Monday, March 30, 2009

A System of Dominance

I am usually bored in my Economics Race and Racism class. I feel that we talk race and we talk about racism but never race and racism together as one. I know both subjects are intertwined but I just don't see in depth like I think I should. Why would they dedicate a full semester to for only a few points? I don't know, but I am still trying to grasp a more full concept of race and racism in economics. (maybe going to office hours would

But today was an interesting class. We actually had a discussion. The professor was clarifying the article that was assigned for that class. The topic was "a system of dominance." As the discussion was going on, the professor and the class would minimally use Black people or White people when giving an explanation or example about racism. The term that was generally used was "group." So my mind began to think of Christians and God. That could be a group.

In the system of dominance, one group would basically try to suppress the other groups culture, teach the inferior group their own ways and segregate their group from the low-not-so-worthy group. This reminded me so much of Satan. He tries to suppress the Christian culture because culture is so important to ones identity. A person's identity makes them, them. And if a person loses the essence of their culture then they're identity is lost and thus they would look for a new one. After Satan gets into your mind and suppresses your identity he then tries to fill that empty space with his identity. Because you think you've found you, there is no turning back and they he really goes for the K.O. He then would segregate you from other Christians because when around other Christians he could lose you again to the Lord.

I am not quite sure why my mind does this to me. Every time something is brought up a story of God follows. Maybe it's to keep me on the right path. Who knows?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Self Motivation

They say that the Devil plays the same tricks over and over again and we as Christians are susceptible to them because of our lack of growth. This particular part of my past isn't too far from me but I have no intentions on letting it catch up and become apart of my life again.

I Pray..

The Enemy sees that his way of life isn't for me any more. Using the people who were once close to me to try and break me. But it's so obvious, your tricks won't fool me..

Because God's hands are upon me..

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Practice Makes Perfect

To be good at something one must practice and keep on practicing to keep improving. I know if I want to be good at something I have to practice. But sometimes the practicing isn't what I look forward to. Practice equals dedication to the game, hard work and most importantly perseverance. It's acceptable to be absolutely horrible at something you never had any experience in. But it is unacceptable to know you can't do something and not do anything about it. Practice!

After I read the first chapter in 2 Peter this blog idea came to mind. I cannot become better in Christ if I don't practice. Meaning I have to have knowledge on the teachings of Christ in order to beat the enemy and to live a holy life. I can't get all of this knowledge through Sunday school teachings, Sunday worship and other peoples testimonies. I have to be an active Bible reader and really apply what I learn to my everyday life.

In the middle of the chapter Peter says he plans to constantly remind people of faith about Christ. Not that people of faith are fully forgetful but because he has experienced Christ in such a way that others have not. So a friendly reminder of what Christ has done in his life is a small act that he is willing to do. I see this as a boost in confidence because everyone needs a cheerleader. When some one shares what God has done for them it makes me want to work twice as hard so God can work on me.

As Peter closes out the first chapter he tells the people of faith to pay attention to the scriptures. They aren't written on the pages for nothing. Scriptures obviously make up the Bible and the Bible is our handbook to God. Enough said.

2 Peter 1:5-6
..your faith will producde a life of moral excellence. A life of moral excellence leads to knowing God better. Knowing God leads to self-control. Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness.

2 Peter 1:8
The more you grow like this, the more you will become productive and useful in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Monday, March 23, 2009


Sometimes I think to myself what would life be like if I wasn't saved. Would I have an easier time saying the things I don't say now? What would my Sunday's look like? Would my attitude be out of control? Would I still be in crazy relationships? Who would I talk to? In general, where would I be in life? What would I be doing with myself? Would I have ups and downs like I do? Would life be easier? How would I feel about God? How would he feel about me?

