I guess she didn't see where I was coming from.

The most simple things are the things that matter the most in this world.

You Cannot Triumph Over My Faith Because I Believe

In my mind comes these horrible things. Things that go against what I've been living for. And I know it is a trick of the enemy. So I am just going to put it in the air.

I have these thoughts of Jesus not being real. In my mind runs the thought of when the end of life comes there will be no Jesus and all of this is for nothing. But as I sat down at my computer something compelled me to go to my online bible site (http://www.bibletools.org/) and the chapter of John (part of the gospels). As many people know the gospels are filled with the miracles Jesus did while He was here on earth.

And as I am reading I am saying to myself, how could my Jesus not be real. No one can ever do such things. Turning water into wine, speaking the truth about someones life and only known them for 3 minutes and healing people. Also as I think of the things that He's done for me. Placing people where they need to be and being my guidance. Jesus is very much real. Another thing that I want to point out is my scripture of the day that is "randomly generated" daily (or given for God): Colossians 2:6-7, As ye therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in Him: rooted and built up in Him and stablished in the faith as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.

I will NOT let these thoughts which I believe aren't my own, pull me away from the sweetest thing no person can ever offer. Jesus is all I really have to make it successfully through this world. So I will stay embedded in that and living for the One and Only Living God. There is none other that can compare to all that He has done in these short four years of my life.

So keep me in your prayers.

God Is Love

My Pastor has been teaching us about love. And the greatest love is to love our neighbor. Yesterday she read a few scriptures from 1 John and something told me to read the whole thing. So this morning I read it and the whole book is about loving our neighbor, keeping commandments, dwelling in God and God dwelling in us, knowing God and God knowing us, being righteous and being of the world. But the main point is loving our neighbor. We can't not love our neighbor and say we love God because "God is love and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God and God in him (1 John 4:16)."

A little before my Pastor started this lesson I was really struggling with this. I wasn't fond of a few people. I didn't disrespect them or shut them out of my life completely. I did put up walls and only listened to them to a certain extent. I prayed for them from time to time for what I didn't like about them and I left it at that. I never made it a big deal.

Then my Pastor started this lesson. It had me thinking. She said to talk it out with the person and I was going to do just that. But I highly doubt people know how I feel because I never made it a big deal. So I told myself that what I thought about these people had to go out the window. What people don't know won't hurt them. So I am working on me to be better with them. I pray for the opening of their eyes and mine also because I don't want God to turn me away over something so petty that I could have fixed. It's easy to love within my circle but it is harder to love outside of that. It's harder to do things for those whom I am not that fond of. So I guess that is my next big challenge: to love my neighbor. Even if they don't show me love, I am going to show them love because God is love.

Thee Most Amazing God..EVER

I have TWO good pieces of news to share!!

First, God is definitely in the miracle working business!! This morning my Pastor was called to pray for all of those who was sick and I was one of them. I had this really bad cough for weeks and I say bad I mean bad. When it first started off it was weak. Then as time progressed it became worse. Once I let out a small cough to clear my throat a series of coughs would follow. As more time progressed I began to lose breath. And just yesterday as I was coughing some pain came into both my sides.

When the call was made I contemplated whether I should go or not. I thought my problem wasn't big enough. After all it was just a cough, nothing serious at all to worry about. But then I just got up and after she prayed I went to sit down and let out a little cough to see if the series would follow. But it didn't. I said "I'll wait a while for some stuff to build." And here I am hours later. I left out a cough, nothing. I make myself cough some more nothing. No cough attacks, no hurt throat NO MORE COUGH!!

Nothing is too small. I wasn't in my full health and God healed me.

Second, I want to start a program in my hometown. So I am entering this contest to win a grant which will help me with finances. It is very similar to what my Youth Pastor does but a few twists and with my own ideas and such. For some reason I told my mother what I wanted to do and that if I am able to start this program it will open many doors for me in the working field once I graduate. Well my older brother's ex girlfriend (I was probably between 7 and 9) happened to see my mother and was talking and asked how we all were doing and my mother mentioned this idea to her. Come to find out the lady is in the area where I would need some help in and gave my mother her contact info.

When my mother told me she gave her her number for me I was like why does she want to talk to me and blah. Then she told me everything that happened. I thanked God. I was so excited. Even though it is just a number it is still a way in and a starting place. I don't even know what to say. I haven't spoke to her in so long. I've been thinking about what to say to start the conversation. Maybe it will just be business, maybe she'll want to know more about me or my brothers. I don't know. But I am just searching for the words. Whether I have something to say or not she will be hearing from me real soon.

God is really amazing. Truly amazing. Thee most amazing.

Stay Grounded, Your Blessing Is Coming

Stay grounded in the Lord. Even when things don't go your way. Maybe it is like that for a reason. Maybe that's the way God designed it. Don't get mad, get glad! Praise Him at all times. Inspiration from last week's service and personal experience. I ask ask ask and ask but it didn't happen how I wanted it to happen. Or when I wanted it to happen. But I know God is good and will deliver it to me as long as my attitude is right. So I am praising Him and writing this blog post to STOMP on the devil's head. No further action is needed.

Thank you God!
All the glory, honor and praise goes to You.

The Three Little Pigs/Christians

Building is the key. Once we build it is not so easy to be destroyed IF we work hard, diligently, consistently and faithfully. Synonymous to the Three Little Pigs. They knew the wolf was coming and in our case we know that trials and tribulations and hard times will occur but we don't prepare for them. One made his house of straw, one made his house of sticks and the third made his house with brick.

The first pig like many, was lazy. The notion of just having "something" put up to protect him from the wolf would be OK. And he was confident in that. So when the wolf came and asked to be let in, the pig challenged him thinking that his house would withstand this trouble. The wolf blew it down and ate the pig. Probably at the last moment the pigs final thoughts were probably "why was I so lazy." And that is many of us at the beginning stages.

The second pig, wasn't as lazy as the first. He took time out and built his house with sticks. He knew it was stronger than straw and was completely sure that his house wouldn't get blown away because it was better. So the wolf comes, tests the second pig like the first and the same thing happened. The pig was eaten. His last thoughts were probably, "why me? I build my house better than my brothers."

The last pig knew that building his house wasn't going to be easy but he had to do it or face the same fate as the first two pigs. So he built a strong house of bricks. So when the wolf came and tested the third pig, he was beyond confident. He was bold and then some. The wolf couldn't get in no matter how much he tried. He climbed to the roof but the little pig saw him and lit a fire in the chimney. As the wolf lowered himself down and felt the fire he was gone and the pig lived happily ever after.

I am striving to be like the third little pig. It is not enough to just put up a wall (a weak one too) and think that that would be enough to fight off the devil. It is not enough to look at our neighbors and "learn" from their mistakes but still fall victim. The third little pig was something. He was so prepared that he in turn played his own little prank on the wolf.

We know the enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy so we have to prepare for the worse and put our faith in God that He will deliver us. In a Christian sense, God will tell us what kind of house we need to build he will help with those sneak attacks. We just have to build relationship to grow in Christ.

Be Transparent For That Brother Or That Sister

A topic that keeps popping up in my head and that was touched on yesterday in Sunday School and during the Word was "transparency." I didn't really learn what transparency was until probably earlier this year when Pastor King came to our church to preach and teach. He'd always say "I want to be transparent for ya'll" and I never really got it until visit after visit. I always say to myself how could one be transparent (I never heard this phrase), and as I kept questioning myself and I got my answer. It was a simple one: he wanted to be our example here on earth. He didn't want us to make the same mistakes that he has made. He wants us to take from his life and apply it to our own. He wanted to be transparent, for us to see through.

In Sunday School we talked about not having to go to a man to confess our sins. We can simply go straight to God through Jesus Christ because Jesus is our advocate, not man. So as the teacher explained that and wrapped that segment up, he ask "Is it ever necessary to confess to someone?" I immediately said no because of the conversation we just had. And then I thought that no one needed to know what I do. All they need to know is that I am trying to get to God. And at an instant transparency popped up into my mind.

