Monday, May 18, 2009

Thoughts of Doubts/Endurance

I feel so heavy. I don't feel that I am living up to what I am supposed to be living up to. The extra mile is so long and weary. The goal seems so far away. The closer I get the further it seems I have to go. As much as I gain is as much as I lose. It seems like my best isn't the best for my God and Jesus. It feels like I am on one minute and off the other. Or maybe I am just doubting myself.

What I am supposed to live up to, I've already passed. The extra mile I went, I am starting to feel it because that particular race is over. The goal is sa far because it's way way behind me. I am actually getting closer because I have to go through many obtacles to get to Jesus and I am getting by these individual obtacles slowly but surely. I am winning battles but the overall war is not over yet. There is always room to improve to be the best for God because he is perfect and I am not. I am only human. I am off because I am walking on new ground. Once I conquer this it will become too easy and then God will place me in another rocky situation.

Everything is a process and livng for Christ is not an easy task. It's definitely beating me down. But I will not stay down. I will endure for my God.

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