But the truth of the matter is I can't see myself without God. He's had such an impact on me and I am just realizing it. When I do things He is always in my thoughts (as I mentioned in another blog) and I feel that my decisions are more rational. I can't do the things I used to do. The reason being is not just because God said not to but it lays heavily on both my spiritual side and my natural side. When I was on public transportation this old guy was talking to me. If I were my old self I would of been rude and told him about himself. But since I have some of God in me I thought I could be entertaining an angel. So I just sat there, listened to him and kept on smiling. He complimented my smile and he finally got off of the bus. Then I thought to myself, "he probably wasn't even and angel." I thought that because nothing extraordinary happened. But maybe he was an angel and he was just there for my entertainment and for me to smile. But If he wasn't I did a good job.

God is simply God and nothing could ever take His place. Not unoccupied Sundays, the things a Christian can't do, NOTHING.. What matters now is that I am saved. I have to go through the bad to get to the good. And it will all be worth it in the end.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Day Three: The Gathering

Three days have come and gone. These last three days were phenomenal. During these three days so much has occurred both good and bad. Some things surfaced and now it's time to face it and others things has slide by as the speaker spoke.

At the end of the days events everyone was sharing and caring. It was a good experience because every one was showing so much emotion and showing how the service moved them. It lets you know that you aren't alone and that other people struggle with some of the things that you struggle with. But there is still that obstacle of actually getting it out. And that's what I am trying to overcome.

All in all the conference was great and I wish we could have conference everyday!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Day Two: The Gathering

Another blessing! Today in the conference was the hands on part basically. We had training, ate great food and simply had a good time. When I was in the classes I didn't want them to end. I was at the church today like it was a full time job and I absolutely loved being there. I barely looked at the clock. If I were at work I probably would if looked at the time a million times. But I just love being in the house of the Lord.

But from aside from all of that I really do feel blessed and I feel that this conference was just made for me. I may not be ready to step fully into a leadership role but I will make my way up there.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Day One: The Gathering

Tonight was truly a blessing (for me at least)! Some of what I've been going through and some of what I've been thinking was said tonight plus more. We had three speakers who spoke for approximately one hour each and about four minute breaks in between each. But it didn't even seem that long.

What amazes me still is how we had three speakers who didn't come together at all and all of their stories went hand in hand and just fed off of each each other. The word was on going in the wilderness to go through a process to be what God wants us to be. All of that from three people. God really does do some things that will leave you in awe. I know this makes me believe even more than I did when I walked into the conference.

My highlight of the night was when Reverend King started telling us this "deep" story. When he got to the end of the story, it wasn't deep at all. We all thought he was going to relate it back to God but he didn't. We all just laughed. But that's how hungry we were for the Lord.

Now that I've heard the word I have to do the word!

Galatians: No Turning Back

Galatians 4:8-9

Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God--or rather are known by God--how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?

When I read the above text it made me think of the times I've deviated away from God or when I didn't put my all into God. I look back now and think I was crazy to do so. Everything including eternal life is promised to us if we just live according to God's will and keep His commandments. I had the experience of both saved and the unsaved life and I must honestly say that the saved life has definitely treated me better. Not because that's what's assumed as an outcome of saved life, but because God is really good. When I live right I feel like someone, everything seems to fall in place and the whole nine. But as I've stated before, it isn't easy. As my youth Pastor says (male) "I'd rather live a saved life that's full of struggles than an unsaved life that's full of struggles." (something like that) And I totally agree because at the end of the day I know I have someone to fall back on. I think I deviated away because it was the easier thing to do. Point-Blank.

As I was finishing the book of Galatians the following verse gave me that extra push (i love verses like that). It couldn't of been said better:

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good,for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

It sure does get hard but keep pressing on. The end is really worth it. No use in turning back now that I am this far.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just Thinking About Him

When my thoughts are idle, He seems to find a way in. After I've finished doing this or that, He always tops it off and I can say another lesson learned. I know He is by my side but still I dwell on when will everything work out. When will all my uncertainties become certain and when will I know atleast some of the facts. He's brought me this far and I thank Him for that. I could of been anything else and been every else but I am still here. I never thought love could be like this but He is definitely my love song. I want to spend every unoccupied second with Him. He teaches me everything there is to know. I can read His words over and over again because His words never become weak. The same lesson I could learn 100 different ways and it could stil be unique. He pushes me to go above and beyond thus making me recognize a side of me I never knew. Without Him, where would I be?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Your Will Is Best For Me

I wish I could tell you, just what I want
and you just give it to me just like that
the truth of the matter, it just might hurt me
and You won't let me go out like that
You know my end before my beginning
calculated blessings down to the penny
So I'll cry until you tell me let it go and let it be
'Cause oh Lord, Lord Your Will is what's best for me

Darius Brooks--Your Will

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Better Late than Never, Right?