If we were more transparent for our brothers and sisters do you think that sin would occur as much as it does? I know everyone sins and we're not perfect but it could be that much easier if more people were bold enough, including myself, to be transparent for that person sitting next to them or that person sitting across the room secretly watching. We all go through it and probably the exact same thing. You don't have to be transparent in the sense of you're telling every single detail but to just let that person know that you are struggling with this and that and it could be a blessing to that person. It could also hold us accountable for our actions.

So my next challenge to my readers is to be transparent for that brother and sister. You'll be surprised at how many relationships grow and sprout.

Patch It Up

Today we talked about temptation. Our foundations class teacher said that temptation is an act of being enticed to do something that is forbidden by the Word of God. Temptation is not the actual sin but it is the birthing ground of sin. Whether we let that temptation come to light or we suppress it, it can tell our true character. It lets us know where we need to be strengthen at and it also shows us what we need to look out for and where to put the patches.

So to go off of that, we as well as myself need to work on being tempted. If we get through out temptations surely a blessing will follow. Blessings are tests to get to the next level. If we can't handle them at a beginner level we sure enough won't be able to handle them once we take new positions and such.

And if we are tempted and we follow through with it to make it a sin, don't be discourage. But also be honest with yourself because God doesn't give us more than we can bear. I know I don't want to be known as a weakling in God's eyes. When He looks at me, I want Him to see a human being who tried beyond her best. A human being that fell, got up and stood tall, and fell again but still got up and stood tall for His glory.

It is not easy at all. But nothing is ever easy and there is a cost to everything whether you see it or not. So lets work on patching up the holes that temptation has been getting through. And ready again to patch up which ever areas become worn out. We have to be ready.

My Protector

Last night my friend I were pulling an all night in one of the academic buildings. It's a pretty big building. Well it was like early morning and everything was so still and so quiet and that creeped me out a lot. I was so scared I asked her to come with me to the bathroom with me which was on one floor down. But she refused and I went alone the first time but prayed all the way down there and all the way back.

A few hours later I had to go again and so I went, heard a noise and came back and begged her to come with me and she finally came. But we went to separate bathrooms and I thought she had left me. So I worshipped and praised because I was still scared. But after a few moments I began to take my time. I washed my hands properly, looked in the mirror, fixed myself. But the whole time she was standing outside the bathroom.

We ran back up the stairs and she said, "Jessy you weren't afraid anymore." And without thinking or hesitation I said, "I was praying," then she laughed and I thought about it and laughed too. It was weird for a split second that I had said it to her because people still are surprised when I tell them about my church experience. But I laughed it off with her.

My God was in that building with me protecting me as I asked for protection.

Take Charge

When people rub you the wrong way do not let it effect you're path in life. As I was reading 2 Samuel this is what happened. Abner who was on the side of Joab turned against him to fight for the reign of David because Joab said something that he didn't like. For this story Abner's decision of joining the other side was a benefit to him because it was the more just side. But all the time we will not be as lucky as Abner.

People turn away from the good things in life because they do not like what someone said to them. What people say or do against you should not make you want to abandon what you have already started. It's a lot of work in that because when you switch you it shows weakness. The other side will know you are vulnerable is certain ways and will devour you off of that alone and the side that you left will simply say you weren't cut out for what laid ahead. So really you'll have no one to turn to.

Keep going forward until you run into a brick wall which will be a lesson learned. One brick wall can symbolize people who are not for you, people who hate you. Just back up a few steps and find another route to go and once you run into another brick wall just repeat the process. But never give up on the road of success. Jesus has your back the whole way.

It's Not Arrogance

You are always supposed to be humble. But there is nothing wrong with giving yourself some gratification. For a while, while practicing humility, I'd always tell myself to be humble and I'd respond with a simple, "it's not me, it's God," if they give me a compliment. When I felt myself trying to be happy in what I accomplished, I'd settle myself down. I never gave myself any credit (not the word I want to use but cannot think of a better word. I hope you get my point).

I deserve to smile and be proud too. I felt that if I were proud that I accomplished something that I am taking away from God and not walking so greatly in this humility walk. As I reflect I definitely feel some-what different now. My understanding goes a little deeper than just decreasing myself. Yes, God receives the glory but He also in turn passes some of that glory back to me. That's where my joy, excitement and happiness comes in at. From that it makes me want to keep moving forward. Kind of like a motivator.

But if I don't experience all of what God has for me, I am cutting my blessing short. It is not arrogant to feel some type of happiness. Humility is a balance. You can't be too humble and develop a low self-esteem nor can you be too arrogant.

Only He Knows You

Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Because once you let them tell you who you are you begin to believe it. You begin to act just like that and that could push you off the path you were destined to be on. In this crazy world everyone will try to tell you how they perceive you and such but what they see is most likely not the actual truth. It is not what's on the inside. We tend to get dolled up for company but on the inside we're screaming to be set free. Only God can tell you who you are because He sees you inside and out. So keep your eyes on God and your ear to His chest.

God Bless

Never Too Late To Turn Back To Start Again

"You can't win if you don't fight," echoes my inner me. Lately, I haven't been living up to what I've elevated to. I know that I am not the same Jessica who started this walk 4 years ago. I know that certain things aren't acceptable but I still do them. Of course I don't want to do it but I've been letting myself go. And that's a trick of the enemy.

Like all, I realized what I was doing and felt ashamed about it because I felt that I let God down. I didn't approach Him as directly as I used to. This kept giving me reason to do it over and over again. And every time the post-feeling was worse and worse. I began to feel numb. Then my inner me whispers something so sweet, "you can't win if you don't fight."

As my Pastor would say (or someone in the church. I know I heard this from somewhere), it's better to lose in a fight than not to fight at all. And that is the wonderful thing about the Holy Spirit. He is like that boxing coach. When you're getting so badly beaten and that few second break comes along, He is there to give you words that will lift you up.

Experience is the best teacher. So I've put back on my boxing gloves and I am ready to fight and determined to win. If not I will keep going back over and over until it is defeated.

The People Stood In Amazement

In Acts, it tells a simple story of a crippled man sitting at the temple gates begging the people who went inside for gifts. First off, it never hurts to ask of someone if they already have. You never know what you'll get. And this was pretty much what had happened to the crippled man. He asked two of Jesus' apostles to give him a gift and they gave him one of the best things he could have received in life. The man was no longer crippled anymore. The man praised God.

And that's what should happen. People should praise Him for the wonderful things that He does on a daily basis. For the man it was something great so of course God got the glory, but would it have been the same if the apostles gave him a plate of food or gold and silver. We'll never know because the Bible is already written. So praise God no matter how big or small things are.

After the apostles straightened out the man everyone was in amazement except for the apostles. Since they knew the power of Jesus and what God had stored in them, this "miracle" that they performed wasn't so much a miracle in their eyes. True it was something that didn't often happen but the apostles knew of the power and this was something small. They weren't in awe like the people in the town. And the instant they got the chance, they began to tell about the people about the Good News. They didn't argue with them about why they didn't know the Lord, they simply told them about Him.

The moral of the story is to do the good works of God so people can be amazed at us and then we can tell them that it was God. They can learn about God through our actions and testimonies. They'll see that only One can do such things.

Practice Humility

I had an experience but I really don't want to put it out there. It wasn't a spiritual encounter but it was and still is a spiritual lesson.

No matter how bad people treat you continue to be humble and meek. Don't let them walk all over you but stay on that path. There are times where I want to move away from that course and just say those little things that run across my mind. But I know those aren't things of God and little things like that can keep me away from something that is soo much more.

Humility is probably one of the worse and most difficult things to task because who likes to be shut down. Just know, in the end, the bad guy never wins.

Encouragement

Everytime I feel stuck, I notice that I go back to what is comfortable. But when I get back to that comfortable place, I tell myself that I should of endured a bit longer and maybe I could of got some results.

