Man, oh man have I been going through it! The funny thing is as the moments started to play out I KNEW without a shadow of doubt that it was my turn to be tested. It was like a movie trailer. I got a glimpse of the situation and the future and I came out alright. So that's what I hold on to as I am here, in the wilderness. It is definitely something I will remember for the rest of my life. So as this thing was happening I struggled a bit. But as we all know when trauma happens, the more you struggle the quicker you die. I had to coach myself through and remind myself that everything is going to be OK. I accepted the fact that I was and still am in the wilderness. I even googled things such as how to get out the wilderness, how to get through the wilderness, what to do in the wilderness, what's the purpose of the wilderness, will I ever get out of the wilderness. I didn't know what to do as I entered through that door. I eventually came to read how God brought Israel out of Egypt and the ways in which He came onto the people and how He provided for them their needs and not their wants. That's how I felt. I had to go to God for everything including the small things. I am not an expert but I had to begin to tap into my Holy Spirit for guidance.
So I came to the realization that my wilderness is solidify my faith in God. I was always in, did really well, got comfortable then fell out. Before my wilderness experience I did not need God because all of my needs were met and most of my wants were fulfilled. Now, God is showing me He is the beginning and the end and everything in between. I knew that but didn't have any struggle to make me appreciate Him as much as I do now. When you work hard you appreciate the fruits of your labor more. In this case I simply can't walk out the door because with what I put in and what I went through the only option I have is to come out of the other side. And as I come out I don't want come out stumbling. I want to walk out confidently knowing that God brought me through.
My wilderness is also teaching me to be steadfast. No matter what I or others think or feel about my situation both good and bad I have to always know God is right there. There have been times when I thought I was not a child of God and was forgotten but in the wilderness is when you are vulnerable and the attacks of the enemy are intensified and God stands still. Just knowing that makes the experience even more bearable. God doesn't stand still so we can fail but to see if you learned the lesson. I'll make it because of the God I serve and because He told me so! To God be the glory!