I knew about a half week before break started that I had to do 4 papers that are due the day I start classes again. But here it is 2 days before the due date that I am struggling to get them done. The papers won't be as good because I don't have the time to make them super good. Tomorrow I have a full plate with church, getting back to school, settling in, preparation for classes the next day and possibly step practice. They say better late than never.

If I apply this story to God then that last statement is completely false. God is good but God also doesn't tolerate things for too long especially if it's something we know is wrong. I can't wait until I am on my death bed to praise him. Because on the death bed I won't be able to praise him like I could now. The praise won't be as good as it could have. I won't have the same energy. So while I am young I will do my best to praise him the best I can. I won't wait until the last minute.

Friday, March 13, 2009


Philippians 4:11-13
"...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and suffer need. I can do al things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Little Bit of This and That

My Christian Walk has changed. Now I am more eager to seek God. Not only does the Bible motivate me to do the things of God with all it's wonderful stories but my church family also motivates me. Most of them has a different characteristic (natural and spiritual) that I so love about them.

There is this one sister that brightens my day. You don't have to say any thing to her and she will just look at you and smile so hard you could barely see her eyes. But don't get it twisted she knows her word. There is another sister who I really like. I haven't known her for very long but she is too sweet and a fighter to me. All the times that I've see her she is always happy except one time. But this is where I see the fight in her. She never lets anything get her down for too long and I like that. My youth Pastors are amazing. They are too funny to watch and listen to. The husband always gets on the wife for her big lips and the wife gets on the husband. But I like them because they want to see me as well as the other youths do good. They show it through their work that they love. And there is this one brother who I look at as my big bro. We've grown closer over the past month or so and he's been nothing but an influence to me. My Pastor above all is a great influence. Just watching her preach and teach every Sunday is a blessing itself. But even when she isn't preaching she is just a lovable person you can't seem to draw yourself away from.

I don't think my church family could be matched any better than it is now. We all go through this walk but everyone comes from different paths. So not every person is the same. I see so much in each of them and it makes me want to reach their level and more. Sometimes I feel I can just sit in their presence or talk to them 24/7 about things of God and not mind it.

So as I keep pushing forward in this Walk I am appreciative towards all of them whether they know it or not. They are my motivators and as long as they keep rooting for me I'll be alright.

Known Consequences

Today I went to my friend's job. We were just hanging around laughing and making jokes. Then I got bored for a second and punched her in the arm. She didn't do anything so I punched her again and again. When I stopped she put pressure somewhere on my neck/ shoulder area. It hurt really bad. I pleaded with her not to do it again and she chilled out. But I hit her again. This time I really pleaded with her to not to do what she did to my neck/shoulder area again because knowing the pain that was to come flashed back in my head. I said to her "God is merciful, He'll forgive, please don't do that again."

This is what we do to God. We do things knowing they are wrong and then we get punished. Then we go ahead and do it again knowing the consequences. Just because our God is merciful and all that good stuff doesn't mean we should take advantage.

Monday, March 9, 2009

You Are What You Eat

Some of the young ladies and I went over one of the older sister's house. We sat around and watched a movie and ate pepperoni and sausage pizza. When we were done she showed us her wedding tape and everybody started commenting on what was going on in her wedding, past weddings, their own weddings etc. Two people coming together in God is such a beautiful thing. She then wanted us to show us a tape of her life before she actually gave her full self over to God. She wasn't ashamed because her life is changed for the better and God brought her so far. She then said "that is why I praise God the way I do because he saved a wreth like me."