Be patient, because you'll never know what could have been until you have been. Hold on, because just when you let go, you're help would have come.

Be patient and confident in the Lord

Romans 12:2

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2)

Bible verse of the day. So totally true. Renew you mind and everything else will fall into place. Man I love my God.

Break Down Or Break Through?

I know I've said it time and time again. I've thought about it time and time again. Let go and let God, let go and let God. I thought once I get this in my mind it will be alright. But it wasn't. Today I just became so fed up because I'd put it in the Lord's hands and I'd still end up in the same place. As I broke down and began to cry to the Lord and pray and speak to my God, this same cliche saying was said to me. I told this voice that I did let go but still look at me. I was still in the same mess. But the voice said to me that I really haven't let go. I let go for the moment but strings are still attached. I think I conquered it but when it appears the next time it beats me down even more.

The voice said, "let go." I want to let go and be worry-free but it won't just happen in a split second. It takes time. It's like sky diving. I know if I were to ever do it, I wouldn't just jump of the plane. I would have to build up enough gut and nerve to do it. The voice said, "let God." But I ask myself do I really want Him to? Honestly, I really don't because all I could think about is then and how it used to be. I know better things will come but I am still stuck in the then.

I have the power and only I can make my own decisions. I have to be willing to really let go to let God do what He has planned for me and to get to a higher place. It's all about growth in Christ and the Word and growth within myself.

Be Confident in the Lord

"Be confident in the Lord," keeps coming up in my mind and pressing on me.

Last week another thing was pressing on me. It wasn't anything bad. I felt I was told to tell something to someone but I didn't :-(. That nagging feeling was there for a few hours then I just went to sleep. I told myself that I would say it but then so many other things on why I shouldn't came to mind. But God didn't stop with me. On Sunday my Pastor preached a wonderful message. As I was listening to it, part of it in essence was what I was supposed to say. Throughout the service I was getting on myself for not saying it but then something in me confirmed that the message did indeed get across.

God uses us but we have to be ready. Feelings and doubt cannot get in the way. So I've personally learned. Be confident in the Lord and do as He says.

Paul's Reminder To Them And To Us

I've been reading and pondering the first four chapters of Ephesians and it pretty much goes with my last entry about exhorting and it also is a reminder to me of why I should stay in the body of Christ and continue to do His good works. Paul told the people in Ephesus that God already had something planned for them. He told them about the Holy Spirit and how to treat one another and how to just grow as people in Christ. All of this in four short chapters. This goes to show Paul was about his business. He broke it down and told them plain and simple. But simplicity is sometimes complex.

We know that God chose us before we chose Him and that we are here to fulfil His Will. But as I pointed out before, it's hard to do the will of someone else, even God. But Paul tells the people that he himself do what he does out of kindness and out of love. And we should do the same for God. We should do His will because we love Him so much.

Paul reminds the people that they were so filthy and consumed with the world but God made a way for them to become clean and pure and righteous again. He tells the people it was God's grace and mercy and most importantly, His love that set them free. A generous gift from God. And for that gift they should do the works that God predestined them to do and to do them in an honorable manner so He can get the glory in the end.

All in all, God is a good God..

Are You Up For The Challege? Exhort!

If you try something and you fail at it, you try again. That goes the same with sin. As I was online reading the bible and different commentaries, the word "exhort" came up. I didn't really know what it meant so I looked it up and the basic definition to my knowledge is like a warning and/or encouragement depending on how you use it (correct me if I am wrong). The bible says that we should exhort one another daily. From the context around that verse (Hebrew 3:13) it was speaking on how one can drift away from the Word of God unknowingly and by exhorting one another and even your self can be a tool used to help you or a friend not drift away and stay in the Word.

So I challenge you and myself to exhort, exhort, exhort. You never know, your exhortation may help a brother or sister not sin and become deeper in Christ. Then that person can exhort the next and so on.Let people know that God cares for them and that even if you do fail just try even harder to succeed the next time. Stay confident.

Take It To Jesus

Don't lean on anyone because they may not be able to support you, just lean on Him. Don't tell secrets because you may wish you hadn't have told, just whisper to Jesus. Don't trust everyone because everyone isn't trustworthy, just trust Jesus.

Take it to Jesus..

I Truly Am His And Only His

Well now I have a single room on campus and I really don't like the dark. But since I was sharing a dorm for the past two years it makes it kind of hard to sleep with a light on. So now I usually leave my laptop for a little night light (hehehe) and play praise and worship music and I listen to it as I drift to sleep.

But this one night I was having this horrible dream. Every scary person that played in scary movies were in my dreams: the Boogeyman, Candyman, Jason, Freddy Kruger etc. I don't remember what they were saying but all I remember is they were trying get me be on their side. But every time I refused they would go away and another would come. And the really weird part was I felt I had two minds. In my dreaming state I was calm and just thinking about Jesus but I also felt a part of me was awake and that side was in a panic. That must of been the flesh side because I absolutely without a doubt hate scary movies. Then finally I wake up and before I can open my eyes I rebuked the devil, praised God, heard two words from the music on the laptop and closed my eyes and went back to a peaceful sleep.

Dr. Jeffers was teaching how God promises us a sweet sleep and that's exactly what I got, a sweet sleep. Even though I had that crazy dream, God was with me. Maybe God wanted to see who I'd serve I guess. Or maybe He was testing me because I "fearED" the devil because of his outward appearance. God was probably showing me that there is really nothing to be afraid of and that the devil is all talk. That's what he did in the dream, talked. Only God holds the key to my life, only God can influence me, only God can curse or bless me. So why be afraid of the devil? He ain't nobody!

(I had this dream a week ago and for this past week, I was debating if I wanted to share it or not. I was afraid because I didn't want people to think I was crazy or that I am in the hands of Satan. But over the weekend I felt God pressing me to write this. He told me, not to worry what people think. Why should He do such great works for me and I not talk about them? So hear I am writing about the wonderful things that God puts me through. I truly am blessed. Pray for me!

He Went Away And Then He Prayed..

Sometimes it's good to go off on your own to work on you. Jesus often went out to a place of solitude. He didn't just separate Himself and just sit there, He prayed. Prayer is one of the ways many people use to communicate with God. As I look at each instance of Jesus going off to be alone, first something huge happens prior and then immediately after He prayed.

Jesus' choices made Him perfect. Before choosing his disciples, He went into the mountains to pray. The next day Jesus came down and picked twelve. He heard of the sad news of John the Baptist, He went away to a place of solitude and then He prayed. After He fed the 5,000, He parted ways with the disciples for a few and prayed. And before His crucifixion, He again parted ways with the disciples and prayed.

But the Bible never specifies what exactly Jesus prayed about. But if one was to infer taking into account all that Jesus is, He was probably praying for strength, courage and guidance. After all He was here on earth by His Father to set and example for the world to follow after. And since He was sent by the Father, He had to be guided also. He probably wanted to mourn the loss of a friend, express his joys to God about 5,000 people and ask His Father questions. He brought it all to the Highest Power. Jesus probably didn't want to pray in front of the disciples because He wanted to fall apart. How would the disciples feel if the One who is supposed to be leading them looks a mess? Would they completely understand that everyone can't be strong all the time? So Jesus went alone into prayer.

So praying in a place where no one can see or hear you will probably help and most importantly improve your relationship with God, so you can be like Jesus.

I Can Hear You Loud And Clear, I'm Coming!

As I was muttering to the Lord for help and guidance on being tempted and how to free myself, some words ran across my mind. They said, "you have the power in you, but you are scared to let it shine." And those words are very true. I want to live a God-led life where he directs my evry move but from down here it seems so scary. It's like I am holding myself back purposely because I know once I'm taken to another level more responsibility and accountability of my actions are required. It's a psychological thing. I know once I get to that higher place everything will be alright.

So now all I have to do is allow myself to grow, step up and trust Him with everything I have.

