Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Pastor talked about surrendering our will to do God's will. Even though we know that his will is the best thing to do, why does it seem so hard? Everything seems so right and innocent and OK but it's not. It's tough to give up what I want and just do what God says without going in a circle. It sounds nice to surrender to God's will, but the whole process is just crazy. That's my struggle right now. But I am getting a grasp on things.

While I was listening to my ipod I heard a song (I don't know the artist or song right now) and it was talking about the journey being hard and certain people will have to go and Christians are special people. It actually gave me courage to actually face this struggle. Then I hear that we should separate ourselves from the world and what not. I hear the message and it's sinking in bit by it. I have to put my mind into gear to do what God says to do. I have to take action. Because once God takes over I know things will definitely start to change, more people will leave and this battle will not become any easier.

Pray for me!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Today in our monthly meeting for the women of the church, we discussed friendship. Everyone was talking about how they felt a friendship should be managed and the different rights each person has and such. But to me a friendship is a title I give to people (almost everyone) but as mentioned in the meaning, each friendship is valued differently.

The more I value that friendship the more I'd do for that person and the more I'd give my all to that person. I don't slave away and try to make that person feel like king/queen or base my doings around them. I just be me and they'll be them and we just accept each other. I talked about a friendship that I have that I would never want to trade. We grew up together but when we were younger we would never really talk. But as we grew older we just grew together. I also have friends that I've gotten close to in high school. I say what keeps these friendships going (also mentioned in the meeting) are being able to speak to each other, communication, dedication and things along those lines. Nothing they say can hurt me because I trust them that much. So in my mind they are there to help me be the best me.

None of the previous friendships I wrote about are saved. But I am trying to build that relationship with sisters from my church. So when things are planned I make sure I am there so we can build that bond because that will definitely help my spiritual life. Just as my friends that are not saved tell me that a certain thing is wrong or not worth doing, the same can go for my spiritual sisters. Well that's what I want. I also want to build that type of relationship with the one that matters the most, God. I want the type of relationship where I don't have to question myself anymore. I just want to be able to trust with no doubts. But a relationship takes time. So in time I will have it all.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Flattering Observation

Lately I've been around the church a lot due to me leading the our church's step team. It's coming together bit by bit, but in the midst of all of that, I've been able to be around people I am not normally around. So since we're around each other more and more someone gave me a compliment on how I present and handle myself. I know I observe people but I never thought anyone would observe me.

The funny thing is, we were both observing each other. I think that this person is one of the coolest, most down to earth person there is in my church. I admire this persons struggle and I try to use some things that this person testifies to us about in my own life. This person rarely speaks until asked and when that time comes, it's like I feel every word that is spoken as wisdom flows from the tongue (mind you we've only gotten deep in lecture type situations). True sincerity. I love being in this persons presence. This person is just amazing and to see that this person thinks I am a good person and thinks good things about me lights up my day.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Thoughts of Doubts/Endurance

I feel so heavy. I don't feel that I am living up to what I am supposed to be living up to. The extra mile is so long and weary. The goal seems so far away. The closer I get the further it seems I have to go. As much as I gain is as much as I lose. It seems like my best isn't the best for my God and Jesus. It feels like I am on one minute and off the other. Or maybe I am just doubting myself.

What I am supposed to live up to, I've already passed. The extra mile I went, I am starting to feel it because that particular race is over. The goal is sa far because it's way way behind me. I am actually getting closer because I have to go through many obtacles to get to Jesus and I am getting by these individual obtacles slowly but surely. I am winning battles but the overall war is not over yet. There is always room to improve to be the best for God because he is perfect and I am not. I am only human. I am off because I am walking on new ground. Once I conquer this it will become too easy and then God will place me in another rocky situation.

Everything is a process and livng for Christ is not an easy task. It's definitely beating me down. But I will not stay down. I will endure for my God.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

More Church!!