When we got to the end of the video she took interest in us. She went around the room asking "so, what are you in to?" She wanted to know if we used to have a past life like hers, if we were dating and the whole nine. I was taken away by the question because no one ever talked to us about that. A typical conversation about that type of stuff wouldn't be taken so seriously, we were told to wait or simply told don't do this because I've done it. As I thought about it, I began to appreciate the converstaion because it was so rare but sincere.

Before we left she prayed and the phrase "you are what you eat" dropped into my spirit. If we feed out spirit the things that are not of God then slowly but surely we will lose the sight of God. Things that occur in our lives won't be as clear as they were. But if we feed our spirit the things of God then life will be more clear and so much easier. We don't always like to eat what's healthy for us but it's a choice. We can eat what's good for us and be able to show off in our two-piece at the beach or we could be stuck in a one piece with a towel on.

I want to look good for the Lord so I'm trying to eat right!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Keep Moving Toward God!

I went to sleep close to 5am and was waken up around 8-ish. I picked up my concordance was led to the topic of "followers" and thus came to the following:

Philippians 3:13-14
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

I, myself have to keep moving toward God. The scripture is saying that it doesn't matter what was done or said in the past. Just to keep moving forward and to finish the race and get the prize. I can't change what already happened but I can change what could happen.


Ninety-Nine and a Half Won't Do!

I just finished my last paper before I could even think of spring break. Not that I am doing anything special. My blog came to my mind =) and so did Rev. Run. At the end of each episode he is always writing about the days activities. So I am getting my Rev Run on right now.

Earlier I was listening a song on repeat. I just kept playing it and playing it. I then noticed the counter for the number of times the song played was not moving anywhere. So I am mumbling to myself, "I know I've listened to this song plenty of times so why isn't this stupid counter thing moving." After I put 2 and 2 together I realized that in order for the counter to move I have to let the song play all the way through to the very last second. I couldn't stop it 2 seconds before the song was ending.

And of course I thought of one of the first songs I learned in church, 99 1/2. In order for the counter to move I couldn't stop it a second short and that's the same for God. In order for Him to make an impact on my life (or yours) 99 1/2 won't do. I would of loved for that counter to have moved because I listened to the song a numerous amount of times and I thought I atleast deserved that much. So it's all or nothing whether it's for the stupid counter or God.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Islam vs. Christianity

Last semester when I was signing up for classes for this semester this one particular class stuck out to me, Political Science 347: Islamic Political Thought. I thought to myself, "this class would be perfect for my major and it will give me insite to what the Islamic world is really about." So all through out the summer (not everyday) I was thinking about this class and what it would be like and what I would learn.

As we started getting into our two-day-a-week sessions we were given background on Islam and then we moved to Islamic scholors stand point. Then the subject of Islam vs Christianity came up. The main arguement that he made was Christianity is a weak religion with no political structure. My head shot up. Then he said it's a religion of suffering and abandonment and that Prophet Muhammad was stong and authoritative. I began to think of my the Bible stories I had learned. He told the story of when Jesus was on the cross he of course suffered and He asked God why had He forsaken him. The professor seen this as abandonment and I see why. He made the point that Prophet Muhammad and Allah would never forsake his own. But if he knew anything about Jesus his Father didn't really leave Him. Jesus could of easily said I am not the Son of God and walk away. But because He is loving he died for our sins no matter the cost.

He came to the conclusion of Christianity being weak because throughout Jesus' life he preached to all that he could but still he didn't have many believers. Prophet Muhammad on the other hand he explained was told to deliver a message from their god and he did that plus more. He said Prophet Muhammad not only gave the message but he made sure people followed it.

I didn't believe what he was saying but it made me think about my religion more. Jesus was no where near weak. All he could do was bring the message and if people followed then God would bless them and if they didn't follow then God really showed who he was. As the saying goes "you could lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink." So the unbelievers could die of thirst or simply drink the water. It's that easy.