Summer Experience

I've been in school for almost a month. Things have calmed down just a bit. I reflect over the summer and it was something else. I had a full schedule everyday. If I wasn't at one place, I was at another. But the one thing that stuck out to me and that I still ponder on is the Step Team that I was apart. It was so much work. Dealing with people is a tough job and I applaud every person that has to deal with people. As I've blogged before (I think) I was in charge of putting the step team together at church. At first everything was almost perfect. We had a lot of people in the beginning who seemed very dedicated. The first show was a success. Then as the months rolled by things began to fall apart. It wasn't a total wreck but it just didn't come out how I wanted it to or how I expected it to. But the good thing is I've learned many lessons.

Dealing with people is something you have to be equipped for, really. I see it as gift and a curse. I was honored to be doing something for my church and for God but the process of actually getting it done was crazy. I can say I was effected by what happened in this group a lot. At the time I really didn't know how to handle it. So I was stressing. I was so focused on whether the pieces were going to be good enough that it became harder for me to remember steps and make them up and simply do what I had to do. It was just crazy. I couldn't wait until we were done with the last show and God's work should never be like that.

Recently, my youth Pastor asked if we could do a show at the end of October. At first I was a little shaky on it and didn't want to do it. I came up with so many reasons why we shouldn't but there is definitely only one reason why we should, God. Once I thought of that reason things began to get a little brighter. Instead of throwing it all away I am trying to come up with ways to make it better. The first time will probably never be right nor the second. But as long as we progress then I am happy with that.

I am excited for everything to just come together and work out for the better.

Caution: It's Stated Real Clear

Be careful how you treat others. Be careful how you act toward others. Caution. Be careful with others. That's something that's been going through my mind for a few months. As I look around me I see how this person treats that person and vice versa. I see how the treatment differs from someone who is hip to someone who is not hip, someone who is a leader and someone who is not a leader, someone who is someone and someone who is no one and so on. Why is that?

Once you get into the hip crowd, become a leader or someone of importance then it's a different story, for me at least. Things become a little cloudy. Am I trying to be like this person? Is this something I'll do? Simply, is this me? They say being on top is so much better than the bottom. But I don't see it. You can be on the highest mountain and still not see everything as you would have if you were on the bottom. From the top you see ant people, you see buildings that were once big way smaller, it's like a big mirage. But for me, the bottom is the place to be. Not that I am settling for less or that I don't want to set and achieve goals of my own but because it's such a better view. You can see that mural painted on the wall and just the pure beauty of things. You know for sure that it is what it is. No squinting, second-guessing or judgement from others. It's right there. Individualism, Independence, Originality, Uniqueness. At the bottom you take more caution. You know at any moment anything can happen. But as for the top "nothing can really happen," until it actually happens.

It's just how you take it all in really. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I am treated nicely because I hang with this person (top) or I am over looked because I hang with that person (bottom). But if I had to choose sides, I'd rather be overlooked. Again, I am not being pessimistic. I think being overlooked gives you the opportunity to see from all points of view and how things really are. To me, it's a blessing. You just have to know how to handle it.

Just An Observer

It's definitely been a while since I've written. So much has been coming my way I haven't really sorted it out. That alone is a problem. I've been trying to think for myself and fix this because I felt that it was my mess to clean and not God's. But everything is His, both good and bad. So after going through this little war in my mind with myself, I am finally putting it in His hands. I am taking things word by word and day by day. I can't expect people to say what I want them to say and I can't expect my days to go as planned or even try to make my life come out the way that I want it too. As I've written before, it's time to surrender my will and take on God's will. That's a tough thing.

When I first started this blog I said it was basically to help me get my ideas and thoughts out. I didn't come to that notion on my own. It was God. I know it was God. I am the type of person to just sit there and take it all in as far as what people do and how they treat me and others. I just observed. If I have a problem I observe others to see how they handled it. I wouldn't and still won't go ask for advice. So this blog in a way I believe is to help me not stay an observer but to become more involved. And I am beginning to see this spiritually. I go back to where I am comfortable because I don't ask. But in order for me to push forward and stay there until I am supposed to go to the next level: I NEED to ask questions.

There is much more I can blog on but this is all I could formulate at the moment.

Dentist and God

Since I've been to my new dentist office they've been telling me I need this and that done to my teeth. Just minor things but still a lot. One procedure I did want done was to get my wisdom tooth removed. It's been giving me problems. So I had to go to the hospital for a consultation because I need a special surgery. I had to be there by 6am. The whole morning I was like who goes to the dentist at 6am. When I got there, there were people already there. As the morning began to pass the waiting area kept filling up.

They called me a total of four times. The first time it was to answer a few questions about medical history and blah, the second was to give information such as address and phone numbers, the third was for an x-ray and the fourth was to see the actual dentist. Mind you there were more than 30 people waiting. I said why won't they just call one person at a time and sign them in, get medical history and x-rays and then have the patients wait to be seen by the dentist. People also felt the same way because I would hear some moan and groan. People left to put more quarters in the meter, to eat and some even went to sleep. A few even missed their number.

This made me think about God and how he deals with us. He calls us plenty of times. But we are too occupied with other things or sleeping. Then He has to come back around to get us together again to do what He wants us to do. It takes more than one shot to do someting. It was their process that we had to go through so we have to abide by their rules. So with God, it's His world, so we have to do what He wants us to do.

Confused

I tried to write but nothing is coming to mind. Maybe some things shouldn't be on my mind. Like his problem or her problem. It's throwing me all off of track. Instead of worrying aboout my situation, there are a lot more others to worry about. A lot of things I may have to let go but I just don't have the heart to. They always say be like Christ, forgive blah blah blah. But when I try to be, I am told this and that is wrong. I don't want to seem rebellious but how can I follow advice on what I don't understand. The Bible says not to lean on my own understanding but I can't lean on others' understanding of the Bible either. It just seems so wrong which ever way. I don't know.

Surrender

Pastor talked about surrendering our will to do God's will. Even though we know that his will is the best thing to do, why does it seem so hard? Everything seems so right and innocent and OK but it's not. It's tough to give up what I want and just do what God says without going in a circle. It sounds nice to surrender to God's will, but the whole process is just crazy. That's my struggle right now. But I am getting a grasp on things.

While I was listening to my ipod I heard a song (I don't know the artist or song right now) and it was talking about the journey being hard and certain people will have to go and Christians are special people. It actually gave me courage to actually face this struggle. Then I hear that we should separate ourselves from the world and what not. I hear the message and it's sinking in bit by it. I have to put my mind into gear to do what God says to do. I have to take action. Because once God takes over I know things will definitely start to change, more people will leave and this battle will not become any easier.

Pray for me!!

Friendship

Today in our monthly meeting for the women of the church, we discussed friendship. Everyone was talking about how they felt a friendship should be managed and the different rights each person has and such. But to me a friendship is a title I give to people (almost everyone) but as mentioned in the meaning, each friendship is valued differently.

The more I value that friendship the more I'd do for that person and the more I'd give my all to that person. I don't slave away and try to make that person feel like king/queen or base my doings around them. I just be me and they'll be them and we just accept each other. I talked about a friendship that I have that I would never want to trade. We grew up together but when we were younger we would never really talk. But as we grew older we just grew together. I also have friends that I've gotten close to in high school. I say what keeps these friendships going (also mentioned in the meeting) are being able to speak to each other, communication, dedication and things along those lines. Nothing they say can hurt me because I trust them that much. So in my mind they are there to help me be the best me.

None of the previous friendships I wrote about are saved. But I am trying to build that relationship with sisters from my church. So when things are planned I make sure I am there so we can build that bond because that will definitely help my spiritual life. Just as my friends that are not saved tell me that a certain thing is wrong or not worth doing, the same can go for my spiritual sisters. Well that's what I want. I also want to build that type of relationship with the one that matters the most, God. I want the type of relationship where I don't have to question myself anymore. I just want to be able to trust with no doubts. But a relationship takes time. So in time I will have it all.