Break has officially began. I am excited to see what this summer will be made of. I want to do so much and so far it's working. The church step team is going great. We are on our fourth practice and they are getting better. The first practice I didn't know what I was going to do because I it didn't go the way I had expected. People were learning slow and I thought that we weren't going to pull it together by the time our first performance came around. But I just hoped in God and prayed that he'll take over the practices. And I believe he has truley done that. Things are looking great.

I've also been asked to teach the younger Sunday School class again. I thought about it but I felt I wasn't ready. I thought to myself that I should just refuse because I have a lot more learning to do myself. Today when we had the Sunday School meeting that same thought came to my mind. But something dropped in my Spirit. It basically said that it is true that I have a lot of learning to do but I could in turn learn a lot more as I teach the younger kids which is true. I won't be a permenent teacher but as I study the lessons to teach if I am called, I will be taking in knowledge and then spitting it back out to the younger kids. So after my Spirit spoke to me I was comforted.

With these responsibilities in the church I pray that they draw me closer to God along with my ambitions to be great in Christ. Pray for me!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Sorry: Late on the Posts

Sorry I haven't been posting lately. Last week I finished all of my finals and I am exhausted. But I will start to post regularly really soon.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Day Five: Seeing Life From God's View

Point to Ponder: Life is a test and a trust.

Question to Ponder: What has happened to me recently that I now realize is a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

Recently, I've noticed few things that were test from God. The first thing is, people from the past seem to try and make their selves part of my present and future. I've already walked that road and there were good times and bad times. The simple fact is, no matter how many good times there were, they weren't meant to be apart of my future. People come and people go. Some may be there just for a moments lessons and others may be there years. But the fact is "they gotta go!"

The second test is like two in one. Lately a lot of people have been asking me to go to this party or to that party. I just say, "no thanks." Some would follow up and ask, "why not, it's going to be fun." Then I say "I go to church." Then the really bold one said, "well church girls go to parties." I said "hmmm, no me." And that was the end of the conversation. Another person asked and the conversation went like the last one I describe but instead this person said, "God doesn't want you to be bored, he wants you to have fun," and so on and so forth. I laughed because I thought about the topic I talked about at Youth Service and told Him how living for God really is. The eventually backed down because they was just going in circles and repeating things over and over while I was bringing up different points. So I believe that God is putting what I say to in practice. Am I really being true to my word? The second thing in this test is seeing if I could resist the temptation. I wasn't tempted because parties are something of the past to me. But He probably wanted to make a point that I can only be tempted if I let myself be tempted.

The last thing that was a test was my priorities. Besides church I have other things that fill up my daily agenda. Recently, I've turned down our main step show that we organize as a team and host, a step show we step in annually so it's like tradition and a step show that was apart of my schools Dance Company. Despite every one nagging me about coming to the shows instead of church, I stood my ground. There were times I did feel bad and was going to give in and just step but going to church was something I seen as more important.

The greatest matters God has entrusted to me is my life. In my life many things will occur. With my life I can do so much to help someone else's life. God is trusting me to teach his words. Not behind a pulpit or anything but to the people around me. My small life that he has given could be something so great.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Day Four: Make It Last Forever

Point to Ponder: There is more to life than just here and now.

Question to Consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and one thing I should start doing?

One thing I should stop doing is doubting myself or thinking that what I come up with is not a good idea. I am not saying all the time, but sometimes when I do get the courage to present my idea to someone they encourage me to do it. So I think when I stop doubting myself then I could grow even bigger in Christ (yes I am so determined to get to Him :-]). It's hard because that's how I was since I was little. I don't do something and miss the opportunity. So I think that my breaking point is coming soon or when God's will says so.

One thing I should start doing (going off of what I said above) is putting myself out there more and being consistent in the Word. I read my Bible most days but some days I skip out. Not because I don't want to read the Good News but because I am "too busy." So I should start doing that because I can probably shake some stuff loose by reading the handbook to this simple life. This is something I am going to start to work on though. Like making a schedule or waking up early enough to do just that.