I in every way respect what Muslims believe. If I didn't my main focus wouldn't be on them. But as I get deeper into Islam I also have to get deeper into Christianity and put on my armor as my Pastor says.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

It Ain't Easy

It's been roughly 3 years and 11 months since I've been saved and it feels like forever. I still remember it like it were yesterday though. I wasn't brought up in the church and only went about two times. My older sister (about 2 years old than me) started attending because of her bestfriend. To tell you the truth I didn't even know my sister even went to church (thats how disconnected we were) until she invited her other bestfriend and I to see her dance. So we laughed and made jokes about her going but still decided we'd go to show our support. We weren't doing anything anyways.

It was a friday night service and we had gotten there a little early. The church was huge. We walked into the sanctuary and so many thoughts just rushed my head. At first we sat in the middle then eventually moved into the front row. People began to fill in the seats of the sanctuary and service began. The young peoples choir sang 2 songs. As they sung, the other bestfriend and I were pointing to the few people we knew and of course the cuties :-D. We ended up liking the service and decided to go back.

So we started going on a regualr basis and partaking in the church activities. Time went on and then I started to feel it. I didn't know anything about God but I felt him in me. Then that sunday came when the Pastor was giving the alter call. I hate crying in front of people and I hate being the center of attention in a crowd that I do not know at all. But something was just telling me to go. Before I knew it I was in the aisle. As soon as I started walking tears started to fall. I don't even know who was praying for me before I got saved because the tears were just flowing. But I do remember my sister looking and smiling at me. I was embarassed. But I continued.

I was led downstairs to put on the baptismal clothing. More women came down to help. Before I went into the room to put on the white swimming cap, white granny panties, white socks and the white robe they prayed. Before I went up stairs they prayed. I was still pretty embarassed with all the attention. So it finally came. The part I now realize as no turning back. I stepped to the edge of the water pool then walked in the water. A few scriptures were said and down I went. As I came up people were cheering but I didn't feel any different.

I wish I knew what I know now. My first year of saved life wasn't too great. I was attacked and was stunned from it that I didn't even realize it. It wasn't a physical attack but a spiritual attack. I had a close relationship with a guy from the church. After we split, I spilt from the church. I stopped going to Bible Study. Then I went to Sunday Service on some sundays and then I stopped completely for a while.

About a year from then I was in another relationship. I thought I was passed the whole church thing. So I continued dating despite being told not to from previous church lessons. But still acting in my physical sense I did it anyways. This wasn't any relationship though. We were completely different spirtually and naturally. He was a Muslim and I a Christian. Some time into the relationship I began to feel that conviction again and expressed my desires of returning to church. Then is when I heard the most outrageous things a person could think of. Here was attack number two and still I didn't realize it until I got my foot back in the door of my spiritual life.

Here is when I realized reality. As I've heard in sermon after sermon, I can't live a double life. I can't do things of the world and still expect to be blessed by God. I learned to think of my Holy Spirit as a person, God as a Father. I've learned that I can only depend on Him. So I pray for my keeping.

Looking back I know that the enemy didn't want my life to be for God. That's why I believed what I wanted to believe and did what I thought was right. With me being a baby in Christ I was really vulnerable but it's all a lesson learned. As Cora said in a Madea play, "It's easier to fall down than to get up." And she is right. It takes no effort to fall. You can be as care free as you want until you hit the ground and come to your senses that that wasn't the way to go. Then you have to build yourself up to get up.

Hebrews 10:35-36
Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will.

What's the Reason for Blogging Anyways?

I see many people with blogs. Some have specific topics, others are just whatever, some pertain to the famous world blah blah. Anything goes. This is where thoughts are let free and of course people will read them and may or may not take away from them for their own personal life. I think it's kind of cool how people can just let themselves be so free and open to the world. You don't have to write deep dark secrets but still a thought is a thought and a thought is a personal intimate thing. Right?

As I write, how in the world have I come to writing on a blog to the world? I won't even tell the people closest to me what I am thinking and how I feel. But besides that what really pushed me to start a blog is my needing to speak up. Not about anything that's super important. I am not much of the social person but would like to be. So this blog will give me a chance to just say it. It's not like it's going to be advertised every one's Yahoo, Google and YouTube homepage. A needle in a haystack.