Flattering Observation

Lately I've been around the church a lot due to me leading the our church's step team. It's coming together bit by bit, but in the midst of all of that, I've been able to be around people I am not normally around. So since we're around each other more and more someone gave me a compliment on how I present and handle myself. I know I observe people but I never thought anyone would observe me.

The funny thing is, we were both observing each other. I think that this person is one of the coolest, most down to earth person there is in my church. I admire this persons struggle and I try to use some things that this person testifies to us about in my own life. This person rarely speaks until asked and when that time comes, it's like I feel every word that is spoken as wisdom flows from the tongue (mind you we've only gotten deep in lecture type situations). True sincerity. I love being in this persons presence. This person is just amazing and to see that this person thinks I am a good person and thinks good things about me lights up my day.

Thoughts of Doubts/Endurance

I feel so heavy. I don't feel that I am living up to what I am supposed to be living up to. The extra mile is so long and weary. The goal seems so far away. The closer I get the further it seems I have to go. As much as I gain is as much as I lose. It seems like my best isn't the best for my God and Jesus. It feels like I am on one minute and off the other. Or maybe I am just doubting myself.

What I am supposed to live up to, I've already passed. The extra mile I went, I am starting to feel it because that particular race is over. The goal is sa far because it's way way behind me. I am actually getting closer because I have to go through many obtacles to get to Jesus and I am getting by these individual obtacles slowly but surely. I am winning battles but the overall war is not over yet. There is always room to improve to be the best for God because he is perfect and I am not. I am only human. I am off because I am walking on new ground. Once I conquer this it will become too easy and then God will place me in another rocky situation.

Everything is a process and livng for Christ is not an easy task. It's definitely beating me down. But I will not stay down. I will endure for my God.

More Church!!

Break has officially began. I am excited to see what this summer will be made of. I want to do so much and so far it's working. The church step team is going great. We are on our fourth practice and they are getting better. The first practice I didn't know what I was going to do because I it didn't go the way I had expected. People were learning slow and I thought that we weren't going to pull it together by the time our first performance came around. But I just hoped in God and prayed that he'll take over the practices. And I believe he has truley done that. Things are looking great.

I've also been asked to teach the younger Sunday School class again. I thought about it but I felt I wasn't ready. I thought to myself that I should just refuse because I have a lot more learning to do myself. Today when we had the Sunday School meeting that same thought came to my mind. But something dropped in my Spirit. It basically said that it is true that I have a lot of learning to do but I could in turn learn a lot more as I teach the younger kids which is true. I won't be a permenent teacher but as I study the lessons to teach if I am called, I will be taking in knowledge and then spitting it back out to the younger kids. So after my Spirit spoke to me I was comforted.

With these responsibilities in the church I pray that they draw me closer to God along with my ambitions to be great in Christ. Pray for me!

Sorry: Late on the Posts

Sorry I haven't been posting lately. Last week I finished all of my finals and I am exhausted. But I will start to post regularly really soon.

Day Five: Seeing Life From God's View

Point to Ponder: Life is a test and a trust.

Question to Ponder: What has happened to me recently that I now realize is a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

Recently, I've noticed few things that were test from God. The first thing is, people from the past seem to try and make their selves part of my present and future. I've already walked that road and there were good times and bad times. The simple fact is, no matter how many good times there were, they weren't meant to be apart of my future. People come and people go. Some may be there just for a moments lessons and others may be there years. But the fact is "they gotta go!"

The second test is like two in one. Lately a lot of people have been asking me to go to this party or to that party. I just say, "no thanks." Some would follow up and ask, "why not, it's going to be fun." Then I say "I go to church." Then the really bold one said, "well church girls go to parties." I said "hmmm, no me." And that was the end of the conversation. Another person asked and the conversation went like the last one I describe but instead this person said, "God doesn't want you to be bored, he wants you to have fun," and so on and so forth. I laughed because I thought about the topic I talked about at Youth Service and told Him how living for God really is. The eventually backed down because they was just going in circles and repeating things over and over while I was bringing up different points. So I believe that God is putting what I say to in practice. Am I really being true to my word? The second thing in this test is seeing if I could resist the temptation. I wasn't tempted because parties are something of the past to me. But He probably wanted to make a point that I can only be tempted if I let myself be tempted.

The last thing that was a test was my priorities. Besides church I have other things that fill up my daily agenda. Recently, I've turned down our main step show that we organize as a team and host, a step show we step in annually so it's like tradition and a step show that was apart of my schools Dance Company. Despite every one nagging me about coming to the shows instead of church, I stood my ground. There were times I did feel bad and was going to give in and just step but going to church was something I seen as more important.

The greatest matters God has entrusted to me is my life. In my life many things will occur. With my life I can do so much to help someone else's life. God is trusting me to teach his words. Not behind a pulpit or anything but to the people around me. My small life that he has given could be something so great.

Day Four: Make It Last Forever

Point to Ponder: There is more to life than just here and now.

Question to Consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and one thing I should start doing?

One thing I should stop doing is doubting myself or thinking that what I come up with is not a good idea. I am not saying all the time, but sometimes when I do get the courage to present my idea to someone they encourage me to do it. So I think when I stop doubting myself then I could grow even bigger in Christ (yes I am so determined to get to Him :-]). It's hard because that's how I was since I was little. I don't do something and miss the opportunity. So I think that my breaking point is coming soon or when God's will says so.

One thing I should start doing (going off of what I said above) is putting myself out there more and being consistent in the Word. I read my Bible most days but some days I skip out. Not because I don't want to read the Good News but because I am "too busy." So I should start doing that because I can probably shake some stuff loose by reading the handbook to this simple life. This is something I am going to start to work on though. Like making a schedule or waking up early enough to do just that.

Day Three: What Drives Your Life?

Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.



Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

I think my mom would say the driving force of my life is church, school and friends. She'd say church because I am always there when I come home on the weekends or I'd come back come back just to be in church. Also every time I go somewhere it's with the church. So she always say "what ya'll be doing at that church?, you're always there!" So I think church is something she sees in me. I also like going to school. Every time she says she is going to send me to a school I feel I shouldn't be at I go crazy. I think she just likes to see my reaction. But when I do something well in school I tell her and I always tell her about what my school has to offer and such. I always talk about that. And lastly, she'd say my friends because she thinks I bend over backwards for them. When I don't. I just like to be nice to them and treat them with a lot of love.

My friends would probably say the driving force of my life is school for the same reasons I stated above. I like school at certain points in time. They may even say church too because I always tell them about it or relate whatever it is that we are doing to church.

I want the driving force of my life to be God and the things of God. As I go from service to service there are all kinds of people who give testimonies about God working in their life and they are blessed. I want to be just like that. I want to stand up in front of people and talk about the good things God has done in my life. With God all things are possible. So it's like every thing in one. I can have God and underneath that umbrella a whole bunch of things will fall in place whether it's having peace or happiness. If I have God then I'll have peace and happiness and not have to choose. So I want to keep living for God no matter how bad the course.

Day Two: You Are Not An Accident

Point to Ponder: I am not an accident.

Question to Consider: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

Part of my personality that I am struggling to accept is my shyness. People may not think I am shy but I really am. I try to hide it all the time. If you ever see a big grin on my face then that side is coming out. Sometimes I force myself to say things to suppress the shyness. I want to be able to just get up in front of people and say things without shaking and my voice going in and out. Other than that I like my personality. I like to please those around me (to a certain extent). If I know it will make someone smile then I am willing to do it. Another part of my personality that I am struggling with is second guessing myself. When I second guess myself in the end I wish I would have did what I second guessed. So I feel I lack the confidence that I should have. Again, sometimes I just have to push/force myself to just do it.

Part of my background that I am struggling to accept is my family. I seem so much different from them. It's like I am the one who sticks out and is different. But who am I to say, they may feel the same way. But I don't think I get the full support I need from the beginning. I have to just go ahead and do it and when something good comes from it is when the support comes in. I tell myself that where I started doesn't matter but where I end up. I try not to let that get to me but once in a while it does.

