Day Three: What Drives Your Life?

Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.



Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

I think my mom would say the driving force of my life is church, school and friends. She'd say church because I am always there when I come home on the weekends or I'd come back come back just to be in church. Also every time I go somewhere it's with the church. So she always say "what ya'll be doing at that church?, you're always there!" So I think church is something she sees in me. I also like going to school. Every time she says she is going to send me to a school I feel I shouldn't be at I go crazy. I think she just likes to see my reaction. But when I do something well in school I tell her and I always tell her about what my school has to offer and such. I always talk about that. And lastly, she'd say my friends because she thinks I bend over backwards for them. When I don't. I just like to be nice to them and treat them with a lot of love.

My friends would probably say the driving force of my life is school for the same reasons I stated above. I like school at certain points in time. They may even say church too because I always tell them about it or relate whatever it is that we are doing to church.

I want the driving force of my life to be God and the things of God. As I go from service to service there are all kinds of people who give testimonies about God working in their life and they are blessed. I want to be just like that. I want to stand up in front of people and talk about the good things God has done in my life. With God all things are possible. So it's like every thing in one. I can have God and underneath that umbrella a whole bunch of things will fall in place whether it's having peace or happiness. If I have God then I'll have peace and happiness and not have to choose. So I want to keep living for God no matter how bad the course.

Day Two: You Are Not An Accident

Point to Ponder: I am not an accident.

Question to Consider: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

Part of my personality that I am struggling to accept is my shyness. People may not think I am shy but I really am. I try to hide it all the time. If you ever see a big grin on my face then that side is coming out. Sometimes I force myself to say things to suppress the shyness. I want to be able to just get up in front of people and say things without shaking and my voice going in and out. Other than that I like my personality. I like to please those around me (to a certain extent). If I know it will make someone smile then I am willing to do it. Another part of my personality that I am struggling with is second guessing myself. When I second guess myself in the end I wish I would have did what I second guessed. So I feel I lack the confidence that I should have. Again, sometimes I just have to push/force myself to just do it.

Part of my background that I am struggling to accept is my family. I seem so much different from them. It's like I am the one who sticks out and is different. But who am I to say, they may feel the same way. But I don't think I get the full support I need from the beginning. I have to just go ahead and do it and when something good comes from it is when the support comes in. I tell myself that where I started doesn't matter but where I end up. I try not to let that get to me but once in a while it does.

I love my physical appearance. Once in a while I don't like my stomach but it's because I like to eat. So my tummy is something I did to myself (lol), so I can't complain. I accept everything else. I love it.

But thinking of the point to ponder I guess it's all for a reason. It doesn't make complete sense to me now but it will. What's going through my mind is where I came from will probably help someone else get through.

Selfishness

People are really selfish. I've seen it through out my life. I can be guilty for being selfish too. Sometimes it's something that just happens without knowing. It goes deeper than you. It goes deeper than me. It goes deeper than me and you. It goes as deep as me, you and every body else. Now that's deep. Deeper than what we imagined. But people don't realize it because of selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding. You don't want to be wrong because you have to be right. You don't make mistakes because you've stepped over something like this before. You, you, you. But what about me? Is that selfish? To ask about me when I am talking about you? What about me? Now I have to work a little harder and feel a piece of me lose a little life. Keeping up with your selfishness is burden on my back. But of course you don't feel it because you're not me. You just think I am tired from everything else around me when in reality I am tired of you.

He Definitely Comes Through

I applied for a summer grant for the summer of 2009 which is for students who are taking on an unpaid internship. The deadline was April 3 and after submitting the proposal for the grant I prayed and asked God to award me this grant. Even though it's not millions of dollars I still had many plans for it. But I had to keep in my head that I couldn't ask God for something and He not get any glory from it. So I decided to go to South Africa with my church in December with the money and use the other half for school.

Well after submitting application all the applicants received an email back stating that everyone will know whether they were awarded the grant or not by the weekend of April 24. When the 24th came I kept checking my email over and over and like 50 times a day. The 26 came and still I got no email response. As I was sitting in my french class something told me to check my mailbox. So I went and checked my mailbox. Mind you I don't receive much mail. When I opened it there was a white paper about exams week, a lime green paper on dorm key returns and a (school name goes here) envelope with my name and mailbox number. I thought it was for a class or a dinner that I was invited to. But once I opened it, it was a letter for the grant I applied for. I was awarded the summer grant! I thanked God.

I was awarded this grant from God because if I wasn't I wouldn't of been able to work in His house like I would have wanted to. This summer I believe is my time to work in His house. My Pastor wants me to coordinate a step team and that's a lot of hard work and takes a lot of time. I also want to do a few days a week at the church camp (if they have it this summer), go to Bible Study consistently, fellowship with my church family and go to South Africa. I cannot do all that plus work a regular job. So at least I am starting off with something. I still have to work at my regular job of course, but not as hard as I would have.

Thank God!!

Day One: It All Starts With God

I am starting to read Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life:What On Earth Am I Here For?" This book will hopefully help me figure out my purpose in God. If not it's a good book to keep me focused on God. I will post the questions regularly and title them "Day (day goes here):(title of chapter goes here). If they aren't titled like that then it's just my normal posts. Hope you guys enjoy my journey, I sure enough will. (can't wait until I reach day forty!)

Point to Ponder: It's not about me.

Question in Consideration: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

I can remind myself that lfe is about living for God and not myself because I'm told over and over again that we were created for Him. So if I were created for Him I have to do what I do for Him. I have to please Him. Through God is how I go on living, through God I am able to go to this expensive school, through God almost everythng makes sense. I constantly remind myself that I live for God by surrounding myself by the things of God. When I do that I see more and more that He is God because only God can perform in such a way. When I encounter things that say "do it for you, do what makes you happy," I think "will God be pleased?" So all in all I put Him in the midst of everything whether it's eating a piece of candy or a big plate of food.

Different Lights to a Different Setting

I was talking to a friend and I told her how I felt about her spiritually and such. I went on to talk about how I felt about our mutual friends and how everyone was special. I told her that we all have attributions of God and that we each possess something that is so unique from the next. And since each person differs we see certain situations differently which is not a bad thing. We all shine! In my walk right now I (carefully) look to these peers of mine to push myself further and to learn more about God. We are all different lights to a different setting. We are all intertwined and lean to each other for understanding. So if one is dim then that affects the whole group. We have to keep each other in check because if we lose one, we risk losing all.

I feel that being the age that we are and deeply dedicated to God that we are rare individuals. And usually when something is rare it gets abused and is taken away from what it was really supposed to be for. Diamonds weren't made to be worn on fingers. It is our responsibility to keep each other grounded and hungry for the Lord.

Faithful Is Our God

Love, love looove this song.

Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all
Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all

Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
Holy, holy, holy is our God
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all
Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is our God
I'm reaing the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me