I love my physical appearance. Once in a while I don't like my stomach but it's because I like to eat. So my tummy is something I did to myself (lol), so I can't complain. I accept everything else. I love it.

But thinking of the point to ponder I guess it's all for a reason. It doesn't make complete sense to me now but it will. What's going through my mind is where I came from will probably help someone else get through.

Selfishness

People are really selfish. I've seen it through out my life. I can be guilty for being selfish too. Sometimes it's something that just happens without knowing. It goes deeper than you. It goes deeper than me. It goes deeper than me and you. It goes as deep as me, you and every body else. Now that's deep. Deeper than what we imagined. But people don't realize it because of selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding. You don't want to be wrong because you have to be right. You don't make mistakes because you've stepped over something like this before. You, you, you. But what about me? Is that selfish? To ask about me when I am talking about you? What about me? Now I have to work a little harder and feel a piece of me lose a little life. Keeping up with your selfishness is burden on my back. But of course you don't feel it because you're not me. You just think I am tired from everything else around me when in reality I am tired of you.

He Definitely Comes Through

I applied for a summer grant for the summer of 2009 which is for students who are taking on an unpaid internship. The deadline was April 3 and after submitting the proposal for the grant I prayed and asked God to award me this grant. Even though it's not millions of dollars I still had many plans for it. But I had to keep in my head that I couldn't ask God for something and He not get any glory from it. So I decided to go to South Africa with my church in December with the money and use the other half for school.

Well after submitting application all the applicants received an email back stating that everyone will know whether they were awarded the grant or not by the weekend of April 24. When the 24th came I kept checking my email over and over and like 50 times a day. The 26 came and still I got no email response. As I was sitting in my french class something told me to check my mailbox. So I went and checked my mailbox. Mind you I don't receive much mail. When I opened it there was a white paper about exams week, a lime green paper on dorm key returns and a (school name goes here) envelope with my name and mailbox number. I thought it was for a class or a dinner that I was invited to. But once I opened it, it was a letter for the grant I applied for. I was awarded the summer grant! I thanked God.

I was awarded this grant from God because if I wasn't I wouldn't of been able to work in His house like I would have wanted to. This summer I believe is my time to work in His house. My Pastor wants me to coordinate a step team and that's a lot of hard work and takes a lot of time. I also want to do a few days a week at the church camp (if they have it this summer), go to Bible Study consistently, fellowship with my church family and go to South Africa. I cannot do all that plus work a regular job. So at least I am starting off with something. I still have to work at my regular job of course, but not as hard as I would have.

Thank God!!

Day One: It All Starts With God

I am starting to read Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life:What On Earth Am I Here For?" This book will hopefully help me figure out my purpose in God. If not it's a good book to keep me focused on God. I will post the questions regularly and title them "Day (day goes here):(title of chapter goes here). If they aren't titled like that then it's just my normal posts. Hope you guys enjoy my journey, I sure enough will. (can't wait until I reach day forty!)

Point to Ponder: It's not about me.

Question in Consideration: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

I can remind myself that lfe is about living for God and not myself because I'm told over and over again that we were created for Him. So if I were created for Him I have to do what I do for Him. I have to please Him. Through God is how I go on living, through God I am able to go to this expensive school, through God almost everythng makes sense. I constantly remind myself that I live for God by surrounding myself by the things of God. When I do that I see more and more that He is God because only God can perform in such a way. When I encounter things that say "do it for you, do what makes you happy," I think "will God be pleased?" So all in all I put Him in the midst of everything whether it's eating a piece of candy or a big plate of food.

Different Lights to a Different Setting

I was talking to a friend and I told her how I felt about her spiritually and such. I went on to talk about how I felt about our mutual friends and how everyone was special. I told her that we all have attributions of God and that we each possess something that is so unique from the next. And since each person differs we see certain situations differently which is not a bad thing. We all shine! In my walk right now I (carefully) look to these peers of mine to push myself further and to learn more about God. We are all different lights to a different setting. We are all intertwined and lean to each other for understanding. So if one is dim then that affects the whole group. We have to keep each other in check because if we lose one, we risk losing all.

I feel that being the age that we are and deeply dedicated to God that we are rare individuals. And usually when something is rare it gets abused and is taken away from what it was really supposed to be for. Diamonds weren't made to be worn on fingers. It is our responsibility to keep each other grounded and hungry for the Lord.

Faithful Is Our God

Love, love looove this song.

Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all
Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all

Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all
Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
I'm reaing the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me

Just the Beginning

God is so good. When He wants you to know or to do something He will let it be known. Lately I've been feeling that I am too comfortable just sitting in the pew at church. I feel that I've learned all that I can get by just coming to church on Sunday's. Then I started attending the services that didn't fall on a Sunday and going to events that I normally would pass over. Now that's still not enough for me. I feel that I need more. I want to be immersed by everything pertaining to God. And I think these feelings are getting some attention from God.

I know as well as God that I need to take it up a step because doing the things that I do is easy for me. I don't have to think about if I'll make it to service or not. I heard that once you become too comfortable in church (and I am extending that to my natural life also) then it will become easier for you to deviate and I don't need to go through that again. So I felt that I should step out in church more and become involved. Then I got an opportunity from God to each my Youth Pastor's (female) Sunday school class that I enjoyed very much. It was the push I needed. Then I just read another blog about being the light for others. It felt like her blog was literally speaking to me and brought up thoughts that I had in mind.

So now what I have to do is act on it and really seek God because I feel and know that all of this has purpose and meaning. It's only the beginning is what I am told :-.)

A Tarnished Name

In step practice today we were fooling around as usual. Someone made a comment toward someone else and they responded by saying, "Jesus talks for me." Everyone was like , "huh," and she repeated herself again. I turned toward her and just stared as she repeated it. On the inside I was actually angry at this statement for the simple fact that she was not the image of Christ (I kept my thoughts to myself but it's my blog and I can write what I want :-p). It bothered me because she does not do the things of Christ. I asked myself how could she say these things if she doesn't set the examples of Christ? How could she tarnish such a wonderful name? If Jesus spoke for her how come I don't see it in her daily actions?

That's probably why it's so hard for people to accept Christianity because Jesus' name is not spoken of like it should be. People who do the things of the world claim what is sacred and holy.

Getting Through to Them

Today I got the privilege to teach the youth (teen years) sunday school class. When my Youth Pastor (female) called me in the morning I thought she was just teasing me. So I said okay I'll teach. I was waiting for the line where she said "naw, I'm just messing with you" but that didn't come. I asked her what I should speak on and she talk about your blogs on decisions. So for a short period of time I made up in my mind I'd speak about decisions. But that wasn't enough.

A little while back as I was getting into my studies for some reason I kept reading Galatians over and over again. I asked myself why was I coming back to the same book but I guess this was the purpose. But since this was a month or so ago I had to brush up on it. I had my notes all set before the start of sunday school. I was really nervous even though I spent a couple years with them. It was different now that I was teaching. I started to stumbled across my words and repeat sentences. My Spirit told me to calm down and to just speak and I did.

The lesson ended up ending before time was up and I asked the teens if they had anything else to say. I told them it was OK to ask questions and I told them how I felt when I was asked to ask a question. By the end of the sunday school were discussing "how to stay Holy." I believe that they need these type of talks because they are at the age where they want to do things of the world and of course want to live for God but in the midst of that, things become complicated. So I want to be someone they look up to as an example. I don't want to see none of them back slide as I did. I know it will be a difficult task but it can be done. They need that intervention and constant reminder of the Lord.

To make things better the Pastor opened up with being hot or cold. And that's what was brought up in our conversation. They said it's hard to stay hot for the Lord when they want to live in the world. Then right after that she talked about faith and that was another thing I suggested to the teens. I kept repeating over and over to them once they have faith everything else will fall in line and the Spirit will just move and guide you. I thank my Holy Spirit for leading me and I pray I get through to them.

His Presence

I feel that my faith is becoming greater in God. No, I did not lose faith or was of little faith but it doesn't hurt to go higher. When you're stuck in one spot for a long time, it starts to get boring. So I am just taking it step by step and going higher.

The point of this blog is to tell you that my God is real and He proved it to me once again. I was in a lot of physical pain last night. I couldn't even sleep through it or focus on anything for too long. I started thinking about God. But my mind started to drift. Then I started up my prayer again. I asked for the pain to go away. Little by little the pain eased and I really felt the presence of God on me, for myself. Usually when I am in church the speaker says "God is in this place, give Him some praise." But I actually felt it for myself.

Once I felt His presence I told myself to take advantage. I changed my prayer from my pain to those I've been praying for, for forever. It felt so good! After He left me, I fell asleep giving praise.

My God

Living God. Breathing God. Everything I do, it's for God. So eventually I can be like Him. Holy and Righteous. God, God, God. The more I speak of Him the less chance for me to leave Him. The more I read about Him the more I'll know about His love that He shared. My God. My sweet, powerful, merciful God. Nothing can ever take His place. Not money, not gold, not sneakers, not material things. They all fade away. But He is eternal. My God.

What The Statistics Say & What I Say

Looking back I'd consider myself a very good student. In elementary school I made honor roll on every single report card and had the option to skip a grade. I also was a top performer in my classes. I always answered the questions correctly and was ahead in math and reading. In middle school I didn't make honor roll every report card but I was still a good student. At the end of sixth grade I was placed in honors classes and was apart of the school basketball team. In high school I was in some advanced classes and still my grades were on point. I was active in school and was apart of the cheerleading squad and a dance group for some time, as well as the girls basketball team and little groups here and there. I ended up graduating in the top twenty percent of my class.

By looking at the academics alone, I was considered the best of the best. But in the real world and looking at the bigger picture I am starting to get a different picture. In class since Boston is a major city we always have some type of reference to it when given statistics. Today we were given the stats for graduation rates and such comparing black students to white students. There was a huge gap. Blacks were at about 53% graduating on time while Whites were in the lower 80%. In articles I read that public education was not as good as a private education and blah blah blah.

I've heard it all before. As a public school student I do feel that we aren't given the resources that are needed to obtain the same education as those in private schools but we work with what we have. I feel that I took advantage of what I was given and made the best out of it. That's what we are told, to work with what we have. Now look where I am. I am at a college that is recognized nationally because of my high school teachers and guidance counselors. They were tired of the stereotypes made about public school students and go beyond to help those who are willing to succeed. And I am grateful for that. I am also tired of statistics saying what statistics are saying about how much I can accomplish and such. They don't realize it but it makes it that much easier to give up. But I am going to keep going to keep fighting and moving forward to the difference in my family and for those around me.

And of course thanks to God for the wonderful experiences I've gone through. I feel that I have a better outlook on life than most and values to treasure and to teach those behind me. I say that because people don't realize that they are privileged in America and don't have to go through certain stuggles. Nothing is obvious until you actually go through it and experience it.

Decisions

I was thinking about God and how he made the world and then I began to think of mans role in the world. I thought that God uses us all like barbie dolls and puppets all day every day. Meaning he makes us speak what He wants us to speak and makes us do what He wants us to do. But that doesn't make too much sense to me for the unsaved people. I am realizing that He lets us make our own decision and He will either put His hands on it or He won't.

I believe that because we are given the opportunity to make decisions, it is an area in life where we have our downfalls. Decisions are made from emotions/feelings and I am told over and over again that emotions/feelings can be the death of you in Christ. I am told that we cannot react to every emotion/feeling that we encounter. We just have to look past them and keep going sometimes. But we become so entangled in these emotions/feelings that it's hard for us to make proper judgement even though we mean to do right.

We can choose to do right but what is right to us may not be right to someone else and more importantly may not to be right to God. But as His people, and studiers of the Bible decisions become a bit more easier to make but a lot more repercussions follow these decisions, which means as we become deeper in Christ our decisions don't just effect our self but others around us. Decisions mean life or death, happiness or sadness etc. We have to make responsible choices.

Everything Under the Sun is Meaningless

In Ecclesiastes chapters 1 through 4 Solomon is pondering the meaning of life, and he came to the conclusion that everything under the sun is meaningless. He wasn't pessimistic about the world and saying that one should be lazy. He was saying the complete opposite. What I understand it as is even though everything underneath the sun is meaningless doesn't mean that your time on earth should be meaningless. He speaks on how one should obtain wisdom and not be foolish. Despite both the person of foolishness and the person of wisdom have the same fate of death, each has a different perspective on life. Wisdom sees while foolishness is blind.

Solomon goes on and talks about hard work. He was stuck on the fact that a person can put in so much hard work but when he passes all the hard work that was done will just crumble because the successor of that hard work might not appreciate it as much as he did. Meaningless. So he says to have satisfaction and enjoyment in what you do.

Next he talks about being alone. He finds that completely meaningless. He simply states that two and three are better than one because when the enemy comes to attack the group of two and three have others to lean on while the one only has himself. So he encourages us to come together to be strong.

Life comes and goes and once it's gone who remembers after that. It's meaningless. Everything under the sun is meaningless. My time on earth is meaningful while I am here but when I get my eternal life everything under the sun will become meaningless.

Loss of Words: Stuck on Stupid

I love my blog :-D !! I like to re-read it to keep myself encouraged and to see what's going through my head. What I noticed was, I am not a good word person off paper or blog post or however you want to name it. I am the worse person to ask to do anything that involves a freestyle of words verbally. Usually I'd say some things and then later wish I could add on to it to make it sound so much better or other times I'd have a list of things I want to say and then forget them by the time I come face to face with a person. It's bad.

I hate writing but deep down inside I love it. I'd rather send an email, text or message of any sort that have a conversation with a person. That technically is writing. I try to practice using my whole vocabulary index in my head but it never comes out right. Maybe that's why I hate arguing or speaking aloud. The words...just don't...quite formulate correctly.

Je Trouvais Une Nouvelle Aime

Je trouvais une nouvelle aime is french and it translates to "i found a new love." (j'ai trouve une nouvelle aime also translates the same) I feel this way because I am doing different things and then I end up liking it. I don't have to do what the norm is of my group. I can be different and still be the same Jessica everyone knows. Still certain people can't see me doing certain things like loving the Lord or listening to a certain type of music or even blogging. But I do it and I like it! That's all that counts. I am discovering new things about myself and I love that too. Some people are way older than me and don't know many things about themselves. So finding me is something that I am going to continue to do because it makes me happy.

My High

This past weekend was council and also my step show. About two weeks ago was conference and also my step show. I said "guys, I won't be able to do the show because I have council." They looked at me like I was crazy and puzzled because they didn't know what it was. I said, "I have church, so I can't be in the show." The captain rolled her eyes and said "every time we have a show, you got church." I just shrugged.

The day before the show another senior asked me, "are you ready for the show?" I was like "uuhhh I am not stepping." Her mouth dropped and she repeated the question again. I said "I have to go to church, well I want to go to church." She began to question me "isn't church on Sunday's, why can't you go to church on Sunday?" Bllaahhhhhhhhhhh!

I am to the point where all I want to do is church. It's refreshing to me. Just as people get a high from watching their favorite sports player play or whatever it is that they love, I get a high from going to church. I love to watch the people jump and dance, the musicians play their instruments, the message the Pastor preaches to get souls delivered. I love how most people in the congregation are on fire for the Lord. And most of all I love the Fellowship with my peers. When we come together it's something else. We can play a group game like Taboo and everyone will be satisfied.

No negativity. No drama. Just helping hands.

Honor Thy Father and Mother

If I know something for a fact it is harder for me to do wrong. When my mama asks me to do something and I don't want to do it or says something I don't want to hear, I can feel the attitude getting ready to burst out. Then the fifth commandment pops in my head, "honor thy father and mother." I stop. I think. Not so much about me getting ready to dishonor my mother (i care), but my father.

It was his choice to move so far away and it was his choice to contact us when he pleased, so I got the same mentality. But as this commandment kept popping up in my head I began to reason with myself for a long time. I felt that I would of been the real bad guy if I didn't atleast put one phone call through. I called but, no answer. I called a few days later, still no answer. Finally I get a call back and we talked.

After a few telephone conversations he says "I Love You" with a little skepticism in his voice. I forced the words back out and hung up. I then thought, "why the words were so hard to say?" I thought it was just plain acting in the movies when the kids had bitterness toward the run-away parent.

The Bible tells me to do one thing but I want to do another. But it is not my will and it is not about me, right?

A System of Dominance

I am usually bored in my Economics Race and Racism class. I feel that we talk race and we talk about racism but never race and racism together as one. I know both subjects are intertwined but I just don't see in depth like I think I should. Why would they dedicate a full semester to for only a few points? I don't know, but I am still trying to grasp a more full concept of race and racism in economics. (maybe going to office hours would help..lol)

But today was an interesting class. We actually had a discussion. The professor was clarifying the article that was assigned for that class. The topic was "a system of dominance." As the discussion was going on, the professor and the class would minimally use Black people or White people when giving an explanation or example about racism. The term that was generally used was "group." So my mind began to think of Christians and God. That could be a group.

In the system of dominance, one group would basically try to suppress the other groups culture, teach the inferior group their own ways and segregate their group from the low-not-so-worthy group. This reminded me so much of Satan. He tries to suppress the Christian culture because culture is so important to ones identity. A person's identity makes them, them. And if a person loses the essence of their culture then they're identity is lost and thus they would look for a new one. After Satan gets into your mind and suppresses your identity he then tries to fill that empty space with his identity. Because you think you've found you, there is no turning back and they he really goes for the K.O. He then would segregate you from other Christians because when around other Christians he could lose you again to the Lord.

I am not quite sure why my mind does this to me. Every time something is brought up a story of God follows. Maybe it's to keep me on the right path. Who knows?

Self Motivation

They say that the Devil plays the same tricks over and over again and we as Christians are susceptible to them because of our lack of growth. This particular part of my past isn't too far from me but I have no intentions on letting it catch up and become apart of my life again.

I Pray..

The Enemy sees that his way of life isn't for me any more. Using the people who were once close to me to try and break me. But it's so obvious, your tricks won't fool me..

Because God's hands are upon me..

Practice Makes Perfect

To be good at something one must practice and keep on practicing to keep improving. I know if I want to be good at something I have to practice. But sometimes the practicing isn't what I look forward to. Practice equals dedication to the game, hard work and most importantly perseverance. It's acceptable to be absolutely horrible at something you never had any experience in. But it is unacceptable to know you can't do something and not do anything about it. Practice!

After I read the first chapter in 2 Peter this blog idea came to mind. I cannot become better in Christ if I don't practice. Meaning I have to have knowledge on the teachings of Christ in order to beat the enemy and to live a holy life. I can't get all of this knowledge through Sunday school teachings, Sunday worship and other peoples testimonies. I have to be an active Bible reader and really apply what I learn to my everyday life.

In the middle of the chapter Peter says he plans to constantly remind people of faith about Christ. Not that people of faith are fully forgetful but because he has experienced Christ in such a way that others have not. So a friendly reminder of what Christ has done in his life is a small act that he is willing to do. I see this as a boost in confidence because everyone needs a cheerleader. When some one shares what God has done for them it makes me want to work twice as hard so God can work on me.

As Peter closes out the first chapter he tells the people of faith to pay attention to the scriptures. They aren't written on the pages for nothing. Scriptures obviously make up the Bible and the Bible is our handbook to God. Enough said.

2 Peter 1:5-6
..your faith will producde a life of moral excellence. A life of moral excellence leads to knowing God better. Knowing God leads to self-control. Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness.

2 Peter 1:8
The more you grow like this, the more you will become productive and useful in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

What-If...?

Sometimes I think to myself what would life be like if I wasn't saved. Would I have an easier time saying the things I don't say now? What would my Sunday's look like? Would my attitude be out of control? Would I still be in crazy relationships? Who would I talk to? In general, where would I be in life? What would I be doing with myself? Would I have ups and downs like I do? Would life be easier? How would I feel about God? How would he feel about me?

But the truth of the matter is I can't see myself without God. He's had such an impact on me and I am just realizing it. When I do things He is always in my thoughts (as I mentioned in another blog) and I feel that my decisions are more rational. I can't do the things I used to do. The reason being is not just because God said not to but it lays heavily on both my spiritual side and my natural side. When I was on public transportation this old guy was talking to me. If I were my old self I would of been rude and told him about himself. But since I have some of God in me I thought I could be entertaining an angel. So I just sat there, listened to him and kept on smiling. He complimented my smile and he finally got off of the bus. Then I thought to myself, "he probably wasn't even and angel." I thought that because nothing extraordinary happened. But maybe he was an angel and he was just there for my entertainment and for me to smile. But If he wasn't I did a good job.

God is simply God and nothing could ever take His place. Not unoccupied Sundays, the things a Christian can't do, NOTHING.. What matters now is that I am saved. I have to go through the bad to get to the good. And it will all be worth it in the end.

Day Three: The Gathering

Three days have come and gone. These last three days were phenomenal. During these three days so much has occurred both good and bad. Some things surfaced and now it's time to face it and others things has slide by as the speaker spoke.

At the end of the days events everyone was sharing and caring. It was a good experience because every one was showing so much emotion and showing how the service moved them. It lets you know that you aren't alone and that other people struggle with some of the things that you struggle with. But there is still that obstacle of actually getting it out. And that's what I am trying to overcome.

All in all the conference was great and I wish we could have conference everyday!

Day Two: The Gathering

Another blessing! Today in the conference was the hands on part basically. We had training, ate great food and simply had a good time. When I was in the classes I didn't want them to end. I was at the church today like it was a full time job and I absolutely loved being there. I barely looked at the clock. If I were at work I probably would if looked at the time a million times. But I just love being in the house of the Lord.

But from aside from all of that I really do feel blessed and I feel that this conference was just made for me. I may not be ready to step fully into a leadership role but I will make my way up there.

Day One: The Gathering

Tonight was truly a blessing (for me at least)! Some of what I've been going through and some of what I've been thinking was said tonight plus more. We had three speakers who spoke for approximately one hour each and about four minute breaks in between each. But it didn't even seem that long.

What amazes me still is how we had three speakers who didn't come together at all and all of their stories went hand in hand and just fed off of each each other. The word was on going in the wilderness to go through a process to be what God wants us to be. All of that from three people. God really does do some things that will leave you in awe. I know this makes me believe even more than I did when I walked into the conference.

My highlight of the night was when Reverend King started telling us this "deep" story. When he got to the end of the story, it wasn't deep at all. We all thought he was going to relate it back to God but he didn't. We all just laughed. But that's how hungry we were for the Lord.

Now that I've heard the word I have to do the word!

Galatians: No Turning Back

Galatians 4:8-9

Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God--or rather are known by God--how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?

When I read the above text it made me think of the times I've deviated away from God or when I didn't put my all into God. I look back now and think I was crazy to do so. Everything including eternal life is promised to us if we just live according to God's will and keep His commandments. I had the experience of both saved and the unsaved life and I must honestly say that the saved life has definitely treated me better. Not because that's what's assumed as an outcome of saved life, but because God is really good. When I live right I feel like someone, everything seems to fall in place and the whole nine. But as I've stated before, it isn't easy. As my youth Pastor says (male) "I'd rather live a saved life that's full of struggles than an unsaved life that's full of struggles." (something like that) And I totally agree because at the end of the day I know I have someone to fall back on. I think I deviated away because it was the easier thing to do. Point-Blank.

As I was finishing the book of Galatians the following verse gave me that extra push (i love verses like that). It couldn't of been said better:

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good,for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

It sure does get hard but keep pressing on. The end is really worth it. No use in turning back now that I am this far.